The Words of Reality
by LadyJezebel
Summary: Reality was simple for Jacob Black. He had a girlfriend and a happy life. But he's torn with confusion and fear when he meets Edward Cullen. He never questioned his sexuality. Until he fell in love with the new boy in town.
1. A New Kind of Dream

**Author's Note:  
**So this is my new story. I've written many fanfictions before about many things, but I'd never written a _Twilight _fanfiction. I am a very big fan of _Twilight _as well as the other novels by Stephenie Meyer. So I decided, why not? One thing I noticed while searching for stories to read, is that there aren't many Edward/Jacob pairings. Most people don't even half way like the idea of Jacob and Edward being together, but I thought it very interesting. So I decided to write my own story. In this story, all the characters are human. I know we all love our vampires and werewolves, but I have a human story to tell. So this is it.  
And reviews keep me going. Literally. In case you haven't read a fanfiction of mine before, I have a rule. Atleast three reviews or I don't put up the next chapter. I think this is a fair deal. All you have to do is tell me what you think. And I'm not asking for page-long reviews. A simple "I liked it." Is good enough for me.  
Thank you for reading this first chapter of The Words of Reality.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter One  
A New Kind of Dream**

"You're supposed to put salt in it!" Bella exclaimed over the pot of steaming macaroni.

"Are you sure?"

"Jacob, I've been making Macaroni and Cheese since I was a little kid. I know how to make it."

She laughed when I scrunched up my nose as she dropped a pinch of salt into the water. I just couldn't comprehend why salt had to be added to the little meal. Of course, even though I had just turned eighteen, I had never cooked a thing in my life. So Bella, my girlfriend of over a year, probably did know more about all that stuff than I did. She'd been cooking for her father Charlie for years.

When the food was done, we sat down at the kitchen table to eat. I was starving and quickly scarfed down my entire bowl. The noodles burned my tongue but I ignored the pain and heat.

"Gosh, Jake. Slow down a little."

"I'n juss real huncry." I said, through a mouth full of food. A noodle dropped onto the table and I pinched it up and plopped in into my mouth. Bella made a face.

"Well, I'm really hungry too, ya know?" She eyed me quietly, a smirk appearing on her lips.

I instantly felt myself harden at her words. Bella and I had been dating for almost a year and two months. Until about a month ago, we had never had sex. She always said she wasn't ready, and though I was more than willing, I went along with her wishes. We had gotten pretty close many times, but she had always made sure that we had never gone any further. Then, just out of nowhere, Bella became a maniac. I had no clue to the reason behind her change of heart, but I was in no way about to complain.

"Let's go." I said, jumping up from the kitchen table. She giggled but quickly followed suit.

I thanked God that my dad was out fishing. It was really horrible when our teenage hormones got out of control while he was around.

We ran into my small bedroom and threw the markers and poster board onto the floor. The science project we had been working on was completely forgotten. She smiled up as she lay down beneath me and I couldn't help but grin in return. She was absolutely beautiful.

I felt her hands in my hair as I kissed her eagerly. Her hips rose up to meet mine and I moaned as she rubbed her body against me.

My hair was soon abandoned as her hands trailed down to the waistband of my jeans. I felt her pop the button open and heard the zipper slowly come undone.

* * *

I sighed as we rounded the corner. I wasn't exactly happy to be here. I felt all my hopes and wishes drain as Alice, Emmett, and I entered this small God forsaken town.

"What do you think the house will look like?" Alice asked from her spot in the passenger seat.

"I don't know, but I sure as hell hope we have more than one bathroom. I'm sick of waiting outside while you take a two hour piss." Emmett retorted from the backseat.

"Shut up Emmett."

The house we had lived in back home was pretty small. Three bedroom and one bath. Emmett and I had had to share a room, while Alice had her own. I had to agree with my brother. It wasn't fun sharing a bathroom with our sister. She did have an uncanny ability to stay in there for hours. What she was doing, I don't even want to know.

We had no idea what our new house would look like. Dad had gotten a job opportunity at the hospital here and took it. The house had already been set up for us and none of us knew what to expect.

"Oh my gosh! Is that it?"

The three of us glanced up at the large white house as we pulled into the driveway next to the U-Haul that Dad was driving. It was two stories high, with a rap around porch and large columns. It looked like a plantation house.

It was beautiful.

"Do you guys like it?" Dad asked, opening the door at the back of the U-Haul.

"Are you sure this is the right address?"

"Esme, honey, it's right. Look at the paper if you don't believe me."

She grabbed the paper from the dashboard of the vehicle and looked at it quickly. Her lips broke into a smile. I could tell already that she was absolutely in love with the house.

Alice quickly demanded the key to the front door and after she received it, I followed her inside.

The inside of the house was just as amazing as the outside had been. The living room was very spacious and clean looking. The walls were painted a crisp white and the floor was white marble.

A staircase led up to the second floor. The banisters were the same white as the walls and the marble continued up the steps.

I ascended to the second floor in search of the bedrooms. At the top of the stairs, I was presented a large hallway. There were two doors on the left, three on the right, and one at the end of the hall.

I opened the first door on the right and peeked in, finding myself looking into a bathroom. I shut the door and turned my attention to the one right across from it. This door opened up to a closet.

I opened up the next three doors and was disappointed in what I saw. I didn't like these bedrooms at all. So I set my sight on the last door, praying the it would meet my approval.

And it did. Oh, it did.

I was in love with this room.

The walls were the same white as the living room, but the floor was hardwood. There were two windows that looked out into the forest, and between them was a sliding glass door. I immediately walked over to it, flipped the lock and made my way out onto the balcony. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed the balcony on this side of the house when I was outside. Guess I hadn't really been paying attention.

"I see you've found the bedroom you want, Edward."

I jumped at the voice behind me. I hadn't heard my mother walk in.

"Yeah, I'd really like this one if you don't care."

"I'll admit, this room is beautiful, but your father and I will take the one next door."

"Thanks, Mom." I kissed her cheek.

"You're welcome honey. Now you better come downstairs and help us get your bed up. Unless you plan on sleeping on the floor?"

I eyed the hardwood.

"I'll be right down."

That night I lay in bed exhausted. I didn't have to bring much up, considering all or our stuff hadn't arrived yet, but the move had really worn me out. I just had my bed, a nightstand, my reading lamp, and a few bags of clothes. I had made sure that I had put everything up in it's respectable place so that I would have less work to do when the rest of my stuff came.

I had set my bed beneath the window on the right side of the glass door. I could easily look up and see the moon hanging in the dark sky. I kept the door open and relished in the light breeze that came through.

I grabbed my notebook and a pen, something I made sure to have with me at all times. I had a passion for writing. Mainly poetry, but I had been known to scribble out a couple stories in the past.

I clicked on the lamp on my nightstand and began to write.

_Tossed into a new kind of dream.  
Letting go of broken memories.  
Time to let go of the past.  
Forget what happened last.  
New life, clean, sparkling, and pristine.  
I've been tossed into a new kind of dream._


	2. Beautiful Stranger

**Author's Note:  
**I want to thank Raven Vianei, IcePrincess 87, and RamenProductions for their wonderful reviews.  
So here is the second chapter. I've had this written since I put up the first chapter and have been dying to post it (I love posting new chapters), but of course, I stick to my own rules. I was impatiently waiting for that third review.  
Enjoy. :)

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Two  
Beautiful Stranger**

I squinted as the sun broke through the curtains and landed on my face. I let out a groan. Waking up in the morning was the worst part of the day, in my opinion.

I glanced over at the clock and was surprised to see that it was already one in the afternoon. I grunted again and threw my feet over the side of the bed.

I made my way into the bathroom and started the shower. I could feel the heat from the water as it flowed out from the cracks between the shower curtain and tiled wall. I was desperate to immerse myself in it.

After I urinated quickly, I dropped my boxers to the floor and stepped into the small, steam filled enclosure. The water felt amazing on my skin. I quickly fell into a state of relaxation and thanked God that the water hitting my face was keeping me awake. If not, I would have fallen asleep right there in the shower. I washed my body and hair then grabbed the towel off the rack and wrapped it around my waste.

I attempted to wipe off the steam from the bathroom mirror but gave up when all I managed to do was smear it around.

Bella had told me once that the best way to clear up mirrors after a shower was to quickly run a blow dryer over it. I had never gotten to put her theory to the test, though, considering there wasn't a hair dryer to be found in a house with only two men.

I brushed my teeth, changed into some clean clothes then headed into the kitchen for some late breakfast.

"Hey, Jake. 'Bout time you wake up from the dead."

"Funny, Dad. Do we have any cereal left?"

"Nope, sorry. I made some oatmeal though. It's still in the pot. Just heat it up."

"I think I'll just pick something up in town. I'm gonna head out on the bike for a little while." I really didn't want oatmeal.

"Alright, just please be careful. And don't stay out too long."

I grunted a 'yeah' and headed out the door in destination of the garage. I couldn't wait to be out on the road and feel the wind rushing by.

I grabbed my helmet and slung it on my head, not bother to buckle the straps, and jumped on my motorcycle.

I felt free when I was riding. Like no one could touch me.

The streets were fairly empty until I got into town. Main Street was crowded with high school kids enjoying the last day of the weekend.

After stopping at Dixie Freeze, the local family-owned restaurant, and getting a double cheeseburger with onion rings, I decided to go hang out at the lake. The sun was beaming down my back and I was already hot from the ride.

When I reached the small worn down section of land that was used as a parking lot, I shut the bike off and pulled my shirt over my head. I kicked my shoes and socks off and ran at full speed towards the edge of the water.

I was sure that I had made a huge splash when I did a cannon ball into the water. As I surfaced I noticed a couple of kids from my class about a hundred feet away from me staring wide eyed at my sudden intrusion into the calm lake. I laughed off their stares and focused on the coolness that surrounded me.

* * *

I wiped a bead of sweat off my forehead and looked up into the sky. The sun was pouring down through the trees that provided no shade for me while I was on my balcony. I sighed and turned my attention back to the book in my hands, immersing myself into the escapades of Lieutenant Henry and Catherine Barkley.

"Hey big brother, watcha doin'?"

"Reading."

Alice glanced over my shoulder at the book I held.

"A Farewell to Arms? Haven't you read that like a million times already?"

It was true. This particular paperback copy had its fair share of creases up the spine.

"Never a bad thing to reread a classic piece of literature, Alice."

"But why that one? I mean, it's Ernest Hemingway for crying out loud."

"I happen to like Ernest Hemingway."

"I think he was an egotistical womanizer. And an alcoholic pig."

It bugged me when people made assumptions about someone they had never met. Yeah, this guy had a record when it came to women and booze, but we weren't there. So we have no room to judge.

"Alice, what do you want?"

Suddenly her expression changed from annoyed disapproval to that of a girl who was desperate. Her eyes went wide and puppy dog-ish and her bottom lip poked out ever so slightly.

"What?" I asked, suspicious.

"Well, since you have a car…and I don't…and I'm really bored…"

"Where do you want to go?"

"We haven't seen the town yet. I figured this would be a good a time as any. Especially considering we have school tomorrow."

I agreed to go and roam the town with my sister. Not for her benefit though. I, myself, was curious about the small town. I wanted to know where I'd be living for who only knows how long.

So we got into my Volvo and headed off towards town.

It was so green here. It was like there was nothing but trees and grass. It was strange seeing this much of nature, considering we had just moved from a city where there was nothing but cement and blacktop.

"It is pretty here. You gotta admit to that much."

"Yeah, there's enough greenery here to supply the whole planet with oxygen."

As we pulled onto what I assumed to be Main Street, I was shocked to see what seemed to be the entire teenage population hanging around and driving by. Was there nothing better to do here than hang out in your cars in the middle of town? I expected boredom to become my new best friend.

"Did I say it was pretty here? I meant freakin' gorgeous!" Alice exclaimed as her eyes glued themselves onto a boy with blonde hair. I was a bit embarrassed by her lack of subtly.

"He's dog ugly Alice."

"Hey, just because he's not your type doesn't mean I can't admire his beauty."

"He's all yours."

My sister was right. That boy was not my type at all. The only thing I liked about him was his height. Other than that, his blonde hair and lankiness did not appeal to me at all.

My parents were amazing when it came to my sexuality. I had kept it a secret from them for about a year until they caught me making out with a boy that had come to spend the night with me. At first we 

had told them that he was just a friend, but that night they became oh so aware that William was much more than a buddy from school.

They laughed it off but had made William sleep on the couch. They even kept their door open in case one of us decided to become a bit sneaky.

The next day we had had a long talk about everything from sex to my mother's own experiences in high school and college. Until that day, I had never known that my mother was bisexual.

But because of my parents, I was free to lead an openly homosexual lifestyle.

Alice wasn't even shocked when I told her. She just smirked at me and claimed that she had known all along.

Emmett was the one that needed some convincing. It took a lot of persuasion from all of us to make him accept the fact that not only was he not my type, but that I would definitely never have any kind of attraction towards my own brother.

Homosexual I may be, but incest has never been my thing.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, my dear sister?"

"Since you love me so much, you should buy me an ice cream." She grinned and pointed to a cheesy looking building that had ice cream cones and sundaes drawn all over the windows. The name Newton's Ice Cream Shack was written in white and pink.

I parked the car and locked it up after making sure I had my wallet on me.

As the door opened, a bell jingled and a boy that looked to be about 5'11 appeared behind the counter.

Did everyone in this town have blonde hair and blue eyes? Geesh.

"Welcome to Newton's Ice Cream Shack. What can I get you?"

"I'd like…Mint Chocolate Chip is a small waffle cone, please."

"And for you, Sir?"

"I'll just have a cherry milkshake."

He grabbed a cup from beneath the counter and started messing with what I guess was a milkshake machine.

He handed the drink over and as I reached out for it, I noticed how his gaze landed on the rainbow bracelet I always wore around my wrist. He smiled at me.

"I haven't seen you guys around here before."

"Yeah, we're new in town." Alice replied, watching him scoop her ice-cream into the cone.

"I'm Mike Newton."

Mike Newton handed Alice her cold snack and held out his hand. I shook it out of politeness.

"Edward Cullen. The little pixie stuffing her face here is my sister Alice."

"Nice to meet you guys. Let me get you some napkins." He said before walking into the back room.

I shrugged as Alice pointed to the stack of napkins sitting on the counter.

When he returned, he slipped a napkin around the cup that I had sat down and handed a napkin to Alice.

I pulled out my wallet and started counting dollars.

"How much do I owe you?"

"Oh don't worry about it. On the house." He smiled again. "Consider it a welcome to town."

"Thanks."

I grabbed my drink and turned to leave.

"Hey, Mike? You wouldn't happen to know of any hangouts or anything around here would you? Something to do when one is bored?"

I sighed at Alice. I was ready to go home.

"Janson Lake. Real popular with everyone here."

After leaving, we followed the directions Mike had given us. Luckily for me, the lake wasn't too far out and only took about five minutes to get there before we saw the water's edge.

"This is a really nice place. We should bring my camera next time we come." Alice said, jumping out of the car.

As soon as I got out I noticed a red motorcycle sitting beneath the tree. I let my eyes skim over the bank to find its owner. I heard a splash of water and as I looked out into the lake, my gaze settled on a slick russet-colored back that led up to a head of midnight black hair.

As he emerged from the water, making his way back to the grassy embankment, drops of moisture licked their way down his muscled chest and stomach. He shook his hair out and grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head.

"Hey." He said, nodding his head in our direction as he slipped his shoes back on and straddled the bike.

My mouth just hung open and I couldn't force any words to pass through my lips. I heard Alice mumble a 'hi' and then he was gone. I watched the trail of dust sweep up into the air as he rode away.

"Yup. That one was your type." Alice giggled.

"Shut up Alice."

"Don't be mean to me. It's not my fault you froze up like an idiot."

I glared at her, as I threw my too-sweet cherry milkshake into the trash.

"Hey, what's that?"

"I know you look like you're starving kid, but do you really have to resort to picking through trash?" I laughed as my sister leaned over the side of the metal trashcan.

"I meant this." She held up the napkin that had been around my cup. Something was written on the damp inside.

_Mike Newton  
555-2484  
My shifts over at six if you'd rather not use a phone._

"You've got to be kidding me."

Alice burst into a fit of giggles.

I balled the paper up into a wad and jammed it into my pocket. So much for free ice cream.

"Come on Alice. Let's go home."

_Silky strands, black as night.  
Wet and hard, perfectly right.  
Open my mouth, words won't come.  
Beautiful stranger, what have you done?_


	3. Train Wreck

**Author's Note:  
**Chapter Three!  
Let me thank Arabella16, Oh So Cliche, IcePrincess87, Jennipher, and Raven Vianei for their lovely reviews.  
I'd also like to give a thanks to all of you that have the me and the story to your alert lists and favorites. You have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel.  
Something I'd like to fill you guys in on, is that this chapter is about the first school day the Cullens attend. The classes and teachers mentioned in this chapter are very strongly based on my own classes and teachers that I had while in high school. These people and the classes are not fake. (With the exception of the gym class being split up). Everything is exactly how it was in my school. Just thought I'd let you guys know that so you can humor yourselves on the way my school was ran. :P  
Even the lunch was like I have written it.  
Anyways, let us hope that the pattern of increasing reviews and readers continues. It only inspires me to write more. :)

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Three  
Train Wreck**

I honked the horn twice and waited for my girlfriend to come outside. I used to actually go up and knock on the door but she had gotten into the habit of being ready when I arrived. Therefore, we got into the routine of my blowing the horn and her running out and jumping into the car.

This morning though, she was late. I honked the horn again and saw the light click on in her bedroom. A second later, Bella appeared in the window. She opened it up and looked down at me sitting in my car.

"I'll be down in just a second!"

I waved my hand at her in reply.

That 'just a second' turned into fifteen minutes.

"Sorry," She said opening the door and getting inside. "My alarm clock didn't go off. I overslept."

"It's alright. But we're going to be late."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

As she settled herself in and clicked the seatbelt into place, I started off towards the high school. I abhorred being late to school. I wasn't a do-gooder by any means. I've had my fair share of getting into trouble, but I prefer to get to school on time. If you don't show up to school, your parents get a little automated message left on their phone telling them that their child has not shown up.

My dad goes nuts whenever he receives one of those messages. I end up spending the entire day listening to him complain about how I'm not taking advantage of something good. That a chance is being given to me to better myself and I'm wasting it. Just throwing it all away.

I'll be the first to admit, school is very important. But I'll also tell you flat out that sometimes teenagers just need a freakin' day off. Yeah, we have weekends. But occasionally we need that one day when we know we have obligations, but we can just throw them all aside for the time being.

Safe to say, I didn't get many of those.

"Hey Bella, Hey Jacob. You guys do realize that you're late?" Said Mrs. McKenzie, the red-haired assistant that worked in the front office. She had always like Bella and me.

The bell signaling that it was time to go to first block rang around the school.

"We're not late. We were here before the bell rang."

"Bella, honey, you know the rule. You have to be here at exactly eight o'clock. You arrived fifteen minutes late. It doesn't matter when the bell rings."

"Crap. " I sighed.

Another tardy put on my absence list.

"How about this, I'll let this time slide if you guys do me a favor." She handed me a sheet of paper. "I need two hundred copies of these made. Run down to the teacher's workroom and I'll let your first block teachers know that you're late because you're doing something for me."

I grinned.

"Thanks Mrs. McKenzie."

"Yeah, we owe you one."

She smiled at us and waved us off. We hurried towards the teacher's workroom to make the two hundred copies.

I was pretty good at working the teacher's copying machines. Something I had to get used to really quickly. At the beginning of the semester, I was forced into an online advanced placement class. After a month, I realized that it wasn't going to work. The lessons were strenuous and I became stressed out very quickly.

I convinced the school's counselor to let me drop the class, but in return I had to work as a teacher's aide to make up the missing credits. Mr. Halcomb didn't like giving me much work to do. He was a nice man with a big heart and refused to work me like a dog. I usually got so bored sitting there watching him teach his class of freshman, that I ended up forcing him to give me something to do. So I took on the responsibility of grading the papers that needed to be graded and copying what need to be copied.

One upside to running back and forth from his classroom to the workroom to make copies was that I would always bump into a friend of mine that was also working as a teacher's aide. I could stand out in the hallway and chat with them for as long as I wanted, and Mr. Halcomb being the nice man he is, would never inquire to the reasons of me taking so long.

After Bella and I were finished with the copies, she went on to her first block class and I took the papers to Mrs. McKenzie. She thanked me profusely and then sent me on my merry little way.

First and second block went by in a blur. Same classes, same routine. In English I turned in an essay that I had to do about whether or not I believed the death penalty was right or wrong and why I thought it was right or wrong.

AP US History was always kind of simple. Not easy, because the work was hard, but simple. Every Monday Mrs. Lawrence would assign a new chapter and hand out a packet that went along with it. We were expected to have the chapter read and the packet done by Friday. That was our only homework. 

During the class we would sit in our chairs and try not to fall asleep as she gave us a description of the chapter and things that we would need to know.

I was happy when the bell rang for lunch. Since we didn't get to school in time to eat breakfast, I was starving. My stomach rumbled loudly as I made my way to the cafeteria.

"What's for lunch today?" I asked my best friend, Quil.

"The Monday usual."

Pizza.

It was sad to say that our lunches were completely predictable. Whether the lunch-ladies did it on purpose or purely by accident, no one would ever know. Every day of the week had its own menu.

The pizza wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't completely dry and lacking in the cheese department.

Quil and I got our trays, told the woman our lunch numbers, and sat down at our usual table with Bella.

"Hey, Jake." Bella said before giving a quick peck on the lips.

"Who is that?" Quil asked with a mouth full of pizza.

Bella and I followed his gaze to the three teenagers that entered the lunch room.

"Oh, those are the Cullens. Alice is a sophomore, the big one is Emmett. He's a junior. And the tall one's name is Edward. He's a senior."

I recognized Edward and Alice immediately.

"Wow, Bella. What'd you do, sneak into the office and steal their transcripts?"

"No, idiot. They're new kids. So obviously, gossip travels. Plus, Edward is in my English class. He's a really good poet."

"That guy's a poet? And he's good? Yep, he's gay."

Bella punched Quil's shoulder. He acted like she had killed him.

"You're a pig, Quil. And even if he was gay, what would it matter? Some of the nicest people I know are gay."

My best friend just looked at her. Then, as if he knew he wouldn't win this fight, he shrugged it off and muttered a 'whatever'.

"I saw them yesterday." I said quickly.

"You did? Where?"

"They were at the lake. The big guy wasn't with them though."

I glanced over at the table where the three siblings were sitting, eating their lunch. I noticed right off that Edward wasn't touching his pizza.

Well, there's one thing we have in common.

As if he had heard my thoughts, the boy eyes turned to me. His lips turned up into a smile and I quickly looked away.

I just didn't like being caught staring. That was all.

* * *

I cursed as I looked at my schedule. P.E. I fucking hated P.E.

"Hey, Edward, what class you got next?"

I turned to see a girl with brown eyes and hair to match walking up to me. She sat next to me in Chemistry and after she had introduced herself to me, I learned that her name was Angela.

"Unfortunately, P.E."

"Oh, well, I'm going that way. Can I walk with you?"

"Of course you can, Angela."

I smiled at her. She was a really nice girl. Someone that I could actually see myself becoming friends with. Something I noticed right off was that she didn't immediately judge me like everyone else I had met. She seemed sincere when she asked me about myself and my family. Like she really wanted to know the answers.

She led me down a few hallways and through a few doors. I was glad that she had wanted to walk with me. I was sure, if she hadn't, that I would have never found my way to the gymnasium.

"Okay, here you are." She said when we reached the double doors.

"You aren't coming in?"

"I told you I was coming this way, Edward. Not that I had the class. Plus, didn't you know that the Physical Education classes are split up between boys and girls? I'm pretty sure Coach Richards would notice a girl amidst a class full of boys."

She laughed and I felt the blush run up my neck. My cheeks turned crimson.

"Don't be embarrassed. I wasn't making fun of you. You're new. It's not like you would have known."

"I'm not embarrassed."

She just nodded as if she didn't believe me.

Embarrassment was not the key factor in the reasoning behind my reddened cheeks. Not only did I have a P.E. class, but it was an all boys class, for crying out loud!

"See you later, Edward." Angela said as turned and walked down the empty hallway.

I eyed the double doors, seeing my own personal hell standing before me.

I heard a bell whistle from inside. Time to burn.

I walked through the doors and was amazed to see a full on basketball game in the process. They sure didn't waste any time in this class.

I snuck in silently, not wanting to attract attention to myself.

I noticed a line of boys sitting on a stage that took up one end of the gym. Some of them could be considered nerds, by some. I saw them as people I could easily fit in with.

It was obvious that this particular teacher was more lenient than all the others. Many kids on the stage had various types of electronics out, including iPods and cell phones. The other half seemed to be either reading or doing homework.

I took a seat in a fairly empty section of the concrete stage.

A boring twenty minutes passed by. I was happy to see that this class wouldn't be as bad as I had thought.

"Time to take a break."

I looked up at the voice and almost cursed out loud. In a good way.

The boy that was standing in front of me was dressed in only a pair of gym shorts and sneakers. His muscled chest was gleaming with sweat and he wiped his face off with his shirt.

It was the boy from the lake.

He hopped up onto the stage and started rummaging through his backpack.

"Shit!" He exclaimed as his elbow hit one of the books he had taken out. It fell to the hardwood floor with a loud thud.

I forced my frozen body to move.

"Here, let me get that." I said, reaching down and retrieving the textbook from the floor.

"Thanks. Hey, you're Edward Cullen, aren't you?"

So the beautiful boy knew my name.

"Yeah. I saw you at the lake yesterday."

The image of him surfacing the water lodged itself into my brain. It took every bit of control I had to force my cheeks from burning.

"I go there quite a lot. Just to relax, ya know? The water's really nice there. Always seems to be the right temperature."

"I heard it was a really big hangout spot."

"Yeah, a lot of kids hang out there. It's nice. Oh, I'm Jacob Black, by the way."

"Ed-" I laughed when I realized he already knew my name. He smiled at my sudden lack of intelligence.

"Can I have my book back?"

I hadn't realized that I still held it in my hands.

"Sorry about that."

I handed the book out to him. Just like with Mike Newton, his gaze landed on my bracelet.

But he didn't say anything.

Time seemed to fly by as he sat next to me. We entertained ourselves with small talk, and I couldn't help but smile when I realized that he seemed to have no urge to return to his basketball game.

And then the blasted bell rang.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, Edward. Maybe we could hang out sometime. Like I said, I'm always at the lake."

I almost fainted. He wanted to hang out with me.

"Yeah, we should. See you later, Jacob."

Jacob.

I was calm, cool, and collected to anyone who may have seen me. On the inside, I felt like a giddy girl.

I left the class in a better mood than I had had in a week, and my enthusiasm didn't falter for the rest of the school day.

When the final bell rang, I shoved my books into my new locker and headed for the door. Alice and Emmett were already waiting by the car when I arrived.

"I am so ready to sit and watch TV. And eat. That lunch was terrible."

"It wasn't that bad, Emmett." Alice said. "Oh crap. Edward, we have company."

I followed the path of her bony finger to an excited Mike Newton who was gaining speed and headed right in our direction.

"Damn it. Get in the car, now. Let's go."

We got into the car, pretending we hadn't noticed him. As I pulled out of the Student Parking Lot, he looked like his world had just come crashing down on him. In a way, I felt bad. It wasn't his fault he wasn't my type.

As I entered my room, I dropped my backpack onto the floor. I walked out onto my balcony and collapsed in the cushiony chair Mom had given me.

_Eyes like stars.  
Can't help but stare.  
Not his fault.  
He's unaware.  
If only he would notice.  
Realize his effect.  
He'd know I can't help it.  
My heart's a train wreck._


	4. You and Me

**Author's Note:  
**Thanks to Arabella16, Vampiress Kelevra, Oh So Cliche, Jennipher, and the one that never fails to make me smile, Raven Vianei. :) Thank you guys for your reviews. And also a thanks to the ones that have just recently added me and the story to their alert and favorites list. Got some new ones after chapter three.

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get this one up tonight. I was sort of having a bit of writer's block during this chapter. I had a few other ideas, so I wrote them down. I ended up writing page long snippets of future chapters, and pretty much wrote out the entire last chapter of the story.

I was asked a question by one of the reviewers and decided that it was actually a good thing to comment on. The poems at the end of the chapters (written by Edward's character), are completely written by me. I'm not looking them up anywhere or getting them out of a song. Just like the story, they're my own creation. :)

Hope you guys enjoy chapter four. I apologize if it sucks monkey balls. Like I said, I was having a bit of writer's block.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Four  
You and Me****  
**

I sat down at lunch with a tray of fish strips, hush puppies, cole slaw, and macaroni and cheese that was flowing over into all of my other foods. I was always amazed at how schools fix their Macaroni and Cheese. It's not like the normal kind you make at home and it seems that no matter what school you go to, it's always made the same and tastes the same. Absolutely delicious.

I looked up at two blond heads that sat down across from me.

"Hey, Rosalie." Bella said at the female blond. "Why weren't you guys at school yesterday?"

"Jasper and I had some kind of twenty-four hour bug thing. We were throwing up all over the place."

"Ugh! Could you please keep the details to a minimum? I'm trying to eat here."

Rosalie punched Quil's shoulder. Again, he acted like she had killed him.

"Why am I always the one that gets punched?"

"Cause you're always the one that says the wrong thing." Jasper replied.

"That's true."

I waved at Edward as the three Cullen siblings walked into the lunchroom. He smiled and waved back. Alice's eyes went wide and she started nudging him in the ribs. He looked at our table, started laughing, and then nudged her back. Emmett just headed straight for the lunch line.

I looked at the people that sat at our table, wondering what was so funny. Edward was laughing like a maniac and Alice's cheeks were scarlet. I shrugged mentally.

"You friends with him now?" Quil asked, nodding his head towards Edward.

"We have gym together. We talked a bit yesterday. He seems like a nice guy."

"He is." Bella said.

"Is he really gay? There are rumors."

"He does wear a rainbow colored bracelet."

"I knew it. He's queer."

"Quil shut up. You don't even know him." Bella sighed. She hated it when Quil talked badly about homosexual people.

"I'm just sayin'." He put his palms up defensively.

I was happy when lunch was over. I didn't like it when there was tension at our table. Made every conversation uncomfortable, like you're always afraid you're going to say the wrong thing.

I dumped my backpack on the stage and sat down in the same spot as yesterday. A few moments later, Edward walked in.

"Hey, Edward." I said immediately.

"Hey, Jacob."

I sighed as Coach Richards came out with a big gym bag full of equipment.

"What? What's wrong?"

"See that bag he's carrying?" Edward nodded. "That means that the weather is nice. That means that we have to walk up a million steps and have class at the track."

I didn't mind having class outside, but the stairs were a killer.

As the rest of the class filed in, Coach Richards hauled everyone off the stage. Like me, many were grumbling.

We walked out into the too-bright sunny day and headed up the steps to the teacher's parking lot behind the school. After we crossed the pavement, we started heading up the wooden stairs next to the greenhouse. They were positioned on the side of the hill and were very steep.

Edward huffed beside me as we got to the top. Most of the class was still in the parking lot. A few would try to stay down there, hoping that they wouldn't be noticed, so that they could smoke. I don't know why they tried. They were always caught. It was the same kids every day.

The track was a circular patch of pavement that wasn't only used for the school. Many adults that wanted to keep in shape would come up and run or walk laps around. In the middle was a large grassy area. It was usually used as a baseball field. At each end was a chain link cage-type wall that protected the wooden bleachers from fly balls.

"You playing today, Jake? We need another infielder."

"No, Coach Richards. You'll have to drag someone out today. I don't feel much up to baseball."

He patted me on the shoulder then went on his way. I laughed as he forcibly recruited one of the kids to play third base.

"You're not going to play?" Edward asked.

"No. Why? Do you want to? There's always a shortage of outfielders."

"No, I don't do baseball."

Usually when I didn't play I would sit on the bleachers. But Edward and I started a slow lap around the track. I guess we'd be walking today.

My mind trailed back to our conversation at the lunch table.

"Edward, can I ask you something? I mean there are rumors-" I braved.

"I know what you're going to ask. And the answer is yes." His shoulders seemed to sag and he looked down at his feet.

"So you're gay?"

"Yeah, I am. Does that bother you?"

Did that bother me? I knew immediately that the answer was no. I had known other gay people before. No big deal.

"No, it doesn't bother me."

His posture straightened.

"It doesn't?"

"Don't look so amazed Edward. I've never been a homophobe."

"Sorry. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. It's just…a lot of people at this school have acted differently towards me after they found out."

"Probably the normal jerks. But in defense, I have to say that there aren't many openly gay people here, with the exception of Mike Newton. Most people wouldn't like him even if he was straight. He's really pushy."

"Yeah, I've already had an interaction with him. Alice and I stopped to get an ice cream before we went to the lake. He wrote his number on the inside of my napkin."

I laughed. That sounded like Mike.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Shoot."

"What was with all the nudging and laughing going on between you and Alice at lunch?"

He started laughing again. What was so damned funny?

"That same day, Alice saw that one guy in town. The blond one that was sitting at your table. She's absolutely infatuated with him."

"Oh, that's Jasper Hale. You can pass a message on to her if you like. He's currently single."

"Good to know."

His amazingly green eyes brightened at my words. Was he…?

"You're not…into him are you? Cause he's not gay."

"No, no. What gave you that idea?" I shrugged. "He's not even the least bit my type."

"What is your type, then?"

His face reddened.

"Sorry, it's none of my business."

"No, it's okay."

He never answered the question.

I looked at his face for any sign of trouble I may have caused. Surprisingly he seemed sort of…peaceful.

"You have really green eyes." Why did I say that?

"Yeah, they are."

This wasn't an awkward conversation at all, was it?

"Hey, do you want to hang out at the lake today? If you have nothing better to do?" A friendly invite was nice, right?

"Sure. I'd love to."

* * *

I dropped my backpack to the floor and slipped my shirt over my head. I rummaged through my closet looking for a better, nicer looking, one.

I pulled out a black tight fitted t-shirt, then decided against it. Too hot here. The sun's always shining. I grabbed a kelly green one off the rack and slipped it over my head. I noticed when I looked in the full length mirror that it made my green eyes pop even more. Good choice. Maybe he would mention them again…

I sighed and fell back onto the bed. It was obvious he liked my eyes. He didn't hide that fact very well. But oh, how I hated this! Why be teased when he's not even gay?! I knew the girl that always sat at his table was his girlfriend. Bella, I think her name was. I had tried to scrounge out some details from Angela, but she refused to give me any. Said she didn't do "gossip". Right.

I looked at the clock. It was currently 3:26pm. I was meeting him at four.

"Hey Ed-gosh what did you do to your closet?" Alice asked.

"I was looking for a shirt."

"Do you have a date or something?"

"No, not really. I'm going to hang out with a friend."

"It's Jacob , isn't it?" She smiled. She was my kid sister and one of my best friends. It was only natural that I dish out all the details to her.

"Yes, it's Jacob. We're going to hang out at the lake. And no, you can't come"

"Ooh…visiting the scene of the crime. And I wasn't going to ask anyways. I came to see if you found out anything."

"Oh, yeah. His name is Jasper Hale and he's currently not seeing anyone. I was told to pass that on to you."

"You told Jacob that I liked him!?"

"I used the word 'infatuated', but yes. I told him."

"Edward!" Alice pulled the pillow from beneath my hand and slammed it into my face.

After having a pillow fight with my sister that was soon broken up by our mother, I headed out to Janson Lake.

When I arrived, I immediately noticed Jacob's car. It was a weird little thing.

"Hey." He said as I got out.

He was sitting on the bank holding a fishing pole between his legs. Great.  
He put the pole on the ground and walked to the back of his car pulling up a latch. He saw me eyeing the weird contraption.

"This is the Rabbit. Neat isn't she?" He patted the hood.

"She's…something, alright."

He laughed.

"Not as nice as your Volvo, but I built her myself. I'm sort of attached."

He handed me a fishing pole.

"I don't know how to fish. I've never done it before." I felt a blush creep to my cheeks.

"I'll show you how."

We sat down on the bank, fishing poles in hand. He baited my hook for me, putting a tiny artificial thing on it. He showed me how to cast, and untangled my line when I snagged it on a tree limb.

"Um…Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I've got something."

"What? Reel it in!"

I turned the knob as fast as I could, not really knowing what to do. Obviously too fast, as the fish stopped biting and pulling and left it alone completely. I sighed when the hook and bait came out of the water unscathed.

"Don't worry. I'd have been amazed if you did it perfect your first time."

I laughed a little as I thought about what he said. I couldn't help my thoughts turning a little sexual as he sat next to me.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing."

His own face turned a brilliant shade of red as he thought about his words.

We sat on the bank for over an hour. My butt was going numb and I was completely bored. I humored him though and acted amazed at each fish he caught, then threw back.

My stomach grumbled.

"You hungry?"

"A little. I didn't eat much at lunch today."

"Good thing I planned ahead, then."

He loaded up all the fishing gear and stuffed it back into the car. When he returned to my side, he was holding a small cooler and a white bed sheet. I stood up as he spread the sheet out on the ground.

He opened up the cooler and brought out ten bologna sandwiches, five with mayonnaise and five with nothing. He threw me a can of Coke.

"I didn't know if you liked mayonnaise or not."

"I don't actually." He handed me a plain sandwich.

A few kids from school showed up in bathing suits a couple minutes later. I wonder what the two of us looked like to them, sitting here having our own little version of picnic by the water.

By the curious stares we got, I knew exactly what was on their minds.

"You don't care about people seeing us? About what they might think?" I asked.

"Not really, no. Why should I? It's not like you have a crush on me or anything." He glanced over at me. "You don't do you?"

"No, I don't."

And it was the truth. Each day that passed I was growing more and more absorbed with him. Like Alice, I was infatuated.

_Look into my eyes,  
And tell me you don't see.  
If only you could realize  
The secret that I keep.  
Unfolding the lies  
That lay down deep.  
Look into my eyes,  
You'll see you and me._


	5. The Big Man

**Author's Note:  
**I wasn't planning on putting a chapter up tonight. If you've read the little note I posted earlier, you know why. But as I sat here, bored because I had nothing to do and not sleepy at all, I pulled up my folder for this story and started to write, seeing how far I could get into chapter five.  
I was content with what I wrote, so I ended it. This chapter is short, but it's crucial. I had no urge to lengthen it.  
I want to thank all of you that have reviewed on the previous chapter, as well as those who have given me your support. It is very much appreciated, and I'm sure you cannot imagine how much it means to me.  
(FUCK. I just hit my foot really hard on the table.)  
Anyways...as I am now in pain, I will leave you to Chapter Five. I hope you find it worth reading.

Lady Jezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Five  
The Big Man  
**

A week had passed by since Edward and I had hung out at the lake. We had gotten a little closer since that day. We went fishing almost every day. Edward finally managed to start reeling some in and his happiness made me happy. He was no longer a bored kid sitting on the bank holding a fishing pole. He actually enjoyed it.

I loved spending time with Edward. He wasn't pushy or judgmental like Quil, and he was strong and masculine, unlike Bella. He was a great person to do things with. A breath of fresh air. I could do things with him and talk about things with him that I wouldn't have been able to do with the other people I knew. He was very easy to get along with.

I found myself missing his presence when he wasn't around. That thought was a little strange to me, but I shrugged it off as him being a new friend. Someone that I wanted to spend time with because he made me happy.

Throughout the week, Edward and his siblings had started sitting at our table during lunch. Quil absolutely hated the idea of this "fag" corrupting our meal time, but between Bella and me, he kept his mouth shut. Truthfully, I didn't care what Quil thought. We had known each other for years, but in the week and a few days that I had known Edward, he was already a better friend that Quil had ever thought about being.

Edward and I laughed at Alice as we forced her into the seat next to Jasper. Her face turned crimson and he seemed a little uncomfortable, but come the next day, neither complained at the seating arrangements. They voluntarily sat next to each other without a word.

The two of us could see the relationship of Jasper and Alice growing daily. They'd be together in no time.

Neither of us expected the other two's interactions to blossom into a relationship, though. Emmett and Rosalie had announced that they were dating only the second day the Cullens sat with us. Shock rang out over the lunch table but they didn't care. They liked each other so that was that.

One of the bad things that started happening in effect of Edward and I becoming such close friends was that rumors, of course, had started to spread. First, I had broken up with Bella for the new gay boy in town. Then after they saw us together at lunch, I was suddenly cheating on her. Some girls giggled as they passed us in the hallways, obviously not offended by the idea of homosexuality, but many guys glared in our directions.

It wasn't like I was fucking gay. I didn't understand the big deal.

One person who absolutely hated the idea of the two of being friends, was none other than Mike Newton. He'd backed me into a corner one day and asked me if I was "with" Edward. I laughed as I pushed him aside. His eyes threw daggers at me as I walked away without answering his question.

Of course I wasn't "with" Edward. He was just my friend. That was all.

I thought it absurd that one couldn't be friends with someone that was attracted to the same sex without their own sexuality being questioned. Absolutely idiotic.

As I unlocked the door to my Volkswagen, which was parked next to the silver Volvo, I noticed Mike walking in our direction. Edward obviously didn't notice him.

"Hey, Edward? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Not wanting to be rude, he agreed to have the little chat.

Mike led him over to his car not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation. I couldn't help but try to read their lips and gave up when I failed miserably. They talked for about ten minutes, Mike's hand falling to the arm Edward had propped up on the hood. He didn't shrug it off. I got a little aggravated at the sight of that. Why wasn't Edward putting an end to the physical contact?

Mike smiled at something Edward had said to him, his grin full of happiness and triumph. Surely Edward hadn't…

And then Mike kissed him.

My mind went blank. It was like I wasn't myself anymore. Like I was watching myself cross the parking lot in a run. My feet were moving on their own accord. I had no control over my body anymore. I couldn't hear the gravel crunch beneath my shoes or Alice shouting from the Volvo. Surely the kiss was over by now, but the image replayed itself over and over in my mind. All I saw was lips on lips.

I was brought out of my state of anger as my fist connected with the pretty blonds face. His back hit the ground with a loud thud. My eyes went wide as I saw the blood pouring from his nose.

"You fucking idiot!" He shouted from his place on the ground.

"Oh my God. Mike are you okay?" Edward asked as he reached down to help him up.

"I think he broke my fucking nose!"

"He didn't break your nose. It's fine. There's just a lot of blood. It'll be okay."

"Why are you helping him?" I asked, confused.

"Because no one deserves having their face bashed in. No matter how big of an annoying little shit they are." Mike whined at Edward's words.

"Whatever."

I walked back to my car, ignoring the smile that had planted itself across Alice's face. I started the engine and drove him in a rage. Why had Edward taken up for him? Were they together now? Did Edward like the feel of Mike's lips on his?

There was one question on my mind that bothered more than all the rest;

Why the fuck did I care?

* * *

I couldn't help but notice Alice's grin as she sat next to me.

After making sure that Mike wasn't going to do anything drastic in response to Jacob's assault, I made sure that he was okay to drive and left to return to my own home.

My head was pounding with the pressure of everything I had on my mind.

Mike had really pissed me off when he kissed me. It was very unexpected and not welcomed, but he still didn't deserve to be punched in the face. I do not approve of physical conflict and I was angry at Jacob for taking it as far as he did.

Why had he even punched him? It's not like I couldn't have handled myself. I didn't want Jacob to become that bodyguard of a friend that thought he had to protect me every time some stupid boy put his hands on me. I wanted him to be better than that. I didn't want him to resort to punching people.

All in all, the situation had gotten very out of hand.

"Do you want me to get you an aspirin or something?" My sister asked.

"No, I'll be fine in a bit. I've just got a lot on my mind."

She lay back on the bed next to me.

"Why did he even kiss you?"

"I don't know Alice. He's an idiot. That's all I can say."

"Well, what were you guys talking about?"

"He asked me why I hadn't called him. I told him that I wasn't interested and he insisted that we get to know each other better. I said that that would be okay and that I figured he was an okay guy. I mean, I have no problem with being friends with him." She nodded her head. "But then, some fucking stupid thought went through his head and he kissed me. I won't even pretend to know what was on his mind."

"I think he's weird."

"Yeah, Jacob said he was really pushy, but I didn't think he would be that stupid."

"Man, did you see Jacob? It was like he lost it. As soon as Mike kissed you, he went nuts."

I hadn't seen Jacob until his fist had connected with nose. I was a bit preoccupied with the boy attacking me.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, praying my headache would go away.

_Think you're the big man.  
Always try to have the upper hand.  
I'll never understand you.  
Confusing me with the things you do.  
Always so hard, always so bold.  
Acting out of things untold._


	6. Chasing Shadows

**Author's Note:  
**Here's your update. :) I would have had this one up sooner, but every person I know decided to call and/or text me while I was writing this chapter. But it's done now, so have at it. hehe.  
Thanks to all those who have recently added me and/or the story to your favorites and alerts. That means a lot.  
Also a shoutout to -XSasukeUchihaX-, Arrioko12, IcePrincess87, asianpervert, Arabella16, dazedx3, Nick, EdwardsKitten, Raven Vianei, Twilight lover72396, and Jennipher for their wonderful reviews. That's the most reviews I've gotten since I've started this story! Thank you guys so much.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Six  
Chasing Shadows**

I lay in bed that night, unable to sleep. I couldn't get the image of Edward and Mike's lips touching out of my head. Every time I replayed the moment over, I became more agitated. At first, I had actually felt a little bad for Mike. I shouldn't have lost my temper. Why did I lose my temper? But the more I thought about that moment, I became less regretful. I started seeing the justification in my reaction. He deserved to be punched in the face. He shouldn't have kissed Edward. He should not have even touched him.

I rolled over on my side, letting out a roar of aggravation. If my father heard my frustration, he didn't let on. Probably thought Bella and I were having some sort of problem. That wasn't possible though, as we hadn't been spending enough time together for a fight. My days had been too wrapped up in Edward.

I thought about the first day I saw him at the lake. He must have been burning up in the black t-shirt he was wearing. I had to admit that I thought he was a little strange that day. I mean, he didn't even speak when I talked to him. And who the hell wears black on a sunny day like that? But then I remembered the stupid cup he had in his hand and Alice's snack. Let Mike Fucking Newton cool his days off for him. I'm sure he would love that.

I closed my eyes and tried to get the image of them together out of my head. What was wrong with me? He was my friend. If Mike made Edward happy then so be it. It's not like there were any other openly gay men in this town. But Edward could have someone so much better. Someone who wasn't an arrogant little bitch. He deserved better than that.

He deserved someone like…

Fuck. This was stupid.

When I opened my eyes back up, the world outside my window was lighter. I peeked out of the crack between the two sides of the curtain. Everything was gray with early morning. The grass was heavy with dew and the trees beyond were black. I glanced over at my alarm clock, and it read 6:45am. I had woken up fifteen minutes before usual. I clicked off the alarm button. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

I got up and searched through my closet for an outfit for the day. Normally, I wouldn't care what I wore. Today, for some unknown reason, I wanted to look good. I threw the emerald green t-shirt that I loved aside. It was the same color as…

I picked out a plain white t-shirt that I knew showed off my muscles. Bella had once told me that she loved this shirt because it left nothing to the imagination. I didn't believe her at the time, but as I now looked over my chest, I realized that she was right. It fit tight around the bulge in my arms and lingered a little too closely to my abdomen. Good choice.

After donning a pair of black jeans and converse, I slipped a hoodie over my head, fearing the cold morning air, then quickly brushed my teeth. I grabbed my car keys off the bar in the kitchen. I looked at the metal formations for a moment, then dropped them back to their resting place. I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Answered a groggy and pissed off female voice.

"Bella, it's Jacob."

"What's wrong, hon?" She asked, suddenly alert.

"Nothing's wrong, well at least not with me." Lie. "My car won't start. I don't feel like getting all oily and stuff before school, so I'm not going to be driving today."

"Um, alright. Do you want me to pick you up then?"

"No, don't worry about it. I'm gonna ride the bike."

She agreed and I hung up the phone. I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door towards the garage.

The air outside was cool and I could feel moisture hanging in the open space that surrounded me. I pulled my hoodie closer to my body and started wondering if I had made the right choice in not driving.

I rode to school quickly, miles over the speed limit.

When I pulled into the student parking lot, I was all but frozen. I shivered violently as I made my way into the school, instantly feeling the heat envelope me.

"Are you alright? You look like you're frozen to death." Edward's voice sang in my ears.

"I'm f-fine." I shivered.

He pulled his jacket off and slung it over my shoulders. I couldn't help but like the way his hands felt as they ran up and down the side of my arms. His attempts to warm me up were working amazingly. I sighed as he pulled me closer into a sort of hug.

"Are you okay, man?"

Something clicked in my head. This wasn't right. My body was reacting to the feel of him in all the wrong ways. This wasn't normal. I shouldn't like the feel of his hands on my arms. I shouldn't have fallen into him so easily. I looked up at his face, a small smile appearing on his full lips. His beautiful green eyes held a lot of emotion. A flicker of something I had never noticed before.

I shrugged his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. This wasn't acceptable. Simply not okay.

"Jacob?"

"Leave me alone, Edward." I walked away from my best friend.

I sat through my first three classes with the same mindset. I couldn't understand what was going on. No, I did understand what was going on. But the things that were happening should not be allowed to happen. At least not to me. I wasn't like that. I shouldn't notice the fullness of his lips or the brilliant color of his eyes. The feel of his skin touching me should not have been met with any sort of reaction out of me at all. But it did.

Did I want it to? Hell no.

This was all too much. Maybe this was happening because I wasn't spending enough time with Bella. That was it. I needed to get laid. By a girl.

I was dreading lunch.

As I sat down at the table, everyone looked up at me. There was a single space between Bella and Edward. How I cursed these current seating arrangements. On the right side was the girlfriend that I loved, and on my left side was my gay best friend that was causing all of my problems.

I started picking through the baked potato ignoring the way his knee would occasionally bump into mine.

I heard snickering and I looked up to see Mike enter the lunchroom. His nose definitely wasn't broken, but there was swelling and he had two black bruises beneath his eyes.

I didn't feel bad about it.

"I heard that you did that, Jacob." Bella said in an accusatory tone. I just nodded. "Why would you do that to him?"

"He was being a jerk to Edward."

I felt a hand touch my left leg and I flinched away. Why did he touch me? I didn't want him to touch me. I scowled at my internal lie.

This was not right at all.

* * *

I couldn't understand him. I was so confused by his actions.

I didn't say anything as he gave his version of the story to his girlfriend. A completely made up version. Alice kept her mouth shut, but I silenced Emmett when started to speak with a swift kick to the shin. No one seemed to notice.

When I touched his leg he acted like I'd burned him. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but he should have known that I didn't mean anything by it.

Well, I did, but he wouldn't have known.

He ignored me throughout lunch and when the meal was over, he left the cafeteria in a hurry. He never slowed when he reached the crowded hallway. Obviously I wouldn't be walking to class with him to today.

When I walked into the gymnasium, he was already playing badminton with a few other students. I slipped onto the stage and pulled out my new paperback copy of Atonement and tried to read. I couldn't even get past the first page. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

He hadn't changed out of his normal clothing today and it was tearing me up inside. The way that white shirt clung to his body. The way his muscles rippled underneath with each movement he made. I felt my body betray me.

I shook the thoughts of him from my mind. But sitting in silence without him next to me was torture. I felt more alone than I had on the first day of school.

When the day was over I walked towards the red motorcycle. He seemed like he was in a hurry. I could tell he didn't want to speak to me. But fuck if I was going to let my best friend act like a dick without me knowing the reason why. It wasn't like I had done anything overtly obvious to reveal my secret. As far as I knew, he was completely in the dark about my feelings towards him.

"Jacob, will you please talk to me?"

"I have nothing to say to you."

"That's what I mean!" I half yelled in frustration. "What's wrong? Why don't you want to talk to me?"

"It's none of your damned business."

"Last time I checked, it was. If I've given you any reason to act like an asshole, talk to me about it. Cause as far as I know, I've done nothing wrong."

"Leave me the fuck alone."

And then he rode off. He was gone just like that.

I stood there for a moment looking after him. I couldn't believe he was treating me this way. I hadn't done anything to him. Had I?

"Come on, Edward." Alice took my shoulder and led me to the car.

I drove home in silence. It was like my brother and sister knew not to say anything. I was glad they didn't because it took everything in me to stay on the road while my thoughts ran amuck.

"You don't understand what's going on with him do you?"

Alice sat down at my feet. I didn't look at her, focusing my gaze on the stars instead. They were like his eyes.

"You'll find out in time." She started to walk away.

"What? Do you know why he's acting like this?"

She just gave me a look that told me nothing and closed the door, leaving me to my thoughts again. For tonight, I didn't have the strength to go after her.

_Chasing shadows on the wall.  
I can't understand you at all.  
Don't just drag me along.  
Tell me what I'm doing wrong.  
Don't become a memory.  
I desperately need you here with me._


	7. Broken Pieces

**Author's Note:  
**Thanks to all of those that reviewed chapter six; asianpervert, Arabella16, Jennipher, IcePrincess87, chaosRUBEDO, Nick, Arrioko12, Josefina, and Lost in the wings of angels. Thanks to all of you, as well as those who have recently added me and/or the story to your favorites or alerts list. Much appreciated. :)  
On my author page, I have a little section that is set up for my stories and their status. I recently came up with an idea for a story, so I posted it on there. I have yet to start writing on it, but if I'm still into it by the time this story is complete, I will start working on that one. It's called When No One Is Home and it is Edward/Jasper. If you are into that pairing, please check it out on my page and let me know what you think of the idea.  
Seems like there was something else I was going to point out for you, but I'm drawing blanks right now. So I'll let you get on to chapter seven! (Also, I apologize for this chapter being kind of short.)

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Seven  
Broken Pieces**

Two days had passed since I had spoken to Edward. I didn't talk to him at school, I ignored his phone calls, and I thought about him as every second ticked by. I didn't like the changes that were taking place inside of me. I didn't want to be another statistic. Another boy that realized out of nowhere that he liked other boys. This wasn't me.

What would my father say if he found out what lay in the inner workings of his sons mind? How would he react if he knew that I had woken up this morning, boxers sticking to my skin, semen leaking out of my hard erection, because of the images that haunted me in my dreams? Would he hate me? No, my father isn't capable of hating. But he definitely wouldn't approve of the idea.

I left my home in search of the retreat of Bella's arms. I ached for some form of normalcy. I needed a face that wasn't his. Skin that was soft and smelled of flowers instead of aftershave. Long hair that I could wrap my fingers in.

When I arrived Charlie was leaving. He walked out with a sandwich in his hand, obviously just stopping by to get some lunch before he went back to being Chief Swan.

"You two be good kids, now." He said, waving to me.

I had no plans of being a good boy today.

I shut the door behind me and quickly ascended the stairs until I was face to face with Bella's bedroom door. I saw no use in knocking so I walked on in. She was standing next to her CD player looking through multiple music disks. She hadn't heard me walk in.

I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist. So small, so fragile, she was. I kissed her neck.

"Oh my Gosh, Jacob. You scared the living crap out of me."

I didn't reply. I pulled her around to face me and cupped her cheek with my palm. I assaulted her lips hungrily, forcing them open, and pushed her body up against mine. I could feel her taught breasts against my chest, her hair sticking in the stubble on my chin.

"Jacob?" She pulled back, her pupils dilated. She wanted me, it was obvious.

"I just…I need you Bella."

She smiled and tugged my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor. She ran her hands up and down the muscles on my body, covering every inch of me. I pushed her back onto the bed and she undid her jeans. I wasted no time in pulling them from her lower half. I took my pants and shoes off as she removed her panties. Such frilly little girly things. I didn't like them as much as I should have. I threw my boxers aside and my lips met hers again as I held myself above her. She broke away, attempting to take her shirt off.

"Leave it on." I growled.

"I love you." She whispered back, kissing my neck.

I buried my face in the pillow beneath her head and pushed into her, ignoring the fact that I wasn't wearing any sort of protection. Bella was on the pill. She had been since before we started dating. For her period, she had told me.

She gasped as I pulled back out and thrust into her small body once more. She was dry, I could tell. But she didn't complain. I felt her lips on my neck and I moaned loudly into the pillowcase. She was so tight, so warm. I felt her walls clamping down on me as she her breathing became more ragged.

My hand found the small crease below her knee and I pulled her leg up, half resting her thigh on her stomach, the other she wrapped around my waist. I thrust into her deeply, harder than normal.

"Shit." She breathed.

I could feel one of her hands on the back of my sweaty neck; the other was dragging down shoulder blade. She dug her nails into my skin and I cursed loudly, wishing she had cut them off. Her hips quivered and twitched violently as she moaned into my neck. I drilled my cock into her hard, feeling the tight embrace of her body as she came the first time.

I pulled myself from her arms and grasped her hips. I pumped into her warm center, pulling her down on me, as I felt myself letting go. My eyes closed and I saw emerald green flash on the inner side of my lids as I shot my seed deep inside of her. Pulse after pulse, I moaned as the orgasm rocketed through me. I rode out my release, feeling her come once again.

I tried to slow my breathing as I collapsed, careful not to let my full weight crush her. If only she was harder, stronger, sturdier, I wouldn't have to watch myself. I could just let go without the fear of hurting her. I sighed, slipping out of her warm folds, and rolled over to the other side of the bed.

We lay there silently for a few minutes, trying desperately to regain what little composure we had.

* * *

I laughed as Alice's face flushed. She looked down into her mashed potatoes, focused on not punching the daylights out of Emmett.

We were all sitting around the dining room table, eating our meal and sharing stories of when Alice was little. Jasper set next to her, trying to contain his laughter for her sake. She had invited him over to dinner to meet the rest of the family, unaware that this night would lead to her utter embarrassment.

"Dr. Cullen this food is amazing. I have to say that I am shocked you were the one to prepare it. My dad can't even make popcorn without filling the house with smoke."

"Jasper, please, call me Carlisle. There's no room for formalities while we're having dinner."

"Yes, Sir."

We all laughed at his reply.

I settled down quickly and stuck a fork full of Roast Beef into my mouth.

It felt good to laugh. I had been in a relatively bad mood since Jacob had started ignoring me. It tore me up inside knowing that he wouldn't even answer my phone calls. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. We hadn't even been friends for a month yet, and I had already screwed things up somehow. Was I completely incapable of having a straight male friend without it blowing up in my face?

After dinner was fully consumed, I sank into the loveseat as Emmett pulled out a box of old home movies and shoved one of them into our ancient VCR. Alice beamed at the image on the screen. Mom cringed in horror.

It was a video that Dad had taken right after Alice was born. She was wrapped up tight in a pink blanket and lay sleeping in my mother's arms. She was absolutely crazy to have all of us so close together. I looked to be about two years old and the chubby little lump that was Emmett was barely older than a year.

"Look boys." She crooned, holding the baby in her arms a little lower so we could see. "This is your new baby sister. Isn't she beautiful?" Emmet's head was shaking a furious no at her, while I was perched on my tiptoes trying to place a kiss onto Alice's forehead.

"I always knew you two would get along great." Mom said, smiling at Alice and me. I grinned.

Jasper laughed as the screen switched to a more recent video. Emmett was wrestling with Alice. He had her head pinned beneath his arm and was giving her a noogie.

"Emmett take the video out." My sister said suddenly.

"Why? Don't want your boyfriend to see how big of a wimp you are?"

"That's not why-"

The camera panned around the room and settled on a couch where two boys sat laughing.

"Oh. I'm sorry, Edward. I forgot."

I ignored my brother and pulled myself up from the couch. I felt my face start to burn and my eyes began to ache. When the two teenagers started making fun of each other, Emmett pulled the tape from the machine. I turned and walked out of the living room.

"Who was that?" I heard Jasper whisper.

"That was Sean." Alice sighed. "Edward's first boyfriend."

_You took my heart,  
Then let it go.  
Memories fade,  
But I still know.  
Hard to forget,  
Easily found.  
Broken pieces,  
Left on the ground.  
_


	8. My Place

**Author's Note:  
**I want to apologize for not getting this up earlier. I've had a really long and rough day.  
Thanks to Arabella16, chaosRUBEDO, Nick, merethebear, dazedx3, IcePrincess87, asianpervert, Jennipher, and lost in the wings of angels for your awesome reviews. Also, thanks to those that have recently added me and/or the story to your favorites or alert lists. I appreciate it very much and I'm glad all of you are liking the story.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Eight  
My Place  
**

I sighed as I looked out over the water. The fish weren't biting and the calm, serene feeling of the lake brought no relaxation for me today. I reeled the line in and threw the fishing pole onto the ground beside me. This probably wasn't a good idea, considering the pole was brand new, but in my state of mind, I didn't care if the sparkly green Shakespeare was battered up or not. I had bought it for my best friend and was going to surprise him with it. He had gotten really good at fishing and I thought he deserved one of his own. But that was days ago and I hadn't had the chance to give it to him. I probably never would now.

I was no longer confused about my feelings towards Edward. When I had slept with Bella the day before, everything had suddenly been put into focus. I hadn't looked at her when I came. It was his eyes that had brought me to my release. Sure as I was, it didn't stop the humiliation that welled up inside of me. I was ashamed at the fact that I had thought about another man while I had sex with my girlfriend. It just wasn't right by any means. Was what I did considered cheating? I hadn't done anything with him but my mind was definitely not with her.

I couldn't deny the fact that I was attracted to him anymore. He was in my dreams when I slept and in every thought when I was awake. I ached to kiss he lips and I wanted to touch him more than I needed to breathe. I couldn't shake off the feeling of his fingers on my arms or the smile on his face when he was happy. The look in those emerald green eyes as he pushed into my body in my dreams. I longed to see that look for real. To know that I was the one making him come undone. I wanted to feel the emotion in him as he let go and kissed me like he would never see me again. I desperately needed to give in to the rapture that was Edward.

My denial had faded completely, but a monster even stronger forced itself up into me. Rage. I was angry at the beautiful boy. Pissed off completely. Who did he think he was walking into my happy life and screwing it up, tearing it to a million pieces? No one gave him the right to control my emotions the way he did. It wasn't fucking fair that I had to stay away from him in fear of losing myself. And it was his fault. All of it was his fault. This never would have happened if the stupid Cullens hadn't moved here. I would have still been happy. I would have still wanted to be with the girlfriend that I had loved. Probably would've ended up getting married at some point. Raise a family. But no! Fucking gorgeous Edward Cullen had to walk in and make me become attracted to him! Make me want men!

I huffed at my thoughts, grabbed a rock from grassy bank and threw it forcefully out into the calm lake. It landed hard with a loud plunk, then quickly sank to the bottom. Like my life. Like my heart.

I felt a vibration buried deep within the pocket of my jeans. I growled again then stuck my hand into my pants to fish out the cell phone. Thinking it was Edward, I almost hit the red button. But it was my father.

"Hello?"

"Jake? There's a girl that's been calling you. Called here about fifty times, I swear! Said she didn't have your cell phone number."

"Do you know who it is?"

"Um…hold on a second."

I heard papers rustling on his end of the phone.

"Here it is. Her name is Alice Cullen. Isn't she one of those new kids?"

"Yeah, alright. Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to you later." I wasn't going to call her.

"Jake, wait. There was something else."

"What?" I asked, impatiently.

"She told me to tell you that she knows what's going on."

I felt my blood pressure rise.

"What did you say?"

"She just said that she knows what's going on with you. You're not in any kind of trouble are you, Son?"

"No, Dad. I'm not."

I hung up the phone and closed my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose feeling a headache push its way to the surface. Alice couldn't possibly know what I'm dealing with. There's no way she would know that I am basically obsessed with her brother. And if she did…well, then I was in a little bit of trouble.

I sat there quietly for about twenty minutes deciding on what I should do. Should I call Alice? Would it just make things worse? I really did need to talk to someone. I knew that bottling all of this up inside would only make it worse in the long run. I needed someone to tell me they understand. I needed that shoulder to cry on. Even if it was a sixteen year old girl.

"Is Alice there?" I had caved and dialed the Cullen house.

"This is Alice."

"Oh, Dad said you ca-"

"Pick me up at the house. Edward isn't here."

"Alright…"

She hung up the phone. I stuffed the cell back into my pocket, loaded my fishing gear up, and left Janson Lake in search of the Cullen home. I realized quickly that I didn't know where the house was. I had never been there before. At least I didn't have anything better to do.

I turned at the intersection in town and went left, heading towards the outskirts of town where some of the more expensive houses were. Edward sure had a nice car, and all the Cullens I had seen wore pretty nice clothing. I searched around for about thirty minutes until I saw a silver car in the driveway of a really big white house. I pulled over onto the side of the road and got out to have a closer look. Sure enough, the silver Volvo had the blue star shaped air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. Alice said he wasn't home.

I walked up to the house, irritated for being lied to. I contemplated turning and running back to my car and forgetting this whole mess. My phone vibrated again.

"Where are you?" Alice asked.

"Standing in front of your door."

I heard a click and the line went dead.

"What took you so long?" She asked, opening the front door.

"I didn't know where your house was. I thought you said he wasn't home." I added the last statement in a whisper.

"He's not. He went to some thing they're having at the hospital with Mom and Dad."

"Oh. Couldn't you have just driven-"

"Yeah, right. Edward would kill me if I drove the Volvo."

I couldn't help but grin at the look on her face.

"You're really bad for interrupting people. Did you know that?"

She laughed and got into my car. I followed suit and started up the engine.

"Your car is weird."

"Where are we going?"

"The lake, I suppose."

I nodded my head in agreement and drove back to the lake. She didn't jump out of the car like I thought she would. She just sat there, staring straight ahead out at the water.

"We need to talk." She whispered.

"I thought that's what we were here to do."

"Don't be a smart ass, Jacob. He's my brother and I'm serious about this."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"I know what's going on."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"How could you possibly have any idea what's going on with me, Alice? We don't even talk."

"I watched my brother go through the same thing."

"Whatever."

"I know you don't like what's happening. But it is happening Jacob. Don't take it out on my brother. Don't make him suffer with you."

So she did know. I looked out the window, wanting to escape to a different world. A world where shit like this didn't happen.

"Alice, I just can't do it. I can't be around him."

"At least talk to him! He thinks he's done something wrong."

"Don't you see? He has. If it weren't for him-"

"No, Jacob. That's where you're wrong. It's not his fault. Even if we had never come here you would have realized this about yourself. Maybe not as soon, but sometime in the future you would have become attracted to another man."

She hit right on the spot. Hammered the nail into the weakest point of me. She knew of my biggest insecurity.

"I'm not gay."

"Gay, bi, whatever. Just be happy that it's someone who understands. Be happy that you're falling for someone that is also attracted to men. A lot of people aren't as lucky as you, Jacob."

"Lucky as me? You call my situation lucky?"

"Yes, I do, actually. You couldn't have asked for a better person to fall for." I smirked. "Just don't put him through this anymore. Even if you don't plan on telling him, at least don't stop being friends with him."

"I can't do that, Alice. Every time I'm around him…" I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't tell her how much I wanted touch my lips to his or feel his arms wrapped tight around me.

"I'm not saying it won't be hard. But maybe you should give him a chance. Maybe you should try and see what it's like being with him. I know you care about him."

"First of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, you should be the first to know that just because he's gay doesn't mean he's attracted to every guy he meets."

"And you shouldn't be so stupid and thick-headed. I know he's not attracted to every guy he meets. But I also know that he's been attracted to you since the first day he saw you."

"What did you just say?"

"Shit." She covered her face with her hands. "Edward's going to murder me when he finds out I told you."

Edward Cullen wanted me?

* * *

I walked into the house and headed straight for the kitchen. The party that the hospital had thrown in honor of it anniversary was fun, but there was not a single ounce of good food to be found within a two mile radius. The food, ironically, tasted like hospital food. Did they not prepare decent dishes at their parties? Or was it cheaper to just feed everyone the same food they forced upon the patients?

I pulled out two frozen waffles from the freezer and stuffed them into the toaster.

I was startled by a noise behind me. I turned to see who it was and found Alice getting a drink from the refrigerator.

"Hey, how was your day?"

"It was okay. I just sat around being bored. That was all."

"Okay…"

She avoided eye contact with me and as soon as I was done speaking she retreated back to the living in a rush. What was going on with her? Had Jasper come over today? Figures that Emmett wouldn't watch them like he should.

When the waffles popped up, I grabbed them quickly, throwing them from hand to hand as they cooled down a little. I didn't bother putting them on a plate or adding syrup. I just ate them plain. A lot less messy and just as tasty.

I made my way to my bedroom and pulled out a pair of loose sweat pants from the drawer. I finished off the second waffle and grabbed my cherry scented body wash, shampoo, and conditioner from the top of my dresser. No one was allowed to use this stuff but me and that's why it stayed in my room. I couldn't help but be selfish and picky sometimes.

I walked to the bathroom and pulled a towel from the closet across the hall. I locked the bathroom door behind me, started the shower, then pulled my clothes off and stepped in. The water was hot, but I reveled in it. I let it soak over my body and calm my nerves. I could feel the knots in my neck unraveling and become loose. I needed a good massage badly.

After I washed my body and hair, convinced that I smelled like one big huge delicious Maraschino cherry, I shut the water off and grabbed the towel. When I was done wiping off all the left over water droplets, I shoved my legs inside the sweat pants and went back to my room.

I had been forcing myself not to think of Sean, but as I lay in my bed, his memory came, haunting me. I could remember everything. The color of his eyes, the smell of his hair. I could even remember what brand of boxers he preferred.

I gave up trying for the night and stalked over to my closet, feeling like I weighed a thousand pounds. My heart ached as I pulled out the box of letters he had written me. I lifted the lid and was met with a photograph that Alice had taken on the same day of the video. Of course, Mom wasn't there when this was taken because she thought he was only a friend at that time.

His black hair was falling over his eye as he leaned over and kissed my cheek. His arm was wrapped around my waist. I was looking into the camera, grinning like an idiot. I had never been so happy.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I became angry. I was over crying for him. I was done remembering him. I was over him.

"Stupid mother fucker." I spat.

I grasped the edges of the glossy paper and pulled, loving the way it gave out so easily. The sound of ripping was music to my ears. I was destroying him and it felt good. I threw the shredded photograph into the trashcan then went back for the box of letters. Miserable excuse for a fucking man.

_Rip me to pieces.  
I'll tear you apart.  
I know how it feels  
To have no heart.  
I hate your lies.  
I hate your face.  
I hate the way  
He took my place.  
_


	9. Release and Relaxation

**Author's Note:  
**Thanks to Marissalove123, Arabella16, jacob-bella4073, Jennipher, Tenar Ohtarwen, Innocent Uke, asianpervert, Nick, lost in the wings of angels, dazedx3, Emotionsonhold, and Raven Vianei for your awesome reviews. Also, thanks to those that have recently added me and/or the story to your favorites or alerts lists. Much appreciated.  
For those that don't know, I update this story every night. The latest chapter usually goes up sometime between 10pm and 1am. Just depends on what kind of day I have had. :)  
I also apologize for this chapter being a bit short.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Nine  
Release and Relaxation  
**

Throughout the school day, I watched Edward with suspicion and curiosity. I was noticing things that I had looked over when I didn't know that he liked me. The way he looked at me, with that little spark in his beautiful eyes, the smile that crossed his face when he caught me staring back at him. Why hadn't I noticed these things before? I guess I was too caught up in myself. And considering he was nothing more than a friend to me at that time, I didn't have a reason to observe him properly.

Alice was right. Even though I couldn't be with Edward in the way that both of us wanted, I shouldn't make him feel like he had done something wrong. I shouldn't make him suffer for something that, I admit, wasn't really his fault. He had no control over who fell for him. I'd just have to suck it up, pain and all, and be friends with him again.

We sat through lunch quietly. I could see Alice eyeing the two of us constantly and prayed that she would stop being so obvious. My girlfriend was sitting right next to me.

"Jacob are you going to the bonfire party Friday night?" Bella asked.

"I didn't know there was one."

"Yeah, you're dad didn't tell you? He told Charlie to let me know."

"Nah, he didn't mention it. But I guess I'll be there."

"You guys should come too." She said, addressing the rest of the people at the table.

"Alice and I have a date that night." Jasper replied.

"Yeah, me and Rose won't be available either. We uh, have plans."

"Do you have plans too, Edward? Please tell me you don't."

How was she so oblivious to the tension between us?

"I don't have any, actually."

"Good, so you'll come, then?"

He looked at me and I smiled.

"You should come. It'll be fun." I said.

"Alright. But I'll need a ride. I don't know where anything's at here."

"I'll pick you up."

We finished our lunch as Bella went on to describe how much fun the previous bonfire parties were. I had to admit, they were a lot of fun and very entertaining, but I couldn't help but find it annoying how she just kept going on and on and on. It was just a freakin' party.

As gym class rolled around, I decided to be nice and not ignore him. So as the volleyball game started before the bell even rang, I perched myself on the concrete stage. When he walked in, a grin lit up his face. He was so beautiful.

"So, are you my friend again?"

"I never stopped being your friend."

"Well you weren't exactly acting like a friend last week. Can I ask why?"

"I was just going through some stuff, Edward. But it's over now. Can we just forget about it?"

"I guess we can. No use crying over spilled milk."

I glanced over at him and burst out laughing.

"What?"

"I hate that expression. Please don't ever say that again."

He smiled.

"So what's the deal with this party?"

"I don't know. They're not as exciting as Bella makes them out to be. It's basically just a lot of family friends getting together and bringing their kids. We cook out and some of the older men sing and play their guitars. The women mostly just stand around and gossip."

"You sure it's alright that I come? I mean, I'm not exactly family."

"It's not just family, but mostly. It'll be fun having you there, though. I'll have someone better to talk to."

"Quil isn't going?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't really make good conversation."

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I gave Edward an apologetic smile and pulled it out.

"Hello?"

"Jacob? You're allowed to sign yourself out, aren't you?"

"Yeah, now that I'm eighteen. Why?"

It was my father and he sounded really worried.

"Sign yourself out and come home as soon as you can. There's been an accident."

* * *

I ate dinner in silence. I was worried. Jacob had been so happy, finally like the friend I had been missing. After he got the call from his dad, he looked so scared. When I had asked him what was wrong he didn't say anything. He just said that he had to leave and then he was gone in a rush.

I was so confused by the way he was acting today. Why had he suddenly wanted to be friends with me again? What had changed? I found myself wondering if he was a good person to hang out with. His moods and actions were constantly changing and I wasn't sure if I could handle dealing with someone who was nice to me one minute, cussed me out the next, then out of nowhere decided that he wanted to be nice to me again. What was I missing? Was there something going on with him that I should have been aware of?

No. If I should have known, then I would have. It wasn't my business.

I excused myself from the table, finding that I had no appetite.

I took a quick shower, no bothering to use my smelly good stuff, then pulled on a pair of boxers and slid beneath the sheets and blankets, wishing for a peaceful sleep.

The heat of late night soon engulfed me and I slung the blankets off my body. The thoughts in my head soon turned to the one boy I could never rid myself of. The image of him in the white form-fitting shirt played behind my eyelids and I wished I could touch the muscles on his chest. I could almost taste the sweat that slid down his skin.

I slipped my hand beneath the silk of my boxers and was not surprised to find myself growing hard. It had been so long since I had done anything for myself. I had been too worried and stressed out. But now, as I remembered the way he looked stepping out of the lake, water dripping down, I let myself go. The lights were turned off, so I didn't worry about one of my family members walking in. We had an unspoken rule in our house. If the lights are off, stay out.

I gripped my erection hard, pumping my fist up and down. My thumb slid over the tip and squeezed, spreading the tiny amount of pre-cum over the head. I imagined Jake's face, his dark hair, how the tender flesh of his lips would feel as they slid over me, and moaned loudly.

My eyes shot wide as my door burst open and the light came on.

"Oh my God. I am so sorry."

I was still shaking from the pleasure as I quickly slipped my cock back into my boxers and pulled the cover over my waist. I couldn't believe what had just happened.

"It's alright. You can come back in now." I called out to Jacob who had run out into the hallway after he saw what I was doing.

My face turned a brilliant shade of red and I felt like I was on fire at the thought of him catching me masturbating.

"Are you sure? I could leave…"

"Come in, Jake."

He walked back into my bedroom, his own face the color of crimson. His eyes were locked on the carpet beneath his feet.

"You can look at me, you know. I'm decent."

"I really am sorry about that. I should have knocked first."

"Yes, you should have knocked, I'll give you that much."

A nervous laugh escaped his lips.

"So what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"My sister was in a car accident today." His face turned solemn. "She's in the hospital."

"Jake, I'm sorry. Is she alright?"

I thought about getting up and pulling him into a hug, but my I was still semi-hard and didn't feel like embarrassing him further.

"Yeah, she's fine. She has a lot of broken bones, but she's going to be okay. Dad is staying with her tonight. I didn't want to be alone at the house."

"Do you want to stay over tonight? I'm sure my parents won't mind." I said absentmindedly straightening the blanket over myself. He watched my hands.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Well you don't have a guest bedroom, and I don't want to impose on you. I'll just go home."

Involuntarily, his eyes landed on the mattress. He glanced up quickly in hopes that I wouldn't have noticed.

But I did.

Anger flared through me.

"You're afraid to sleep in the same bed with me, aren't you?"

"I-"

"No, save it Jacob. I thought you were different. I thought you saw me as more than that."

"I do."

"No you don't! You're afraid to sleep in the same bed with your gay friend in fear that the sick and twisted pervert won't be able to keep his hands off of you! I can control myself better than that you know."

"Yeah? Well I can't."

"What?" Confusion tore through my anger.

"Nothing."

And with that, Jacob left, slamming the door to my bedroom on his way out.

Jacob was worried about his own self control? That's why he wouldn't sleep in the same bed with me? His resistance had nothing do with the fact that I'm gay?

I got out of bed and walked out on the balcony running these thoughts over and over in my mind.  
I hadn't realized that he had been questioning his own sexuality. Trying to keep him from finding out my own interior motives to being around him had taken up so much of my thoughts and actions that I hadn't even realized what was happening with the object of my affection.

The boy that I cared about, the one that I was attracted to and wanted more than all the others, was having feelings that he didn't know how to react to. That's why he had been avoiding me. That's why he wouldn't talk to me.

"Shit." I sighed, coming back inside and dropping onto the bed mentally exhausted.

I had no urge to finish what I had started before he had come barging in on me. I lay there, not bothering to turn out the lights. Thankfully, a few moments later, I fell into a dreamless slumber.

_The secrets you kept,  
I'd wanted to see.  
Reveal them you did,  
Finally to me.  
Release and relaxation  
Tearing through my heart.  
Hope and frustration,  
Where do I start?_


	10. Oh Sweet Melody

**Author's Note:  
**First, I want to apologize for not replying to a lot of the reviews that were left on chapter nine. I haven't really had that much time to do anything. But thanks to those that did review; asianpervert, Marissalove123, merethebear, SophiaBushFan, Jennipher, Emotionsonhold, jacob-bella4073, Arabella16, Tenar Ohtarwen, and Umm Attyyah. Also, a thanks to those that have recently added me and/or the story to your alerts or favorites lists. I appreciate it very much.  
Thought I'd let you guys know that the details of the crash are actual events. One of my best friends was in a car wreck today. Fortunately, she escaped with only bruises and sore arms because of the airbag, but yeah. I'm glad she's okay. lol. Oh, and the bonfire party is based on an actual bonfire party that I went to with one of my other best friends. :P I put a lot of my actual life into my stories, obviously.  
And I better get some good freakin' reviews on this chapter!

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Ten  
Oh Sweet Melody**

I hadn't returned to school in three days. I stayed at the hospital by my sister's side. I was excused for school, since news of the accident had spread throughout town. There were constantly people coming to see her, bring her gifts or cards or flowers. No one seemed interested in the girl that had gone off to college until her life had been put on the line.

Rachel was coming back for a quick visit. She was right outside of town when a man in a truck pulled out in front of her. She had rear-ended him, totaling her car. The only comment she had made was about how pissed off she had been that her car was so messed up, and the only thing that happened to the truck was that the bumper had fallen off. Her windshield had busted out completely and the hood had crunched up all the way to the broken glass.

She had a broken collar bone, broken leg, broken arm, some of her fingers were broken, and she had some injuries to the head. Thankfully, those had only been minor. The air bag had left her with big blotches of black and yellowing bruises on her arms. She was having a little trouble breathing but that was in result of the dust that had been stirred up when she crashed.

I had missed my sister when she was gone, but now sitting with her in the hospital, I couldn't bring myself to admit that I may not have skipped school just to be with her. I knew that I was running from my confession to Edward. How could I have been so stupid to let something like that slip? I had been so flustered when I had seen what he was doing. I blamed myself for not knocking, but in the farthest corners of my mind, I was glad that I hadn't.

"What's wrong, Jake?" Rachel asked, squeezing my hand.

"Nothing, I'm just worried about you."

"You know I'm fine. Gained about a thousand pounds in plaster, but I'm okay. There's someone else on your mind."

Stupid observant sister.

"Is it Bella? Are you guys having problems?"

"No, we're fine."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah, I know." I looked up at her face and her eyes were full of understanding. She smiled lightly, then let her lips draw back into a straight line.

"Who is he?"

"What?"

"I can see it in your eyes. What's his name?"

"I'll never understand how you find out my most hidden secrets."

"I'm your big sister. I've spent your entire life learning your secrets." She grinned. "Now are going to tell me his name?"

"His name is Edward."

"How absolutely gorgeous is he?" I blushed.

"On a scale of one to ten? He's about a million. He has hair the color of copper and his eyes are the most beautiful shade of green. Like emeralds."

"With him being as handsome as you say, why are you sitting here conversing with your sister? I know you're not sleeping in the stupid recliner thing and eating nasty hospital food just for me. What did you do?"

I snort came from within my throat. I laughed, embarrassed.

"Okay, keep most of the details to yourself. I'm not sure I want to know the full story. Just tell me why you're avoiding him."

"I'm not avoiding him. I just- okay, I am avoiding him. I kind of accidently told him that I wouldn't be able to control myself if we had to sleep in the same bed." My face felt like lava.

"Did he punch you, throw you out, use vulgar language?"

"No."

"So you have a crush on a straight boy that doesn't care that you have no self control?"

"He's not exactly straight."

"So he's gay?"

"Yes, and he likes me too."

"Then what the hell are you doing here? Get out."

I looked at her with wide eyes.

"I'm serious. Get out."

"You're kicking me out of the hospital?"

"Yes, and I don't want to see your face until the two of you are an item. No go and talk to him."

"You can't be serious."

"Yes, deadly." The look in her eyes told me she wasn't playing.

I gathered up my belongings and after giving her one last pleading look, I left the room. As I shut the door behind me I could hear her laughing. Stupid sibling. How do sisters know everything in the universe?

Instead of going to Edward's house like I was told, I went back home. Dad was sitting on the couch in front of the television with a bag of Doritos.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be eating junk food? What happened to your diet?"

"I'm vegging out because of stress. Leave me alone." He laughed. "You're not staying at the hospital tonight?"

"No, Rachel kind of kicked me out." He didn't need to the details.

"Good. She needs some rest without us there. So are you still planning on going to the bonfire tonight?"

Oh shit.

"Uh, I kind of forgot about that."

"Well, your friend Edward called to see what time you were picking him up."

"I don't think I'm gonna go."

"You're going."

"What?"

"You need to get out. Hang out with your friends."

"Dad, I don't think-"

"You're going Jake, and that's final."

I huffed and stalked to my bedroom, making sure to stomp extra hard on the wooden floor. It would do no good to argue with him.

"I heard what you did."

"Alice, I really don't want to talk about it. I'd rather just forget about it ever happening."

"Whatever, Mr. Idiot."

"Just tell Edward I'll be there to pick him up at six."

"Okay."

After setting my alarm for 5:30pm, I lay back. I figured I would try to get a nap in before I had to leave. I was devastatingly worn out. The recliner at the hospital really wasn't a good thing to sleep on.

As I my eyelids closed and sleep took me over, I was bombarded with dreams of bronze hair, emerald eyes, and unfortunately, the sweat covered body of the pale Edward as he jerked himself off under the light from the moon. His fingers were working magic on his hardened length, and I kissed his lips with utter desperation. I could smell the scent of him, taste the salty moisture on his skin.

My shot open wide as he came, screaming my name.

"Jake! Get up! It's 6:25!"

I covered my own erection, praying to God that I hadn't talked in my sleep. That was all I needed. Dad hearing the details of my nocturnal erotica.

"Did you hear me, Jake?"

"Yes, Dad. I heard you."

He turned and left me alone.

Wait? Did he say it was 6:25? Fuck, fuck, fuck! I was supposed to pick Edward up almost half an hour ago! Why hadn't my alarm gone off? I glanced over at it quickly, realizing the button was pulled down. I must have turned it off in my sleep.

I jumped up and grabbed the first clean shirt that touched my fingers. I threw the dirty one in the basket and pulled the cloth over my head. After I straightened out the tangles in my hair, I grabbed my keys and jumped in the Rabbit, heading for the big white house in a hurry.

* * *

He's not going to show up. I know it. He's almost half an hour late. I should have known he wouldn't want me there.

I checked the clock for the hundredth time.

"He'll be here, Edward. Calm down."

"He's late."

"He'll show up. He wouldn't lie to me."

I threw a disbelieving look at my sister.

"Hey!" She said, throwing her hands up defensively. "Jacob and I have had more interaction than you know. He told me he'd be here, so he'll be here."

I didn't feel like delving into the secrets my sister held at the moment.

A car horn honked outside. Alice grinned.

"Told you so."

"Shut up, Alice."

I checked myself in the bathroom mirror quickly, then ran outside and jumped into the small car. We were already speeding down the highway before I could buckle my seatbelt.

"No offense, but considering your sister just got into a car accident, shouldn't you slow down?"

He growled but I noticed that as he drove further out of town the needle on the speedometer lowered. I relaxed silently.

"How come you were late?"

"I overslept."

"We match."

"What?"

"We match. Look at our shirts." We both were wearing The Clash band t-shirts.

He glanced over at my shirt and muttered something unintelligible.

And that was that. He didn't speak the rest of the way.

We ended up on a long patch of dirt road. The area seemed very much secluded and I could see no one in sight. But a moment later, a line of cars became visible. There was no real parking spot or drive way. Everyone had just pulled up behind the car in front of them and shut the engine off. So he did the same.

On each side of us there were woods. We walked for what seemed to be forever, until we came to a clearing. It looked like just a big huge field. On one end there was nothing but tents. On the other, there was a house, a swing set, a fire pit, and loads of people.

There were about five men standing around a grill and next to it was a long table filled with various types of drinks and snacks.

"What's with the tents?"

"A lot of people just stay. They bring up their tents and just camp out."

That was a neat idea.

We walked up to the crowd of people and were instantly put into conversation. I was introduced to so many people that I couldn't even begin to remember all of their names. A lot of them seemed to know my father, though.

The sun soon went down and the bonfire was quickly started. After eating a plate full of grilled salmon and baked beans, we all settled around the fire pit. Some of the older men brought out their guitars and banjos and started playing a tune that I didn't recognize.

"I'll be right back." Jacob said, getting up and leaving.

I was surprised that I had not seen Bella or Quil anywhere. But they were probably just lost in the sea of faces that I didn't know.

Jacob seemed to answer my question as he sat back down, handing me a glass.

"Bella's got that stomach flu or whatever. So she didn't come. Quil, like always, is in the house flirting."

I nodded my head and took a drink of the dark liquid.

"Woah. What is this?"

"It's wine."

I glanced around at all the adults, wondering if anyone noticed what we were drinking.

"Don't worry. We're not gonna get into trouble."

"We're not?"

"No. If you're underage, but mature enough, they don't care. I mean, they won't let you drink excessively, but one or two glasses are okay as long as they're here to watch."

"Wow."

I sipped on my drink, not really liking it, but wanting to indulge a little all the same. It's not every day that I'm allowed to drink alcoholic beverages.

I couldn't help but notice how Jacob wouldn't even look at me. His eyes seemed to be glued on the red and orange flames that licked into the dark of night.

I needed to talk to him. I desperately needed to understand. I knew that he wanted me. He had made that clear last night. But it seemed that drastic measures were going to have to be taken to get him to admit it.

The bright and happy melody that came from the elders' instruments ended and turned into a soft, melancholy tune.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." Jake said. He didn't move.

"I mean alone. Away from everyone else."

"I don't-"

"Please, Jacob."

He sighed and put his drink on the ground. He got up from the log we were sitting on and started walking towards the road where all the cars were parked. It was pitch black there. I followed him.

He finally stopped in the most secluded area possible and leaned up against the tailgate of someone's truck.

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Jacob, the reason why you wouldn't have anything to do with me, why you didn't want to be around me…was it because…were you…?" Why couldn't I just get it out already?

"Was I what?"

"Jacob are you attracted to me?"

"No, I'm not."

"So you won't like it if I do this."

I slipped closer to him in the darkness, pressing my body against his. He took a deep breath as he tried to back up and realized he had nowhere to go. His back was pressing against the cold metal of the vehicle.

"What are you doing, Edward?"

"Making sure you're not attracted to me." I whispered into his ear.

He held his breath as I ran my lips over his jawbone, not kissing him, just trailing my flesh against his.

"I don't want this, Edward." He breathed into my hair.

I could feel his hands gripping my arms as my lips continued their path to the tender flesh on his neck.

"You don't?"

I lifted my head up and looked into his eyes. I couldn't see the colors of the irises, only the shiny glint brought on by the moon's shine. I brought my face to his and placed a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"No, I don't." He was breathing hard. "Not from you."

"Alright, then." I backed away from him and started walking back to the light of the party.

"Wait! Where are you going?" He called after me.

"I'm leaving you alone."

"No, please Edward. I'm sorry. Come back."

I gave in and walked back to him, keeping a distance.

"I'm sick of this shit, Jake. I know why you've been acting the way you have. Stop playing games with me. If you really don't want me, then tell me now. Tell me you're not attracted to me and I'll leave you alone."

An eternity seemed to pass as we stood there in silence.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

"Because I don't want to lie to you."

I couldn't hold myself back. I pushed him against the truck, pressing by body against his. I could feel every inch of him against me. I took his face into my hands and kissed him hard. His lips were rough and masculine, hungry and tasting of cheap wine. He parted his lips and I took advantage of the moment. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, feeling his own reach out to touch mine. One of his hands was lost in my hair, the other at the small of my back pulling me closer.

I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and heard him moan.

"Tell me you don't want this." My voice broke, a tear threatening to fall. "Tell me you don't want me, Jake, and I'll go. I promise I won't hurt you. I'll leave you alone if it keeps you safe."

"You're so fucking stupid, Edward."

He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pushed me down onto the ground, forcing my back into the dirt of the road.

"How can you be so fucking stupid?" He asked as he kissed me angrily. His cheeks were moist and his tears fell to my skin. "I've never wanted anything more in my life. I want you so bad I can't fucking stand it. I can't do this anymore. I need you."

_Oh sweet melody,  
Sing to me softly.  
Play your rhythms in my ear.  
Tell me everything I want to hear.  
Kiss my lips  
Touch my heart.  
Play for me  
The very best part._


	11. Stars Fall Down

**Author's Note:  
**Ugh, thank you guys for not flipping out over me not reviewing last night. Unfortunately, you may have to become patient with me this coming week. I start my first day of college tomorrow (wish me luck!) and I'm not sure how long it will take me to adjust. So I apologize in advance if I just need a couple of days of doing nothing.  
The party last night was really nice. I don't know if you could call it a "party" because whenever my friend has these sort of things, they're more like get togethers. She's the one that I went to the bonfire party with. The one that the previous chapter's bonfire party was based on.  
Anyways! Thanks to jacob-bella4073, Arabella16, asianpervert, SophiaBushFan, Jennipher, Lost in the wings of angels, merethebear, OECD, Marissalove123, Emotionsonhold, shiroyuki004, and dazedx3 for the reviews. I'm sorry that I didn't get to reply to all of them.  
Also thanks to those that have recently added me and/or the story to your favorites and alerts lists. I am very greatful.  
Oh, and this was brought to my attention. For those that are unaware, the bar in the middle of my chapters signifies a change in point of view. Jacob's POV is above the line and Edward's is below.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Eleven  
Stars Fall Down**

It was Saturday night and I had nothing to do. Well, I could have something to do and all it would take was a phone call. Edward's parents were going out for a date tonight and he was left in charge. Emmett was going over to Rosalie's house and Alice was planning on sitting around and watching television. Edward was going to read.

I contemplated doing nothing. It would be nice to sit at home with no interruptions, bored. But I could also sit at Edward's house and do nothing with no interruptions, not bored.

A grin spread across my face as the memory of last night's events came flooding back to me. Edward and I hadn't done anything, of course not. We weren't even a 'real couple' yet. We had just openly expressed our feelings for one another. Now everything was out in the open. He knew I wanted him. I knew he wanted me.

After our little kissing rendezvous, we decided to leave the party. We didn't think it would be a good idea to return to the crowd of people in the mess we were in. We were covered in dirt, our hair, even after trying to tame it, was in a mad disarray, and we were both equally turned on to the point of embarrassment.

So we left. Neither of us was expected home for at least a couple more hours, so we found a secluded spot, parked the car, and decided to have a conversation about what this new found knowledge meant to our relationship. Were we still friends? Lovers? We came to the conclusion that we could no longer be friends with this sort of problem always looming in the back of our minds.

But that also brought up another sort of conflict. What did this mean for mine and Bella's relationship? Although I couldn't take my mind off of Edward for long, or keep my hands off of him for that matter, Bella was still my girlfriend. I was still in a relationship. It seemed that I had three options. I could break up with Bella, keep mine and Edward's little thing a secret, or drop him. I didn't like any of those options. Neither granted me satisfaction, and I didn't want to hurt the people that I cared about.

So the only way to have what I wanted as well as keep everyone else safe and happy was to keep Bella in the dark. I had never liked the idea of cheating before Edward. I still didn't like it. But what could I do? I didn't want to hurt her. I still cared for her in an odd way. I still loved her. The only thing I could do was deceive her and pray that she wouldn't find out. Or even better, she would find a reason to end it and I would be off the hook. Horrible thought, I know. But I couldn't help but be selfish in this situation. If I didn't have what I wanted, I would lose everything. Everything.

So I called Edward and asked him if it was okay if I came over. Of course, he obliged.

The thought of this crazy love triangle never left my head the entire drive to the Cullen house. I was a bad person and I had a notion that I was only digging myself deeper into a hole that I wouldn't be able to climb out of. Eventually this would all turn sour. But I couldn't stay away from him.

As soon as he opened the door, he pulled me into his arms. I felt safe, happy, and in that moment, all my troubles seemed to disappear. He was my happy place. My refuge in a world that was hell bent on damning me. My paradise.

My head began to spin. All of this was happening so fast and I wasn't sure if I would be able to hold on. But I'd sure as hell try. I refused to let this god standing before me go. Every moment I was with him my feelings grew stronger. I didn't know if he was my future or just a thing to hold on to for now, but either way, he was here and I wanted him.

"Hey, Jake. I see you've finally come to your senses."

"Hello, Alice." I grumbled. We were going to have a strange relationship.

Edward took my hand and led me up the marble staircase. I'd give anything for a house like this. Okay, maybe not anything. When we entered his room, he showed me around properly. I hadn't really been alert the last time I was in here. I suddenly became embarrassed and he started laughing as he noticed the look on my face. This was the scene of the crime.

"Alice mentioned something yesterday and I'd like to ask you about it."

"Oh man, what is it now?"

"Well, she said something about you two having more interactions than I am aware of. Care to elaborate?"

I remembered the conversation we'd had not too long ago. It seemed like a lifetime.

"Alice kind of gave me a mental slap to the face. A wake-up call. She demanded a meeting with me and basically told me how it was. She made me see that I was treating you wrong. That while I was dealing with my own doubts and fears, I was hurting you in the process. That's why I suddenly became so nice to you."

"As much as I don't like her meddling, I'll have to thank her for that. 'Cause if she hadn't had that little talk with you, I'm not so sure that you'd be here now."

"Probably not."

He smiled and pulled me to him. I felt his lips on mine and I sighed in contentment. I loved his lips. So masculine and hungry, wanting me. I parted my mouth and let his tongue slide in. While we kissed, the world seemed to crash around us. Nothing else mattered but the feel of his flesh connecting with my own. I wrapped my arms around him and became lost in all that is Edward Cullen.

He pulled back with a smile on his face. I couldn't help but grin in return. I was so happy. So free. I felt like I could finally be me with no limitations. I could feel every bone in my body like I was suddenly alive. Everything was finally put into focus. I was seeing everything now, when before I had been blind. This was where I was supposed to be.

* * *

I pulled him back onto the bed, not really thinking. I just wanted to feel him, all of him. I wanted to be with him and know that he'd be there. My mind was in a haze and I didn't want to let him go in fear. I didn't want to let him out of my arms, just to wake up and realize that it had all been a dream. Jacob Black, the boy that I had never been able to get my mind off of, was here, in my room, feeling for me the same as I felt for him. We were finally on the same wavelength, the same path.

We lay back, arms wrapped around each other. I kissed him hard, not wanting the connection to end. I was hungry for him. I turned over, resting my body on top of his. I couldn't even begin to explain the way he felt beneath me. I could feel every inch of him. I kissed and licked at his neck, losing my breath as I felt his fingers beneath the fabric of my shirt. His hands ran up my back and I shuddered.

He pushed me down onto him, pulling me closer, if that was at all possible. I felt his erection stabbing my own and I rubbed them together, grinding against his body. He moaned and I attacked his lips once again. They were swollen with passion and eager for more. He pulled my shirt over my head and threw it to the floor. His fingers found the button to my jeans and pulled it open. After he freed me from the zipper, the palm of his hand rubbed at my cock through the cotton of my boxers. I groaned loudly and nearly came at the thought of him touching me.

"Woah."

Jacob's hand fell back to his side and my head whipped around in an angry fury. Standing in the doorway to my bedroom was my sister.

"Get the fuck out, Alice!" I screamed.

"You guys should like, video tape that and sell it."

"I said get out!" I grabbed a pillow and launched it at her head. She ducked, and it flew out into the hallway. She started laughing.

I jumped up from my place on the bed, thankful that my pants were not loose and ran towards her. She started screaming and ran. I slammed the door extremely pissed off.

I turned back to the beautiful boy. He was sitting up, pulling himself together. His face was flushed and his lips were a vibrant red. I knew that this would not continue, so I buttoned and zipped my jeans, a bit disappointed. I didn't care that we wouldn't be having sex tonight, but my body ached in frustration at being interrupted.

"I'm sorry about that, Jacob. She obviously doesn't understand the meaning of privacy. I'll remember that the next time Jasper comes over."

"Don't apologize. I'm glad she came in. Otherwise I think we would have ended up doing something that I am desperately not ready for."

He looked at me, an apology filled his eyes.

"Don't. I'm not going to make you do anything you're not ready for. I'm not like that Jake. Plus, it's only the second day that we've even been like this. I agree that it's too soon."

"So you're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know." He sounded so pitiful, like he was about to cry. "I just…you're not disappointed?"

"Well of course I'm disappointed. I mean, hell. You're extremely good at turning me on. But I'm not mad. I'm harder than I've ever been in my life, but in a way, I'm glad that we didn't go any further too. I don't want to rush this."

He smiled and placed a soft kiss to my lips.

"If you're not ready, that's okay. I understand. When the time does come eventually, I'm sure it will be an amazing and wonderful thing. But I am more than willing to wait for you."

The night passed by in a flurry of sweet and innocent kisses. The touches that we shared were soft and lingering. The passion of the hours before didn't arise in the same way and yet there was no tension hanging in the air. Only whispers and softness.

As the light grew dark, we sat on the balcony beneath the stars. I kissed his lips as he looked up in wonder at the full moon. He shivered as a chilled breeze flew between us and I retrieved the blanket from my bed and wrapped it around us.

This was all I needed. I meant it when I told him that I would wait.

A couple of hours later, my parents returned home. I gave him one last passionate kiss as he walked out of my room. I could hear his car rumble to a start and I sighed as he pulled out and began his journey back home. I didn't want him to leave.

_I feel your touch,  
I feel your kiss.  
Your lips are warm,  
I need you like this.  
Arms wrap around me,  
Hold me close.  
Stars fall down,  
Won't let you go._


	12. Goodnight, Love

**Author's Note:  
**As you can probably already tell, I will no longer be able to update everynight. I have massive amounts of school work to do. (First day of school went great by the way, as did the second). I have classes every day on campus as well as an online class. So school takes up a hell of a lot of my time. I predict that there will probably be 1-2 updates a week, if I can make it happen. I have no idea what days they will be put up, or even what time. So just keep checking your inboxes.  
You guys should feel loved though, because I actually put aside my homework (due tomorrow) to write this chapter. So, chapters may not come as quickly as we would all like, but I'm telling you right now. I PROMISE that I will not give up on this story. No matter how much time it takes for me to get chapters up, you WILL get and update. I refuse to not finish this story.  
Anyways...thanks to those that recently added me/the story to your alert/favorites lists. Very much appreciated. And also thanks to those that reviewed on the chapter ten; OECD, Marissalove123, Emotionsonhold, asianpervert, dazedx3, Arabella16, SophiaBushFan, Jennipher, jacob-bella4073, and the one that reviewed under 'anonymous'.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Twelve  
Goodnight, Love**

After I woke up, I did the normal routine. Growled at my sleepiness, took a quick pee, thought about taking a shower, then brushed my teeth. After making sure I was decent, I started into the kitchen to get something to eat.

And I was shocked. Sue Clearwater was there, along with her two kids. She was piling breakfast on the table while Leah sat reading a magazine and Seth lazed around the television set. Dad was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Dad?"

"Oh hey, Jake! Billy went to the hospital. They're letting Rachel come home."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He went to get her. Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

Sue called her kids into the kitchen and we sat down at the table. After saying grace, something my father and I never do, we dug in. I tore up three homemade biscuits on my plate and smothered them in gravy. Then I dished out a two big spoon fulls of scrambled eggs and added four pieces of sausage to the arrangement. It was a good thing she had made enough to feed all of North America. I ate quickly, savoring the taste.

After Mom had died, Sue had come over almost every day to cook for us. She was such a great cook. I absolutely loved her food. I guess after a while she decided that we weren't as helpless as we seemed, so she stopped coming. She did have kids of her own to feed, after all.

"When did Dad leave?"

"Just before you got up. He shouldn't be too long now."

As I was finishing my breakfast, I got an idea. Edward should meet Rachel. She was the one that said she didn't want to see my face again until he and I were a couple. Of course, no one else in the house needed to know, but she already had the insider information.

I excused myself from the table and went into to room to grab my cell phone. I sat down on the bed and dialed the number of the person I cared so much about.

He seemed a little shocked that I had asked him to come over and meet my sister, but he agreed and told me that he would be over as soon as he could. He had a few chores to do first.

"My sister wants to talk to you for a minute." He said.

"Alright."

The phone seemed to be shuffled around for a bit before I finally heard Alice's high-pitched voice.

"Hey, Jacob."

"Gosh, don't sound so enthused."

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Apology accepted."

"It was really hot though." She said quickly.

I heard Edward yell her name and then an 'ouch' from her. A loud clatter erupted from the phone as I assumed that it had fallen to the floor. It was clearly obvious from the background noise that they had started to wrestle. I laughed quietly.

"Sorry about her. She can be such a brat sometimes." Came the sweet sound of his voice, breathless.

"What did you do to her?"

"I hit her on the back of the head."

We started laughing. I loved his laugh.

A knock came on my bedroom door and Sue peeked her head inside.

"They're here." She smiled.

I nodded in her direction and told Edward that I had to go. He promised to try and hurry.

I walked back into the main room to the sight of my dad helping Rachel to the kitchen table. She had crutches to help with her broken leg, but since her arm and some of her fingers were broken, it made using them slightly difficult. She seemed to be doing fine though, just a little aggravated at having everyone fuss over her. Rachel was a lone spirit. She liked to do things for herself. She hated feeling dependent on someone.

"Hey, Sis."

"Hey, Jake." She said, taking a bite out a piece of sausage. She eyed me curiously.

"My friend Edward is coming over, I hope you guys don't mind. I wanted him to meet Rachel."

She smiled in understanding and everyone else just nodded their heads.

We sat around for a while not really doing anything. Rachel caught us up on her college life and we learned that there was new boy she was seeing. His name was Kaleb and according to her he is the sweetest guy in the world.

It was strange to actually want to hear about another boy. Odd that I was actually interested in what he looked like and what his personality was like. Being attracted to other men was going to take some getting used to.

Leah made some sweet tea, filled some glasses and started handing them around. I took a sip as my phone started going off.

"Jake, I need directions to your house."

I laughed lightly at our stupidity and gave him the directions.

He'd be here in a few minutes.

I felt my excitement boil up in me.

* * *

When I got to his house, I noticed that there were two other cars in the driveway besides his own. I figured one must be his fathers, but I couldn't help but get nervous at the thought of him having company. I was already a scared to death because I was meeting his dad and sister. I parked my car in the small driveway, checked my appearance in the rearview mirror, then took a deep breath and got out.

I reached the door and stood there for a moment just listening. There was a lot of talking inside and there seemed to be at least five people in the small house.

"You planning on coming in? Or are you just going to stand in front of the door forever?"

I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Jacob has scared the living shit out of me. He laughed at my reaction, his head poking out of the open window.

"I was thinking about it."

He smiled and ducked his head back inside. A moment later the door opened and he stood before me looking amazing as usual.

He pulled me into the crowded living room. It was connected to a kitchen and looked like it needed some fixing up. I loved it. It felt like a real home. Warm and inviting.

"Guys, this is my friend Edward. His family moved here a few weeks back."

"Ah, it's nice to finally meet you." His father said, taking my hand and giving it a hard shake.

"Would you like something to eat?"

"No thank you, I had something before I left." I smiled at the older woman.

"That's Sue. And she makes the best food in the country."

I just smiled again, not really knowing what to do. I wasn't the best at meeting new people. I seemed to get slightly shy and embarrassed. I didn't say much.

"So this is the lovely Edward." Said the girl covered in plaster. Obviously this was his sister, Rachel. "You sure give my boyfriend a run for his money."

I saw Jacob give her an ugly glare that only the three of us noticed. Did she know?

"You're quite handsome if I must say."

"Yeah, but he's taken. So stop ogling him." I looked over at Jake. He wasn't being very secretive. His sister just grinned.

"Who are you dating, Edward?"

The girl that had asked the question looked to be about sixteen. She was very pretty and had womanly curves that shouldn't be on a girl so young. If I was straight, I would have immediately become attracted.

Everyone got silent to hear my answer and I became very nervous.

"A girl from where I used to live. Her name is Sophie." I choked.

"Ah, a long distance relationship? Those are hard."

I looked at Rachel. She definitely knew. And she was just making it harder on me.

"Yeah, it's not easy, but we're making it work."

Hours passed with me sitting around with Jacob and his family. I listened to their conversations, only speaking when I was spoken to. Billy, Jake's father, was curious about what had brought us here, so I told him of my dad's job, which led to him going into some long story that I couldn't keep up with.

The Clearwater group finally decided that they should head home and Jacob told his dad that he was going to show me his motorcycle. I saw a smile on his sister's face.

He led me outside and I was surprised at how dark it had gotten. I hadn't thought that I had been at his house that long. When he closed the door, I felt his hand reach out and take hold of my own. I loved having contact with him. It was so hard being with him in front of a lot of people. I couldn't be his boyfriend then. Just a friend. I started to see how this could later become a potential problem. I knew the reasons why our relationship needed to remain a secret but I couldn't help but feel a little bolstered at the idea that I couldn't let the world know he was mine. That I'd have to hide even the most innocent of touches.

He pulled me into a building made out of tin. I barely saw a light switch on one of the walls and started to flip it up, but his fingers wrapped around my wrist.

I stumbled backwards over things only found in a garage, until my back connected with the cold and textured tin siding. He pushed himself up against me in the darkness and I could feel his breath on my face. His hands reached up and cupped my face and I soon felt moisture on my lips. I melted into his kiss and wrapped my arms around him. I needed this. Meeting his family was fun, but nothing made me happier about this day than the two of us embraced together in the dark of a garage that smelled of oil.

I pulled back unwilling and willed my eyes to see through the pitch black. I wanted to his face.

"It's getting really late."

"Yeah, it is."

"I should probably get home. I told Mom that I wouldn't stay out late." I could hear the disappointment in my voice.

"You could always spend the night."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Dad won't mind. As far as he knows, you're just a friend. So it won't be a problem."

"Alright, then. Can I use your cell phone?"

He removed his hands from around my waist and a moment later the small thing was place in my hands. I dialed my number and waited for someone to answer. After my mother picked up the phone, I told her of my plans and she had no problem with me staying overnight. Of course, she didn't know Jacob and I were together either.

He placed a few more kisses on my lips and then we headed back inside. Most of the lights were already out. Billy was hobbling around the living room turning off the television and a nearby lamp.

"Hey Dad? Since it's already so late, Edward's just going to stay over."

He muttered an 'alright' and announced that he was going to bed.

I followed my boyfriend to his room. It was really small and messy. There were clothes everywhere and school books piled on the floor. He started rummaging around in his dresser, then pulled out a pair of red plaid pajama pants and handed them to me. I was glad he thought ahead, but I hadn't even given one thought as to what I would be sleeping in.

I took the pants from him and then stood there awkwardly.

"You can change in the bathroom if you want." He eyed me. The statement was more like a challenge.

I hid the smile that was fighting to take control over my lips and pulled my shirt over my head. I threw it to the floor. I kicked my shoes off and unzipped my pants. I pulled the button loose and let them fall. I could feel his gaze. He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was staring. I hesitated for moment when I reached up for my boxers, then decided what the hell, and pulled them down too. I usually slept in my favorite silky boxers, but whenever I had to wear pajama pants, the underwear came off. I couldn't stand all the fabric while trying to fall asleep. It annoyed me.

I kicked them from around my feet and I heard him stifle a moan as the blood filled my lower organ at the thought of being naked in front of him. I did let my smile through then. I pulled the pants up and tied the drawstring. I suddenly had to pee.

"The bathroom is the next door down, right?" I ignored his erection.

"Y-yeah." He stammered.

I laughed as I opened his bedroom door and walked out into the dark hallway. I felt along the wall, finally finding the doorknob and went inside. After I relieved myself, I washed my hands and turned off the light.

"Edward?" I heard a small whisper coming from the room across the hall. I could see that the door was open.

"Yeah?"

"Come here for a second."

I walked, suddenly nervous, into the bedroom of Jacob's sister. I stopped when my knee hit the side of her bed.

"You can't really tell right now, but when I look out my window, I can see right out to the garage." I swallowed hard. "The light never came on."

"Um…" I didn't know what to say.

She laughed.

"Just be good to him, okay? Don't hurt him."

"I'd never intentionally do anything to cause him pain."

"Good. Because I can promise you that I can do things that intentionally cause pain. And I will."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't laugh at me!" She said, a slight giggle erupting from the darkness. "I may be covered in plaster, but I can assure you that with one wop up aside the head with my arm and you'll be in pain."

"I promise you that I won't hurt him. I care about his happiness than I do my own." I whispered.

"I can tell." She patted my leg with her free arm. "Now go back to my brother. I'm sure he's waiting on you."

I turned and started walking out.

"Oh, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't keep me awake tonight. These walls aren't sound proof and I really need my beauty sleep."

I laughed and made my way back to Jacob, thinking about how much I already like Rachel.

When I opened the door, I was disappointed to see that he had already changed into his sleeping clothes. Like me, he wore only a pair of pants.

"What took you so long?"

"I was busy receiving death threats from a girl with only one proper leg and arm."

He smiled and I could tell in that moment how much he cared for his sister. He wore his love of his family openly, whether he noticed it or not.

He set the alarm clock next to his bed and walked over towards the light switch. I slipped into his bed, scooting over towards the wall. I could smell the scent of him on his pillows. After the light was turned off, I felt a new weight on the mattress and his feet touched mine. His body formed itself around me and his arms slipped around my waist. The touch felt so simple, so practiced. Like we had been sleeping in the same bed for years. I smiled at the feel of him against me and began losing the battle with my drowsiness. I heard only one thing before my eyelids fluttered closed and I was lost in dreams of us together.

"Goodnight, Love."

_Everything is right.  
Wrapped in your arms.  
Holding me tight.  
Lost in you.  
Growing fond of you.  
Loving the way you hold me.  
Etched in my mind,  
A moment in time.  
The words you said when you told me.  
Goodnight, Love._


	13. Black Mask

**Author's Note:  
**Here is your new chapter. :D  
Thanks to the reviewers; Arabella16, merethebear, Jennipher, IcePrincess87, Emotionsonhold, chaosRUBEDO, SophiaBushFan, Marissalove123, asianpervert, and shiroyuki004. Also a thanks to thos that have recently me and/or the story to your alerts/favorites list. It is very much appreciated.  
I'd like to apologize for any mistakes that may appear in this chapter as well as future ones. I usually go over my chapters a buttload and try to catch all the mistakes (although there's always a few that seem to slip through), but with everything going on right now, I really don't have as much time to do that as I would like. So if you notice a mistake, I beg you please just overlook it.  
Also, the costume that Edward wears in this chapter is based upon the outfit that Robert Pattinson wore to the London premiere of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. (Only Edward's are a lot tighter hehe.) If you haven't seen pictures of this and you want visual reference, I urge to search for some images.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Thirteen  
Black Mask**

The final bell rang and I quickly went to my locker and stuffed my books inside. I ignored the flyer that someone had placed on the metal door. It was advertising the town's 25th annual masquerade ball. To everyone else, I acted like I didn't give a crap about the thing, but inside I was probably more excited than they were. Every year I looked forward to the ball. It was really fun and I loved the movies they played afterward.

I found Bella by her locker and together we walked out to the student parking lot. I hugged my hoodie closer to my body as the cool air whipped around me. The different colored leaves swept every which way on the ground. It was the night before Halloween and autumn had definitely taken over.

Edward and I had been secretly dating for a little over a month now. Surprisingly, as the time went by, lying had become easier and I no longer felt as guilty about deceiving Bella. The only thing that hurt me was the fact that I felt bad because I didn't feel bad. I knew that I shouldn't like going behind her back and being with Edward, but he made me so happy and as each day passed, I started noticing different things about her that made me wonder why I liked her in the first place. The way she corrected everyone when they said something wrong, or the way she wouldn't say 'excuse me' after she burped. The way she tried to tell everyone else how to live their lives. So sudden she had seemed so rude to me. How had I never noticed these things before? Edward's politeness and charm made him seem like a saint compared to her.

Also, she longer got to me on a physical level. She was a beautiful girl, no doubt about that, but she was, indeed, a girl. All the other females I knew were no longer attractive in my eyes. I didn't like the way their bodies curved or how soft and fragile they were. If I'd had any thoughts about bisexuality, they were completely thrown out the door. I wanted muscles and a flat chest. I wanted short hair and strength. I hated frilliness and started loving masculinity. I was completely one hundred percent into men.

I had slept with her only once since Edward and I had gotten together. I didn't want to, but I felt bad for denying her. It didn't last long and I stopped after she came. I didn't have an orgasm but when she asked what was wrong, I just told her that I was really stressed out over my school work. I figured it wouldn't be good that the entire time I was with her I couldn't take my mind off of Edward and how I only wanted to be with him in that sort of way.

Which I hadn't yet. I still wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of having sex with a man. I wasn't disgusted by the thought; it was actually completely the opposite. The images that danced around in my head turned my on to a very high degree. Truthfully, I was scared. Having a thing that large shoved up into me was horrifying. I was afraid of the pain it would cause. I'm positive that Edward wouldn't mind being on bottom, but I felt that if I wasn't willing to give myself to him, then he shouldn't 

have to make that sacrifice for me. Plus, it would have to happen sometime. Edward and I couldn't do it that way forever.

Bella got into my car and I walked over to Edward's. He was starting the ignition but rolled down his window when he saw me coming.

"Hey, Jake." He said, a smile playing on his lips.

How I wanted to kiss them.

"Hey." I replied. "Are you going to the Masquerade Ball tonight?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't miss it. It seems like a lot of fun. Plus, I think Alice," he nodded towards his sister, "would kill me if I didn't go. It's all she's been talking about."

I laughed as Alice smiled.

"Are you bringing anyone?"

"Yeah, I asked Angela if she would come with me as a friend. She's going to be Marie Antoinette."

"Oh, that sounds good." I squatted down so that I was eye level with him and whispered in his ear. "Make sure you wear something sexy for me."

"I heard that, Jacob. And you're disgusting." Emmett boomed from the back seat.

Edward laughed but I could see the seduction already running through his eyes as he looked at me.

"I've already got my leather pants laid out." He whispered.

I smiled and told him that I would see him there. I went back to my car and told Bella that they were coming. Edward pulled out of the parking lot and I followed suit right behind him. Emmett flipped us off from the back seat and I honked the horn. I could see everyone in the car laughing and Bella made a comment about how stupid and immature Emmett was. I thought he was funny.

I stopped on the side of the road in front of Bella's house. She leaned over the console and pressed her lips to mine. She immediately attempted to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back. A pained expression filled her face, but she quickly hid it.

"If you want me to be ready by the time this thing starts, you can't get me all hot and bothered. Otherwise I might not leave at all." I lied. She smiled.

"Okay. Dad's home anyways. Pick me up at seven thirty. I want to get there at least a few minutes early."

I nodded in agreement and watched her walk up the driveway to her house. When she went inside, I pulled out and made the drive back to my own home.

The party didn't start until eight o'clock, so I still had a few hours before I needed to do anything. I dumped my backpack on my bedroom floor and kicked off my shoes. I lay back on my bed and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, dialing Edward's number. I was happy when he answered.

"So, what's this I hear about leather pants?"

"You'll see tonight." He laughed.

"That's sad, because I'd really like to see them now…and touch them…and…"

"Why, my beautiful Jacob, are you in a naughty mood?"

"Maybe."

"Well, someone should really take care of that."

"Only if that someone is you."

Our conversation turned to how Edward would take care of my situation if he was here, and I ended with my hand in my pants, kneading my erection.

"Jacob?" Rachel called from the living room.

I sighed and zipped my pants up.

"Our sisters have a hell of a lot in common." I told him.

He laughed.

"I'll see you tonight."

He said goodbye and I hung up the phone. Making sure my pants were properly buttoned and zipped, I made my way to the living room. Rachel was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"What?"

"Hostile much? I just wanted to see what you were going as tonight."

"Sorry, I was on the phone with Edward. And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be…"

"I apologize for interrupting your phone call, then. What's Bella going as?"

"Marilyn Monroe."

"That's sexy."

"Yeah…where's Dad?"

"He went to Sue's. Been going over there a lot lately."

"Yeah, he has."

My dad really had been spending a lot of time at Sue's house. I wasn't interested in knowing the reason why.

I passed through the next couple of hours by eating some decent food and watching some stupid show with my sister. At seven o'clock I jumped into the shower and when I was finished cleaning up, I headed to my room to put on my makeshift costume. I really wasn't sure what I was supposed to be. Bella had just told me to wear a suit and tie.

So I put on the stupid outfit and pulled my black Zorro-like mask over my eyes. That was one cool thing about these parties. The people in this town took the fact that it was a masquerade ball seriously. If you showed up without a masked on, you ended up looking stupid and having people stare at you the entire night. I was sure that every Halloween and convenient store within a two-hundred mile radius was sold out of masks.

I drove back to Bella's house and she really did look amazing. She had decked herself in a white dress that closely resembled the one made famous by Marilyn Monroe. She wore a blonde wig and white lacy mask covering her eyes. She had even drawn a beauty mark on her face. She was always good at dressing up.

The Masquerade Ball was being held, as always, at the town's community center. Inside the building was a stage and big dance floor. Of course, dances and parties were not the only things that the building was used for, but it was a nice place for such activities.

I parked the car and we walked inside. There was already a huge crowd of people enjoying themselves. A stereo system was hooked up and playing some loud and strange song. The live band would come out around eight fifteen and start playing. It was always the same local band every year. They did a really good job though, and were actually becoming really well known. They went on tours and had music videos and everything. The people in the town absolutely worshiped them.

Bella sat down a table covered with black cloth and I made my way to the refreshments table to get us some punch. The community center was decorated to the extreme. There were black and orange balloons everywhere, paper on the walls, a fog machine, cardboard cut outs of monsters and creatures of myth, as well ribbon and lace and various other types of decoration. The overhead lights were turned off and a vast array of colors danced across the room serving as the only lighting.

My eyes searched the room for my boyfriend. I couldn't spot him anywhere. Maybe he just hadn't shown up yet. I turned back to the punch bowl and filled two cups, then glanced over the table trying to decide on whether or not I wanted a snack.

"You going to me a glass of punch Mr. FBI man?"

I didn't even have to turn around to know who was standing behind me. I would recognize his beautiful, seductive voice anywhere. I smiled.

"Only if it's really punch that you want."

"Now you know I want more than that, but considering we're in a room with a large group of people, I'll settle on the drink. What do you think I am? An exhibitionist?"

I laughed and turned around to meet his gaze. I lost my breath and nearly choked on the liquid I had just taken into my mouth. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Sexy.

He was wearing black leather pants that hugged the lower half of his body tightly, a loose white shirt, and crimson colored velvet jacket. He had a black velvet mask over his eyes. I wanted to jump him right there and I didn't care how many people would see.

He smirked when a little of my drink came out of my mouth.

"Shut up. What are you supposed to be?"

"I am the sexy vampire Lestat de Lioncourt, of course." I had no idea who he was talking about. "What are you?"

"Um…I don't really know."

"You look like an FBI agent."

"Well, since you're going for the whole bloodsucker thing, I guess I'll be an FBI agent who is secretly a lycanthrope."

"Ah, you're into werewolves." He leaned close to my ear and whispered. "You could always be my Tarquin Blackwood."

"I have no idea who you're talking about."

"You've never heard of The Vampire Chronicles?"

"No."

"Wow, Jacob. You need to read more."

I poked his arm and told him not to lecture me. He laughed and got himself a drink.

"Where's Angela?"

"She's with Bella. We're sitting at your table."

I nodded my head in approval, grabbed a white macadamia nut cookie for myself, and somehow balanced the drinks in my hands without spilling them. Edward and I bustled through the crowd of people until we reached the table.

A few minutes later, after the building was filled with almost every person in town, the band came out. They were all in costume as well and did an amazing job. It was like an actual concert was going on. People were enjoying themselves immensely.

The party passed on in a blur of excitement and fun. We danced and ate. We drank punch like there was no tomorrow and made quite a few pit stops to the bathroom.

A couple of hours had passed and after taking a break, the band came back out and started playing a ballad.

"Dance with me, Jake." Bella said.

I agreed and we got up and walked to the dance floor. Angela and Edward followed closely behind.

As I wrapped Bella put her arms around my neck, I wrapped my own around her waist and caught myself staring at Edward, wishing it was his body my hands were on. He just looked so damn sexy in those leather pants.

Bella caught my attention when she pressed her lips to mine. I reluctantly gave in to the kiss, not wanting to anger her, but I kept my eyes open and looked up at Edward. He was watching us with a sad expression on his face. I pulled back and told her it was for the sake of the people around us.

We danced together for the next few songs, my eyes still connecting with my boyfriends, and by the time the last song ended, I was parched. I went for the refreshments table again and filled another glass with the punch. I downed it in one gulp, grabbed another, then did the same.

"Slow down a little there. Don't want you to become a punchaholic."

"Want some?"

I filled the glass again and handed it to him. He made sure to place his lips on the exact spot where mine had been a second earlier. I watched him take a sip of the drink.

"Follow me."

I walked out of the crowded room and headed down one of the hallways searching for a secluded spot. I saw the door to the building's kitchen and opened it. There was already a couple leaning up against the counter groping each other. Between their kisses they didn't hear us come in. I put on my best 'I'm about to throw up face' and got their attention by loudly pulling the trashcan in front of me.

"You guys might want to get out. I'm gonna be sick."

"What? Go to the fucking bathroom, then. This room is occupied."

"Can't. Too crowded." I made a fake gagging sound.

"You guys might want to take his advice." Edward said. "He's eaten a lot tonight."

The girl's face contorted into a look of disgust and she pulled her boyfriend from the room quickly. When the door shut behind them, I straightened up and put the trashcan back in its place, then turned the lock.

"Slick move. For a second there, I actually thought you were going to be sick."

"What can I say? I'm an amazing actor." I grabbed the belt loops on his pants and pulled him to me.

"You think you are." He said, smiling.

He dipped his head down and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back in passion. This was the kiss that I wanted. This was the kiss I had been waiting the entire night for. My days were incomplete without it.

* * *

"Thank you guys for coming out to our 25th annual Masquerade Ball." The mayor announced. "We hope every one of you have had an amazing time. For those that do not know, at one o'clock tonight, a movie will be playing in the gymnasium of the high school. Refreshments will be served. We hope to see you guys out there."

The short and balding man left the stage. The party was over and the lights were turned back on. It was midnight.

"What's the deal with the movie?" I asked Jacob.

"After the party, they show an old horror movie. They've been doing it since they first started having the ball."

"Oh, are you going?"

"Yeah, I go every year. What about you?"

"I'll be there." I smiled. I really did love horror movies.

After everyone talked and wondered about which movie would be playing, Jacob agreed to meet me at the high school after he took Bella home. According to him, she never stayed to watch the movie. He believed that horror movies scared her too much.

After I told him goodbye, I rounded up the fairy that was my sister and her pirate boyfriend and we drove back to the house so that we could change into normal clothing.

I pulled on a pair of jeans and converse, then a t-shirt. After walking outside, I ran back up to my room and pulled a hoodie over my head. The autumn air was freezing!

When I arrived at the high school, I searched for Jacob's Volkswagen, finally found it, then parked. He was sitting in his car, waiting.

After Jasper and Alice walked on, I gave him a quick kiss in the dark.

"Do you know what movie they're playing?"

"Nope. It's always a secret."

We walked into the gym, grabbed a couple drinks and two pieces of pizza for each of us, then took a seat at the very top of the bleachers.

There was a projector down on the floor and after looking at it quizzically, Jacob informed me that the movie was projected up onto the wall so that everyone could see.

After sitting and doing nothing for about twenty minutes, the gymnasium was soon filled with people. The lights were turned off and the projector came to life. I was curious to see what movie would be shown.

Some creepy music started to play and soon after the title came up on the side of the wall in big red letters. Stephen King's IT.

"I think they have a thing for Stephen King. Last year they played the original version of The Shining."

"His books are good. I read a lot of them. This one included."

"Have you ever seen the movie?"

"I think I've seen it once."

I finished off my second piece of pizza as the little girl on the screen was riding around singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Jacob had devoured his minutes ago.

As the movie played, I reveled in the darkness. Of course, there was a lot of light coming off the wall, but in the spot where Jacob and I had decided to sit, we were covered in enough blackness to goof around a little. We held hands for a while, and I snuck a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Tell me when to stop." I whispered as I lay my hand on his knee.

He laughed as I started the game that many younger kids play to test out their willingness of being groped. I slowly inched my hand up his leg, but he didn't say a word. As my fingers moved closer to his private area, his breathing hitched, but he didn't take his eyes off the screen. As I touched the soft bulge in his pants, he grabbed my hand, gave it a squeeze, then place it on my own leg.

"Are you afraid?" I asked, sarcasm etched into my voice.

"No, but unless you want to be taken right here, I suggest you not do that again."

We both laughed.

When the adults were shooting the large monster thing that was Pennywise the Dancing Clown, I felt my eyelids begin to droop. I hadn't expected to become sleepy during this movie, but it had been a rather long night and it became hard for my eyes to focus. They crossed and blurred too many times and I caught myself jerking my head upright more than once. Although I knew it was obvious, Jacob acted like he didn't notice.

When the movie was over, the lights came on and I was quickly brought out of my drowsy state. Jacob and I walked back to our cars, and I pulled him into a secluded patch of darkness and have him a long kiss goodnight. His lips tasted like the soft drink he had gulped down. I loved it. After we pulled apart, we made plans for tomorrow, which was Halloween, and he got into his car and drove off. I waited for Alice and Jasper.

Alice appeared at the side of the car and got in.

"Where's Jasper? I thought I was taking him home."

"It's pretty late, so he didn't want you to have to drive him all the way to his house. One of his friends lives near him, so they're taking him."

"Good, cause I'm dead."

"Me too."

We drove home in silence and Alice seemed to be having the same problem keeping her head upright as I had earlier. When we got to the house, I went straight to my bedroom, shut off the light, and fell onto my bed. I didn't even take my shoes off.

_Black mask,  
Covering your eyes.  
I'll be yours,  
If you be mine.  
Scary movies,  
And late nights  
Fall asleep,  
I'll hold you tight._


	14. Midnight Kiss

**Author's Note:  
**Soo...here is your new chapter. :D  
Thanks to Aerliin Skylarre, Chibi-Elric-Chan, IcePrincess87, chaosRUBEDO, Jennipher, AnnaFrancesca, Marissalove123, Ginaaaa, asianpervert, TheatreTechy13, Twilight lover72396, rena otsuda, shiroyuki004, Arabella16, Arrioko12, dreamgirl93, and maxandkef for their amazing reviews!  
Also a thanks to those that have added me/the story to your alerts/favorites list. Very much appreciated. :D  
Also, I'm giving you a chance to get to know the girl behind the story. :D If you would like to be my friend on Myspace, send me your username, the part that comes after myspace. com, in a message and I'll add you. hehe.

LadyJezebel

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Fourteen  
Midnight Kiss**

"This is so boring." Alice complained.

We had all been sitting in the living room for hours watching horror movies. It was Halloween night and we had nothing better to do but watch film after film and chow down on a bowl after bowl of popcorn. The four of us, Alice, Jasper, Edward, and me, agreed that we were too old to go trick-or-treating, but we didn't want to succumb to handing out candy. I learned rather quickly that that was Carlisle and Esme's job. They dressed up in pretty horrific costumes and sat out on the porch waiting for a multitude of children to greet so that they could fill them with cavities and sweetness.

I didn't mind watching movies, but after you see about a hundred flesh-eating zombies, two blood drinking vampires, one son of Satan, and a little girl that can start fires with her mind… it gets a bit tiring. Literally. It was only eight thirty and I was already growing restless.

Emmett and Rosalie had retreated to his bedroom about two hours ago. I was surprised that his parents didn't notice that they had been up there alone, with his door closed, for hours. But they were too preoccupied with the big cauldron full of candy at their feet to really notice anything.

I was positive that the couple was upstairs doing things that we didn't want to see. They had sex quite a lot and weren't very shy about it. Edward and Alice liked to pretend that they were doing something else. They acted like they had no clue about what was happening in the room directly above our heads. Every now and then we would hear a loud thump that I assumed to be the head board hitting the wall, but Edward would just turn the volume up on the television. I was sure that they were trying their best to ignore the rendezvous of their brother.

Jasper didn't seem too observant either. But it _was_ his twin that happened to be upstairs.

Alice sighed.

"Isn't there anything to do tonight? No houses we could toilet paper? No creepy cemeteries that we could goof off in?"

"Since when have you become a vandal?" Edward laughed.

"I'm not, really. I'm just bored. I'm sick of watching movies. I want to do something."

"There is an old cemetery up on Wingman's Ridge." Jasper said. "You know the one I'm talking about, don't you Jacob?"

"Yeah, but I've never been there."

"I have once. But that was a long time ago. A dare."

"Why was it a dare?" Alice asked, suddenly at attention.

"The Widow's Cemetery is supposed to be haunted. A lot of people say that that is where the witches and murderers were buried a long time ago." I informed her.

"Is it true?"

"No one knows for sure. We don't really talk about it that much. Nobody goes up there, though."

Alice grinned. "I'll be right back."

She jumped up and ran off to the kitchen. A few minutes later, the refrigerator opened and then the microwave was turned on. Weird little girl, she was.

"Come here." Edward said, pulling me to his chest. He gave me a slow, lingering kiss.

"Get a room." Jasper groaned.

Jasper was the only person in our group of friends besides Alice and Emmett that knew Edward and I were together. He had never liked Bella, so he didn't take offense at the fact that we were deceiving her. We were also lucky that he didn't have anything against gays and lesbians. Rosalie, however, was a good friend to Bella. So she was left in the dark about our relationship.

"You guys know how to get to the cemetery?" Alice asked from the kitchen.

"I do." Her boyfriend called back.

She came back out of the kitchen empty handed. What had she been doing?

Before we could say anything, she ran up the stairs. Edward giggled when she stumbled over one and almost fell.

"Shut up, Edward." She shouted, already at the top landing.

"Better get your shoes on. I have a feeling we're about to go exploring."

I pulled out of Edward's warm arms and grabbed my shoes. He and Jasper did the same.

When Alice returned, she had a black zip up hoodie on and her pockets were filled with stuff. She went into the kitchen and brought back a basket full of food. I guess we were going to have a picnic.

"Where are you guys going?" Esme asked in her sweet voice. I loved Edward's mother.

"We're just gonna find something to do." Edward said. I assumed his mother wouldn't approve of the cemetery idea.

"Okay, honey. Just don't stay out too late you guys. And be careful."

"We will."

"Jacob you're spending the night, right?" Carlisle asked.

"That was the idea." I said. "I don't want to intrude though."

"No, no. We love having you over. Stay as long as you like." He smiled.

After the small conversation with his parents, we loaded into Edward's car and began our journey to Widow's Cemetery. Jasper called the directions to Edward from the back seat.

It was dark outside and the streets were lined with monsters of every sort. Alice cooed every time she caught a glance of a little fairy or angel. 'So cute!' She would say.

When we reached Widow's Hill, we turned onto a small and bumpy road. The ride was really rough and I got a little nervous. Edward groaned a few times, obviously regretting the decision to take his car up the hazardous path. Trees whipped at the windows and gravels and dirt clumped on the bottom of the metal frame. As each minute passed, it got darker and spookier.

"You know, there's another story about this place. They say that if you stop your car in the middle of the road, turn off the engine and shut off the lights, that someone or something will start knocking on your windows."

"Yeah, well, I'm not that brave." Alice told her boyfriend. I silently thanked her for not asking Edward to stop the car.

Twenty minutes passed with silence. The only noise coming from the grumble of the tires over the dangerous terrain and the scratching of tree limbs on the glass.

"There it is." Jasper said, pointing over my shoulder.

The machine pulled to a stop near the small gravesite. Edward left the headlights on to light our path as we got out.

Small gravestones littered the ground, rounding up and continuing on through the thick forest. There were only a couple large ones, but they were broken and beaten down.

Alice pulled out a small blanket and laid it between two small grave markers. We all took a seat as she started piling out leftovers from the night's dinner.

"Aren't you guys going to eat?" She asked, taking a piece of fried chicken into her mouth.

We all sat staring at her.

"You're a little scary sometimes." Edward said.

"I'm just cultured. Haven't you heard about the different cultures that have meals with their dead loved ones on Halloween?"

"I think I remember reading something about that." He replied. "But it's still a little creepy."

Reluctantly, we started piling food onto the paper plates we had brought. My stomach grumbled at the sight of the meal and I wondered how the hell I was still hungry after eating so much popcorn.

When we were done we all sat around, not really knowing what to do.

"Didn't you say this place was supposed to be haunted?"

"Yeah."

"Well then, let's go exploring!" She pulled out a digital camera and a sound recorder from her pockets. So that's what she'd been hiding. She wanted to have her own little amateur ghost hunt.

Jasper groaned but pulled himself up off the ground and started walking after her.

"You guys coming?" He asked.

Edward glanced at me quickly, then turned back to Jasper.

"No, I don't think so."

He waved us off as he and Alice walked into the trees.

"Thanks. I really didn't want to go." I told him.

"I didn't think you did. But I didn't either."

He gave my hand a small squeeze and shivered as a gust of wind blew between us.

"You cold?"

"A little."

"Let's go sit in the car."

He agreed and after cleaning up the remains of our picnic and stuffing it into the trunk, we got inside. Even without the heater on, it was a few degrees warmer in the Volvo. We slipped into the backseat and cuddled close together.

"This is nice." He whispered.

"Yeah if you find freaky old graveyards romantic."

He laughed.

"As long as you're wrapped in my arms, any situation can be romantic."

I kissed his lips and pulled him closer to me. The heat from his body kept me warm. Somewhere outside the car, a dog, or a wolf, howled. I cringed.

Noticing my reaction, Edward reached up to the CD holder on his visor and slipped a disk into the CD player. He punched a button a few times and as he leaned back to me, sounds of a piano filled the air around. Faithfully by Journey.

"I like this song."

"Me too. It's the Greatest Hits album."

Something happened in that moment as he smiled lightly. His eyes took on a different emotion and he pulled me closer. I rested my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. His lips graced my hair as he sang. When it came to last line in the chorus, he whispered the words in my ear.

"I'm forever yours, faithfully."

The heat from his breath gusted across my cheek and my heart tightened in my chest. Though we'd never said the words, I could feel the love radiating off of him in waves of emotion. I felt myself wanting to cry as the feeling enveloped me fully. We hadn't been together long, but he was everything I could ever want. Everything that meant anything. He wiped the single tear off my skin and brushed his lips to the spot.

Faithfully.

I knew what this meant. As the music continued to fill the car, I realized what had happened. In that moment I loved him. And this love that I was feeling was stronger than anything I had ever experienced before.

I brought my face to his and kissed him eagerly. He slipped onto his back and lay beneath me on the leather seat. My hands traced the contours of his face as our lips danced together. I had never wanted anyone more than I wanted him in that moment. I sighed and pressed my forehead to his. I thought about what the future might bring to us, and suddenly I didn't care. Scenes of us together, living together, holding hands, kissing, and making love filled my head. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Silly teenagers we may be, but there was no doubt about our feelings for one another. And no longer did I question what exactly I wanted from him. The answer to that was simple. Forever.

I wanted forever.

He ran his hands up my back and I kissed him again, harder this time. I wanted him. I ground my hips into his and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. He groaned.

The song ended and another, faster one took its place. How appropriate.

He sat up and pulled me beneath him. It took a bit of shuffling around and a couple accidental kicks to the door, but when we finally got settled, he was leaning over me with passion filled eyes. It was hard to see his face in the dark, but his features were etched into my memory and I knew how he looked when he was on the edge. I could close my eyes and still have a perfect picture of what he would look like.

He kissed my lips, taking control, and pulled my hands to his hips. I gripped them tightly and pulled him down to me. His erection brushed hard against mine and I moaned loudly. He pulled his lips back, smiled, then attached them to my neck. We had a 'no hickey' policy, so he didn't suck, but he lapped at the tender skin beneath my ear. I tilted my head to the side giving him better access.

Without thinking, I undid my pants and pulled them down. He hesitated for a moment, then did the same with his. His flesh was hard and hot as it touched me. I pulled his shirt over his head and then did the same with mine. I wanted to feel every inch of him. Wanted to touch every part of him.

He continued his assault on my neck and I spread my legs. He pulled them up around him as he settled between them. I could feel the tip of him pressing into me, pleading for entrance. I pushed back a little and felt the head slip in tightly. It felt like that small little intrusion had ripped me apart.

"Fuck." I gasped out in pain. He pulled out quickly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten that close."

"It was my fault."

"I don't have anything with me and we really shouldn't even attempt it without you being properly lubricated."

"I know that now."

Plus, I really didn't want our first time to be in the backseat of his car.

He laughed a little and kissed me sweetly. His hand slid down between us and massaged my bottom. It was a little sore but not so bad that it took my mind off of him touching me. My cock twitched at the feel of his fingers. I opened my legs further and he pulled back a little, kissing his way down my chest. His nose nuzzled into the hair that made up my happy trail. His fingers crazed my thighs and he took a small lick at the crease of my leg and private area. He placed a kiss at the base of my erection.

Suddenly I wished that I had thought to trim my pubic hair.

"Is this okay?" He whispered to me.

"Mmhmm." I mumbled, not trusting myself to speak.

It felt like the world was crashing down as his slipped me into his mouth. It was so warm and hot. I moaned loudly into the night air. Everything was forgotten except the way his tongue swirled over my head and dipped into the slit that resided there. He pressed down further, taking all of my length. My hands found his hair and my fingers gripped and pulled tightly on the locks as he sucked on my engorged flesh. He took so much of me in with no problem. I couldn't help but to think about how he didn't gag like Bella did when she attempted to deep-throat during a blow job.

His head bobbed up and down a few times, then he would start to suck again. He didn't have a routine. He didn't do the same exact things over and over. He would suck, nibble, lick, and sometimes pull me completely out and place a kiss in the midst of the dark curls. I could feel his right hand grip my sac softly and knead them.

He was doing everything perfectly. It was like he had done this to me a thousand times. He knew exactly what made me quiver and jerk. I found myself praying that he wouldn't want this done to him in return. I had never sucked off a boy before and I didn't want him to be disappointed in my lack of experience.

He deep-throated me again and a low humming came from the back of his throat, vibrating around my flesh. My head pushed against leather, my eyes closed, and my fingers tightened in his hair. He hummed again and I gasped as cum sprang from within me. My body was suddenly on fire and fought against the thrashing that was trying to take me over. For a moment my senses dulled and I became oblivious to everything around me. All I could feel was the drastic beat of my heart, the pleasure that pulsed from my lips down to my toes, and each twitch of my cock as it released another violent stream of my ejaculate.

When I was finished, I collapsed back onto the seat. I hadn't even realized how much I had tensed up. My back had arched upwards and I let it fall back down, feeling the leather stick on the sweat that covered me. The chilly air was cold on my wet skin, and I was surprised that I still felt warmth on the softening area that was my penis.

With labored breathing, I glanced down to see Edward's mouth still around me. He pulled me out, licked off a small amount of cum that was still on my head, then licked his lips. I suddenly felt ashamed that I hadn't warned him about my orgasm. I always had to tell Bella so that she would let me go. I would end up pumping my own erection until I came.

But Edward had taken it all in.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" His voice was suddenly etched with worry.

"For not letting you know that I was about to come."

"Why are you apologizing for that? You don't have to tell me."

"I don't?"

"No. I don't care if you come in my mouth. I prefer it, actually." My eyes widened in shock. "Plus, I could tell when you were about to. Pulling my hair out of my head is a good enough warning for me."

He laughed and at first I was worried that I had hurt him. He didn't seem to be in pain. After a few moments, after thinking about myself losing control, I began to laugh too.

* * *

We were still laughing as we pulled our clothes on. I would never let him know that it really did hurt when he pulled my hair. I was sure that there were at least a few strands littering the seat. It's not like he could have helped it.

I could taste the bitterness of his cum on the back of my tongue. I hadn't lied to him when I told him that I preferred taking it. I liked knowing that I could bring him to that point. I wasn't about to stop when he finally reached his climax. If I did have any second thoughts about that, his moans outweighed them by a long shot.

I kissed him lightly and zipped my pants. I was still hard as a rock but I could tell immediately that he wasn't comfortable with the idea of sucking me off. Probably thought I would be disappointed in his lack of experience. Yeah, right. I almost came in my pants at the thought of his mouth on me. I didn't care if he was good or not.

But I didn't say anything. Even if I ended up having a quick wank in the shower tonight, his comfort meant more to me and I didn't care.

After making sure everything in the back seat was appropriate, we got back up front. I switched the Journey CD to something a little harder and we waited. I checked the clock on the dash. Alice and Jasper had been gone for a really long time. I was happy for the time spent with Jacob, but I couldn't help the worry that began to creep into the back of my sore head.

"Do you think we should go look for them?" He asked, obviously following my train of thought.

I nodded my head and we stepped out into the cold night air. He took my hand as we walked out of the illumination of the headlights and descended further into the darkness of the woods, in the direction they had gone.

After a couple of minutes of silence, we heard a loud groan. We jumped a little, fearing the anger of some random deranged wild animal. We stood rooted in our spots for a second, listening closely. Another guttural groan escaped into the air and a small moan followed after it. Oh my God!

I gripped Jacob's hand and ran back to the car. That was so disgusting! My sister was having sex! With Jasper! Thankfully, I didn't see anything. But the sound of them doing it would forever be burned into my ear drums. Ew, ew, ew!

I jumped into the car and turned the radio up even louder. There was no way we would be able to hear anything this far away, but fuck if I wouldn't try to drown out the possibility.

My sister was too young. Way too young! And Jasper was older than she was! I was definitely going to be having a talk with her about this. And Jasper. Suddenly, I didn't like him anymore. The way he had suggested this place…pssh.. He wasn't bored. He just wanted to get laid! I ignored the little voice in the back of my head that told me that really wasn't his intention. And I all but screamed at it when it suggested that I was just being an overprotective brother.

No!

I slouched in anger and felt Jacob laugh a little beside me.

About twenty minutes had passed when we finally saw them heading our way. I fought the urge to jump out and tackle him right there. Instead, I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles ached.

There was complete silence when they got inside. I backed up, almost hit a tree, then began the drive back home. No one said anything until we were almost to the house.

"How are you getting home?" Jacob asked Jasper.

"My mom is coming to pick me up at eleven."

I glanced at the clock again. It was ten thirty. Yes! The little shit would be gone soon.

I pulled into the driveway and shut the car off. The porch light was on, but Mom and Dad were no longer sitting outside. They had left the cauldron filled with candy sitting out just in case there were a few straggling trick-or-treaters. It was probably empty already.

I kicked off my shoes and went straight up to my bedroom. Jacob followed. I fell back onto my bed, still not believing what had happened. I sighed and rolled over, pulling him close to me. I smelled the sweat that still hung in his hair. I kissed his forehead quickly.

"I love you." He whispered.

For a moment I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. Had he really just told me that he loved me?

"What?"

He hesitated, then mumbled out a 'nothing'.

He pulled out of my arms and grabbed his bag. Not bothering to go to the bathroom, he changed into his pajamas. I had forgotten about my idea of taking a shower. I guess we'd both be taking one in the morning.

I followed his actions and took off my clothes. I grabbed my favorite pair of boxers and slid them onto my lower half.

He got into bed and pulled the covers up around him. I quickly turned off the lights and slid in next to him. I tangled my legs in his and wrapped my arms around his waist. I leaned up and gave him a small kiss on the lips, then let my mouth linger near his ear.

"I love you too." I whispered.

_Many nights,  
All the same.  
__Playing forever  
__This old game.  
__If you have forever  
__I'll take it.  
__Give me your heart  
__I promise I won't break it.  
__Many nights  
__But none like this.  
__A lingering touch  
__A midnight kiss._


	15. The Perfect Man

**Author's Note:  
**Okay, so...my homework life has been crazy hectic. I apologize for not getting chapters up that fast. I mean, I'm not taking _forever_, but I'm still not getting them up as fast I would like. I love writing on this story and I hate the fact that I do not have much time to do so. Also, I apologize for skipping through the months like I am, but it's necessary for the story.  
Another thing, the place they go to in this story is real. And the thing that happens with the snow is real as well. Just thought I'd share that with you. It isn't made up.  
Anyways, thanks to the amazing reviewers. You guys never fail me and I love you for it; Marissalove123, kage101, dreamgirl93, Arabella16, maxandkef, chaosRUBEDO, rena otsuda, becky2qt2bstr8, AnnaFrancesca, shiroyuki004, Chibi-Elric-Chan, asianpervert, lilli kitty, Jowee, and Cantar. I love all the new reviewers! I'm glad you guys are finding this story worth reading!  
And a big thank you to all of the people that have recently added me/the story to your favorites/alerts lists. That means a lot!

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Fifteen  
The Perfect Man**

The days of autumn passed by quickly and soon the different colored leaves were gone and a white powder had taken its place. Snow covered the ground and clumps of snowflakes fell from the sky. The days had gotten shorter and the expanse of night seemed never ending.

The month of November had slipped by rather uneventfully. Everyone continued with the monotonous routine of high school and homework until Thanksgiving Break. I had two meals that day. Charlie had invited me over, so he and I sat down along with Bella to the meal she had prepared. Later that night, Edward came to my house to have dinner with my family and Sue's. I wasn't sure why Sue Clearwater and her kids had spent that time with us. It wasn't normal for them to be at our house on Thanksgiving.

Edward and I had been spending as much time together as we could. Between school and our families, I also had the duty of keeping our relationship a secret to Bella. I went to her house and took her on dates. I tried to make it as normal as possible. I tried to be happy when I was with her. I tried to give her a good time and make it seem like nothing had changed. She didn't seem to notice anything different.

Although Bella was oblivious to everything going on around her, I could tell that Edward was growing restless. It was obvious that he cared about me, that he loved me, but even if he tried to keep it to himself, I knew he was getting tired of going behind her back. I knew that he wanted us to open up about our relationship, that he no longer wanted to be a secret. I felt bad for making him remain just that, a secret. Edward was the one that was in hiding. Though he had come out of the closet a long time ago, he was now forced to keep his relationship hidden. It hurt to know that I was making him resort back to a time when no one knew that he liked men.

In truth, I just wasn't ready to open up. I wasn't ready for the world to know that I was gay. I wasn't prepared to deal with my father's reaction or Bella's hurt. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that I was keeping them in the dark for their own good, I couldn't deny that I simply was not ready to take on the world.

I sighed as I walked through the mall. Christmas was in two days and I still didn't have a gift for either of the two people that I was romantically involved with. I knew Bella would probably want some kind of jewelry, but what to get Edward? Was I even supposed to get him anything? Obviously, the answer to that question was yes. Even if he didn't get me a gift, I'd still get him one. He told me that I didn't have to, but fuck if I was going to watch his face fall in disappointment when we got together on Christmas because there was no gift for him under the tree. Yeah, right.

I stopped when I walked past a book store. Edward loves to read.

I walked inside, the smell of paper hitting my nose and mixing with the scent of a thousand candles that were inside the candle shop next door. It was a bit much for my head and I suddenly felt a bit dizzy. I walked further into the bookstore, trying to escape the smell of the candles.

The shelf with the "New Releases" sign above it caught my attention and I quickly went over to scan the covers. What book had he been wanting? Which one had he been speaking of? I racked my brain trying to remember the title.

I realized that I had gone into the romance section and decided to look for a book to get him. I still thought it was a little strange that Edward liked to read romance novels. But hey, to each their own. His favorite genres were romance and thrillers. And he had a love for vampires.

A girl standing next to me sat the book she had been looking at back down on the shelf. I glanced at it quickly in curiosity. And there it was. The book by Nicholas Sparks. That was the book he'd been blubbering about since it was released. I had never heard of it or any other books by the author. The only reason I even knew who the man was is because Bella once tried to explain to me about how good he writes love stories and how they always made her cry. I'd also been forced to watch The Notebook with her about a million times.

I picked the book up and started towards the checkout counter when I saw a row of books with Anne Rice's name on them. After the Masquerade Ball, Edward had dutifully informed me about the characters he'd been referring to and told me that I should try reading The Vampire Chronicles. I skimmed over the names quickly, trying to locate the one he'd told me started off the series. I was ready to get out of this store, get Bella's present, and then get back home. I was sick of being in the mall. I didn't like to shop.

I stuffed Interview With The Vampire into my arms, then went to the front counter and gave them to the cashier. I handed over the money, refused a membership card, and walked out in search of jewelry store.

It didn't take as long to get Bella's gift. As soon as I walked into the store I saw a locket that wasn't very expensive. It was pretty, so she'd like it.

On my way out of the mall, I stopped to look around the shoe store. I saw a pair of Chuck Taylors and an image of Edward's raggedy old Converse came to my mind. I called Alice and asked her what size shoe he wore, bought a pair of low-rise Chucks and left.

While I was in my car, trying to focus on the icy road as much as possible, I thought about a place that my mother had taken me to when I was little. She only took me when it was snowing and it was a beautiful place.

Instead of going to my house, I pulled up into Edward's driveway, stuffed the presents into my trunk and went to knock on the door.

"Hey Jake." Esme said, letting me come inside. I pulled my jacket off and laid it on the couch as the house was very warm.

"Is Edward home?"

"Yeah, he's in his room."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, dear. When are you going to spend the night again? We love having you over." She smiled at me and I couldn't help but grin in return. She was such a nice woman.

"Um, I'm not sure. But I'll try to make it soon."

"Good."

I smiled at her again, then made my way up to the staircase. When I reached Edward's door, I realized that the light was off and there was no sound coming from inside. I laughed as I remembered the incident that had followed the last time I opened his door when the light was turned off. This made me want to walk in even more.

I turned the knob and quietly stepped inside. Edward was asleep on his bed. He was lying on his stomach with his arms beneath his face and he had no shirt on. I let my gaze slide over his muscular back and down to the small bit of his favorite boxers that was revealed by the cover that had been pushed down to his butt. I placed my fingers on the satin cloth and rubbed a little, sliding my hand beneath the blanket. I cupped his right cheek in my grasp and gave a little squeeze.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty." He didn't budge.

I squeezed a little harder and still got no reaction out of him. I slipped my fingers underneath the fabric and caressed his tender skin softly. He skin was like silk, so amazing. I lost myself in the feel of him for a moment, then remembered what I had been attempting to do.

"Edward, wake up." I said a little louder. Gosh, he sleeps like a freakin' bear during hibernation.

I tried a couple more times, then getting a little agitated, I lifted my hand up and then brought my palm down hard on his flesh. He jumped up quickly when I spanked him.

"I'm up, I'm up." He said. "God, you don't have get violent."

I laughed and gave him a peck on the lips.

"I had wake you up somehow."

He started grinning feverishly.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I was already awake."

"Idiot."

"I woke up when you came in. I was gonna get up, but then you started rubbing my ass. How could I take you away from the fun you were having?"

"You're so mean, Edward."

"I must admit, it felt pretty good too. I was wondering how far you were gonna go."

"You're a jackass." I said smiling. "Get up. Put some clothes on. I'm taking you somewhere."

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

He groaned but got out of bed anyway. He walked to his closet and began pulling out an outfit.

"Dress warm."

With that comment weighing on his mind, he pulled out the big bundle that was his winter coat. He started to dress, taking off his boxers to put on a different pair. I was amazed at how the hunger I felt for his body never seemed to die down, no matter what the situation. I ignored the hardening of my flesh as he pulled on a pair of jogging pants, then a pair of jeans over top of them. He looked beautiful with his delicate ivory skin against his dark blue jeans.

I turned and looked out the glass door that led to his balcony as he finished dressing and watched the snowflakes fall from the gray sky.

I was lost in the little crystallized flakes when I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. He hadn't put his coat on yet so his arms were bare. There was a new addition hanging around his wrist. A silver bracelet. It was a basic chain, no charm or decoration. It hung next his rainbow bracelet.

"Where'd you get this?" I asked, my fingers tracing the chain.

"Mom got it for me. She always lets up open up a gift a couple of days before Christmas."

"I wish my Dad would let me do that."

"We've been doing it since we were little. Mom used to get sick of us begging to open one, so finally she gave in. Every year since then we've opened one a couple days before."

I looked at the bracelet again. It was nice, but as I looked at it, it made me wonder about the other, homemade, bracelet that lined his wrist. He never took it off.

I sat down on his bed, suddenly filled with curiosity. It was still early in the morning, so I didn't worry about it getting too late. We could spend a little time at his house before we left.

He followed my actions and took a seat next to me.

"Why do you wear that bracelet? Is it just to highlight the fact that you're gay?"

"Well, yes, that's one reason."

"There's something else then?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, there is."

"Will you tell me?"

"I don't-"

"You don't have to. I'm just curious."

"It was given to me by my first boyfriend, the one that made me realize that I was gay."

"So he obviously meant a lot to you. I can understand that."

He looked at me, and I could tell the understanding made itself evident in my eyes. The person that made you realize what you really want, deep down, was the one you would never forget. The moments spent on revealing yourself to that person, the moments that would inevitably change your entire life, would never be forgotten.

I knew that was the truth as I thought back on all the times I had spent with Edward. If anything should ever happen to our relationship, I know that his face and all the words he had spoken to me would be forever imprinted on my memory.

"Yeah, he meant a lot to me. Of course he did. But time quickly made it obvious that the feeling wasn't mutual."

"What happened?"

"He broke my heart. Actually he ripped it to pieces, threw it on the ground, then proceeded to stomp on it coldly." He glanced up at me. "I went over to his house, on Valentine's Day no less, with a bouquet of roses. I knocked on the door, no answer. It was locked so I couldn't open it. He obviously forgot about the trellis, though. Whenever I needed to be with him I would just sneak out and climb up the trellis."

My heart ached at the sight of him reliving the memories I knew he wished he could forget.

"So I didn't think anything odd was going to happen when I reached the top." He took in a breath. "But then I looked into his bedroom window. He could lock the doors, but the stupid fuck didn't have enough sense to close his curtains. He was fucking my best friend. My best friend! A guy I had known since the first grade!" His voice broke on the last word and tear slipped from the corner of his eye.

I pulled him closer and rubbed circles along his back.

"I obviously didn't mean anything to either of them. Turns out they had been meeting behind my back for months. Sean told me that he was sorry I had to find out that way, but that he just didn't love me like I loved him. He said that I was too pushy, too emotional. He later told me that he had been planning on breaking up with me for long time. He just didn't know how to say it."

The tears were gone now and behind his eyes I could see anger and hatred rising up within him. Suddenly, I realized why he wasn't so keen on the idea of us dating behind Bella's back. I felt like an ass in that moment.

"I guess I should tell you before our relationship goes any further. I didn't handle the breakup well. I slept around with a lot of people." I cringed at the thought of Edward having sex with so many men. He didn't seem to notice until I slipped off the bed and into a chair against the wall. It wasn't that I didn't want to be next to him. I really did. I just couldn't handle the thought of being on the same bed that had once been home to so many bodies of random lovers that had shared intimate moments with the boy I loved.

"Jacob, I'm sorry. I've tried to put the past behind me, but I knew that when I finally shared that with someone, they would think I was sick. I understand if you want to leave."

"What? No. I don't care about that, Edward. I just…" I eyed the bed.

He looked down at the sheet-covered mattress. A small smile appeared as he realized that I wasn't going to leave. I was happy that he had followed my train of thought.

"Never here. I would never allow it. Except one time, but that got interrupted, thank God. That was the night my parents found out I was gay."

I sat back down next to him and put my arms around his shoulders.

"How many?"

"I don't know. I lost count after a while. I guess I was just looking for someone to replace his face with their own. Some of them did eventually, but it never lasted long." He dropped his head onto my shoulder and I kissed his hair lightly.

"Before something does happen between us, I need to know something. I…were you…did you-" I stammered at my words. How to properly ask if he had used condoms?

"I know what you're asking. And yes, every time. I always made sure I was protected. I may have been lonely and depressed, but even through depression I'm not that stupid."

I lifted his face up to mine and kissed his lips softly.

"So you're not disgusted? You actually want to stay with me?"

I shook my head at him. "Seriously Edward, I doubt anything you say could disgust me. I mean, it was your past. You're not that same boy anymore."

"No, I'm not." He smiled, and I kissed him again.

We sat there for a few moments, thinking about everything that had just been revealed. I wasn't happy that Edward had been promiscuous in the past, but like I told him, he isn't the same boy anymore. Everyone has their regrets, their secrets. And even if he was really close to it, no one is perfect.

"So…you ready to go?" I asked, trying to break the small amount of tension that still hung in the air.

"Yeah. Where did you say we were going?"

"Trying to catch me off guard, are you?" I giggled. "I told you it's a surprise."

"You suck."

"Not yet, I don't."

After I said that, my cheeks grew hot at the memory of him taking me into his mouth. He saw my face and laughed, then pulled on a sweater and his winter coat.

* * *

We finally parked and got out of the car. We had taken Jacob's rabbit and the drive had been a rough, long one. His car didn't handle icy roads too well, so he had been forced to drive extra slowly and carefully.

I had been quiet while his was driving. I was trying to gauge his reaction to information that I had just thrown out to him. I believed him when he said he didn't care about my past, but I could tell that he was still uncomfortable about the idea of me being with so many other men. But if he had just told me that he had slept with half of the girls in the school, I don't think that I would have been so warm to the idea either. I hated the fact that I was sharing him now. I knew that Bella had asked him to do things. They had been dating for a really long time. It was expected of them to have sex.

My feelings on the situation were a mix of anger and hurt. I could understand that he wasn't ready to come out yet. I had once been in the same situation. I know the worry and the fear that comes with telling the people around you that you're not what they think you are. It's hard to reveal something to the people you love when you know that they might hate you for it. I had lucked out, but many others aren't as lucky, Jacob being one of them. He had a lot to lose by revealing that he was gay.

One thing I couldn't understand was why he insisted on staying with her. I mean, yeah, they'd been together for a long time, so it must be hard to let her go, but did he really think that this would go on forever? Did he expect me to remain a secret while the entire world thought that he loved Bella? And if we did keep our relationship behind closed doors, what would come of the day when she wanted something more from him? Marriage, children?

I was getting sick of standing behind them. I was tired of not being able to be the one that got to show the world he was mine. I fucking hated being his secret. Many times I had wondered if he was ashamed of me. But I quickly threw out that thought and reminded myself that this is a lot harder for him. I just wished that we could go out in public together, show people that we loved each other.

I was tired of sharing him.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?" He asked, bringing me back from my thoughts.

I realized that my hands were balled into fists inside my jacket pockets and that I had been holding my breath. I opened my mouth and let a gush of wintry air hit my lungs. I focused on breathing right and the sound of his voice and forced my hands out of their tight embrace.

"No, do you?"

"Not really. Follow me."

We walked past the bathrooms and gift shops that were closed down. It was obvious that he had brought me to some kind of park. There were picnic tables and swings everywhere as well as an empty pool and a dock the led to the river that passed through.

I followed him to a path that led up through the woods. I glanced at signs informing visitors that no bikes or pets were allowed on the trail.

The walk took about thirty minutes. We were constantly going uphill and the path was always changing between wooden or stone stairs, and a natural trail. The air was cold and I was starting to get really cold. My toes were numb and my knees were freezing. I hadn't put enough layers on. My nose had even started to run. I felt a little conscious about that until I caught a glimpse of him wiping his nose on his jacket sleeve. I couldn't help but to laugh when I saw him do it and made a mental note not to touch that part of his jacket later.

We passed many cliff edges and caves, each with a different name. Some of them had pretty strange and creepy titles. There was cave that was called Devil's Eye, and then I had carefully walked by a cliff called Hangman's Rock. This place was a bit twisted.

The names of the places may have been weird, but with the snowflakes falling and the ground already covered in white softness, it was beautiful.

I was out of breath and feeling like I was going to fall over when he finally stopped in front of me. I shivered violently as he took my hand and pulled me closer to the face of the cliff.

"Welcome to Lover's Leap." He said.

It was breathtaking. Not only was there a beautiful view of the snow covered trees and mountains, but when the wind would blow, the snow would somehow blow straight up the side of the cliff and fly back up into the air. It was so beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I was amazed and in awe of how the snow would go straight back up and meet the sky. I didn't know this was possible.

"Wow."

"Yeah, beautiful isn't it?"

"How does it do that?"

"I have no idea." He laughed.

"How did you know about this place?"

"My mom used to bring me up here to watch it when I was little. It was something she made sure to do every year. Even though I always got sick afterwards, I'd always beg her to bring me back. She never said no." His voice lowered a little as he spoke about his mother. The only thing I knew about her was that she had died when he was eight.

"You miss her?"

"Of course I do. I loved her."

I walked up behind and wrapped my arms around his waist. I loved standing like this and he seemed to like it too. He dropped his head back on my chest and sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know." I hesitated, not sure if I should continue. I didn't want to upset him. "How did she die?"

"She drowned." His breathing hitched. "She and Dad had a fight one day so she went out to the beach to calm herself down. It had been hours since she left and when she didn't come back we called Charlie, Bella's dad. He's the chief of police and since Dad knew him well, he knew he would come as soon as possible. She'd hit her head on a rock or something when she was in the water."

I wiped the tear that had fallen down his cheek and turned him around to face me. I gave him a quick kiss and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Jake."

"It's okay." He smiled. "I mean, yeah, I miss her. But it was a long time ago. It doesn't hurt anymore. Just kind of makes me sad when I think about her. It was really hard for Dad though. For a while he blamed himself for it."

I instantly thought of the strange man that was Jacob's father. He was a little odd, but he was nice enough. I felt a new sense of respect for him. It must have been hard finding out that his wife had died right after he'd had an argument with her.

Jacob and I didn't stay at Lover's Leap much longer. The air was freezing and although the scene was beautiful, we couldn't handle our numbing limbs.

He took me back home but didn't stay. He said that he had a few new presents to wrap and laughed as he refused to tell me what he had bought for me.

I had already bought his gift and it was neatly wrapped and tucked away in the depth of my closet behind a few lingering boxes.

After grabbing a quick snack, I slipped off my cold and damp clothing, took a hot shower, and put my favorite satin boxers back on. I grabbed the current book I was reading and slid between warm sheets and blankets. I still had a while before the night was over, so I curled up in my bed and started reading, forgetting all my troubles and worries in the process.

_A new look at you,  
A new kind of appreciation.  
Can't imagine if I lost you.  
I'll ignore the aggravation.  
Hold on as long as I can,  
Till I can have you for myself.  
I'll be the perfect man.  
Until finally there's no one else._


	16. Something More

**Author's Note:  
**Let me start off by saying that you guys have no idea how excited I am over this story. I wish that I had a lot more time to write. The only thing that bugs me is that I am dying to get into later chapters, just because I really want to know what you guys think about them. I have snippets of chapters, all the way up to the last one. These, of course, are of the main things that happen. It bugs me knowing that I have to write all these filler chapters just to get to them. :P Safely saying, I'm ready for this story to come to an end. Not because I want it done, no, I am just dying to know what you guys think about the stuff that is going to happen later on! So, if you think that this story is going to be finished any time soon, you're completely wrong. :) There are many more chapters coming ahead.  
Thanks to the reviewers, Cantar, Marissalove123, ashleyynicolex3, dreamgirl93, Arabella16, Alexya Defender, GiniVampire, Jennipher, rena otsuda, asianpervert, AnnaFrancesca, Emotionsonhold, Chibi-Elric-Chan, yohanita21, and shiroyuki004. You guys never make me forget why I love writing fanfiction. :D  
Also, a thanks to all the new people that have added me/the story to your favorites/alerts list. I am very thankful.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Sixteen  
Something More**

"_Jacob, I love you, but I can't do this." Edward said, letting go of my hand. He walked away from me and joined the crowd of boys standing on the beach. They sat down to the campfire, even though the sun was still shining. It glinted off of his bronze hair beautifully. _

"_What's wrong, Edward? I don't understand." I pleaded with him to come back to me. But it was no use. He wrapped his arms around the two boys that sat on each side of him. Quil was sitting across from him looking into the flames. _

"_It's over Jacob. He doesn't want you anymore." Said my friend. "He wants to be with us now. Just leave him alone." He got up and pulled his shirt off, revealing his hard, tanned chest. He walked over to Edward and started kissing him. I fell to the sand, with tears streaming down my face._

"_Come here, Jake. It'll be okay." _

_I looked up to see Bella silhouetted in the sunlight. Worry flashed through me. Did she know? How did she find out? Had Quil told her? She pulled me up from the ground and wrapped her arms around me. _

"_Shh…don't cry. It'll be okay." She hugged me tighter. "He never loved you anyway."_

_With that, she shoved me backwards and I fell into the water. Liquid filled my open mouth and my tears were wiped away by the ocean. I sank deeper into its depths. I looked up and saw the sunlight breaking through the surface. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I should be swimming towards it. I waved my arms, trying to get closer to the air above me but I could move. Suddenly, a hand grasped onto mine. Long black hair floated around my face. I looked over and my mother was right next to me. She smiled and pulled me closer to her body. _

"_Why are you here?" I asked._

_She smiled again and began to swim, my hand still in hers. I swam with her until the sun above me was gone. I could see the ground below me. We were in shallow water. Just a few steps and I would break the surface._

"_Go to him." She said._

"_I can't. He doesn't want me anymore."_

"_He'll always want you."_

_With that, she swam away, leaving me alone in the dark water. I quickly grew scared and started walking on the sand. I forced myself onward until my face was hit with icy air. I looked onto the bank __that sat before me. It was Janson Lake. The ground was covered in snow and the trees swayed lightly back and forth in the wind. I was filled with peace as I walked, barefoot, onto the snow. _

"_Jacob?" Called out a beautiful male voice. _

"_I'm here." _

_Edward walked out of the trees and when he reached me, his lips connected hard with my own. I kissed him in desperation, not wanting him to leave me again._

"_But…I thought you didn't want me." I said, my eyes tearing up._

"_Where did you ever get an idea like that?" He smiled and kissed me again._

"_Jacob!" He suddenly yelled. "Jacob get up!" My face was hit with ice cold water._

"Jacob get up! It's time to open presents!"

"What the hell?" I asked, sitting up in my bed. My face and blankets were wet. Water had been poured on me.

I looked up to see Leah Clearwater standing over me, a smile on her face. I shuddered as the last memory of the dream faded away. I had already forgotten it. The only thing that still lingered was the feeling of sadness. But that soon turned to anger.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here?"

"Please watch your language. My little brother is in the next room."

"Sorry."

"We're spending the day with you guys. Mom's already made breakfast."

"Why are you suddenly spending the holidays with us? You never came over before."

"You don't know?"

"Don't know what?" I asked confused.

"Oh…never mind…come open presents…" She looked down at the floor, then started to walk out of my room.

"Wait! What don't I know?"

She didn't turn around. She just walked on out the door.

I sighed, not feeling well enough to face everyone yet. But I would have to. It was Christmas day after all. I got up from my bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The entire time I was getting dressed, my mind was reeling. What didn't I know that Leah knew? Why was her family suddenly spending so much time with mine? Why was Dad going over to-

No. Absolutely not. I shook my head as the realization hit me. Hard. Dad wasn't dating Sue. It was impossible. He couldn't, no wouldn't, do that. He wasn't dating her.

I walked into the living room with this notion still in my head. I would make myself believe that he wasn't with her. But as I sat down on the couch and presents started being handed out, I couldn't help but notice the fleeting little glances they threw each other. Why hadn't I noticed that before? But an even bigger question came to mind… Why did I care? She was a nice woman, after all. She took care of us after Mom died. Mom… She wasn't my mother. And she wouldn't be. She would never be.

"Here you go, Jake." Said Seth, who sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, handing out the gifts.

I grabbed the present from him a little too harshly and instantly felt bad when a look of hurt crossed his face. He was a nice kid.

"Sorry, Seth. I'm still half asleep." A smile broke onto his face and he gave my sister one of her presents.

An hour quickly flew by and soon the entire living room was littered with wrapping paper. My dad had gotten me a couple of pairs of jeans, some socks, and a sweater. Sue and her family had gotten me a CD that I had been wanting and some movie that I had never even heard of. I had one present left and I looked down at the little sticker on top. It was from Rachel.

I ripped off the paper and was surprised to find an iPod.

"Rachel!"

"What? You don't like it? I still have the receipt…"

"No, I love it. But…how did you get the money for it? These aren't exactly cheap."

"Well, I have a job on campus and I've been saving up. I remember when they first came out. You wouldn't leave Dad alone about them."

I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a tight hug. I couldn't believe that she had gotten me and iPod. I had wanted one so bad.

"You shouldn't have spent this much money on me. Yours wasn't even near this much."

"I don't care. You like it don't you?"

"Of course, I love it."

"Then shut up." She laughed. "Oh, would you mind getting my sweater from my room? I'm a bit cold. It's on my bed."

"After you got me this, sure. Anything else?"

"Um…not at the moment. I'm sure I'll be able to think up lots of stuff you can do for me tonight." She smiled.

I got up and walked towards her room. When I stepped inside, there wasn't a sweater in sight. But there was a small box sitting on her bed, wrapped up in black paper. Curiously, I stepped closer and took a look at it. It had my name on it. When I picked it up, a piece of paper fell to the floor. It had obviously been sitting underneath it. I grabbed it quickly.

'_For you and that gorgeous lover of yours.'_

I laughed, knowing immediately that she was speaking of Edward. She wasn't exactly subtle when it came to how hot she thought he was.

I ripped off the wrapping paper to find a small plastic bag. What the hell was it? I slipped my hand inside and pulled out the contents.

My cheeks burned hot in chagrin. In my hand I held a box of flavored condoms and a bottle of lubricant. My sweet little perverted sister.

I quickly placed the items in the bottom drawer of my dresser and glanced at the clock. It was nine forty five in the morning. I was supposed to be at Edward's house at ten thirty. I pulled my shoes and socks on, grabbed a hoodie, then pulled the gifts out from under my bed. I was positive that they wouldn't mind me showing up early.

When I walked back into the living room, I gave my sister a quick swipe on the back of the head. She grinned.

"Where are you going?" Dad asked.

"I told you last night that I was going to Edward's. His parents asked me to come over."

"You're spending an awful lot of time over there."

"And?"

"I just think you shouldn't make yourself a nuisance. Sooner or later, they're gonna get sick of you."

"They really like me, Dad. And Edward is my friend. I like spending time with him and his family."

"I've heard rumors about your little friend. News gets around quick here, you know."

My heart stopped for a moment. What was he implying? What did he know?

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard that he's not exactly…playing for the right team."

"So. What does it matter?"

"I'm just saying that you should watch yourself. You don't know how people like that are."

If he only knew that I know _exactly _how people like that are. What would he do if I told him right there?

"Dad, leave him alone. There's nothing wrong with gay people. Edward's a nice person. He wouldn't do anything to hurt Jacob." Rachel said from her place on the couch.

"I'm just sayin'…"

"Dad.." She warned.

"Alright, whatever. Go and have fun with the Cullens. Just be back before dinner.

I was fuming as I got into my car. How dare he talk about Edward like that? Or even gay people for that matter! He's so….closed minded.

I started the car and pulled out. Stupid homophobic father.

When I got to Edward's house, I pulled the gifts out of my car and knocked on the door. Alice answered.

I laughed inwardly, remembering the night at the graveyard. Edward hadn't talked to Jasper, but he did have a big discussion with Alice. It was because of her that he didn't talk to her boyfriend. She had flat out told him that it was none of his damned business and that if he didn't leave her alone she was going to tell Esme and Carlisle that he'd had some fiascos in his own bedroom.

That shut him up.

My bad mood eased up and I kicked my shoes off before I walked into the living room. Edward was already there, sitting in front of the tree, waiting to open up the presents. He was the only person there.

"Where's everyone else?"

"In the kitchen. They're eating breakfast."

I burst out in laughter at the sight of Edward sitting there grinning like an idiot while his family ate. He gave a whole new meaning to the phrase 'like a kid on Christmas morning'. How I loved him.

I looked around quickly, then placed a kiss onto his lips. He tasted so good.

"You're so cute." I whispered.

"Of course." He grinned.

"So which one of these is mine?"

I glanced at the multitude of presents that lay beneath the Christmas tree. There were big ones and small ones and long ones and short ones. They really went all out.

"I'm not telling."

When the Cullens were finished with their meal, they all crowded around the living room. Esme passed out big mugs full of hot chocolate and I sipped mine. It was creamy and delicious and tasted good on my tongue.

I was surprised to see that neither Jasper nor Rosalie was amongst the family members. Emmett and Alice must have been planning to go to their houses later or something. I couldn't help but feel a little special as I was the only person here that wasn't a Cullen.

"Well, start passing them out, Son." Carlisle said to an awaiting Edward.

Chaos ensued as presents began circulating throughout the room. Wrapping paper was lying all around, some even flying up into the air by an excited Alice. She squealed many times as she received an assortment of cosmetics and clothing.

"Here you go." Edward said, handing me a gift.

I was instantly giddy at the thought that I would finally get to see what he'd gotten me. But when I looked at the name tag, it read "From: Carlisle and Esme". They had bought me something? I ripped the paper off to find a new tool kit. It was an expensive one that I had seen in a store a few months ago. I had wanted it badly. I smiled as I looked through it, finding many items that I had been in need of.

I received another one. It was the new CD of a band I had mentioned I liked in passing. I thanked Alice and gave her a quick hug. I laughed when everyone looked at Emmett. He was the only one that hadn't gotten me anything.

"Sorry." He said. "I spend a lot on Rosalie's gift."

I didn't mind. I was rather shocked that I had received things from the others. I didn't expect to get things from them. Plus, I couldn't blame him. It wasn't like I had bought anything for him.

A small box was placed in my hands. This one had Edward's name written on it. I gave him his two gifts and we decided to open them at the same time.

My hands worked on the paper, but my eyes remained focused on the boy in front of me. His eyes lit up as he looked down at the cover of the novel and a grin spread across his face when he saw the shoes.

"Thank you so much, Jake." He looked like he would have given me more of a reaction, but held himself back in the presence of his parents.

I had almost completely forgotten about my gift until it slipped from my fingers and fell onto the floor. I picked it back up and opened the box. I was suddenly disappointed. It was the thought that counted, I knew, but I couldn't help but feel a little let down as I looked at the object in my hands.

A gift card. Edward had gotten me a freakin' gift card.

* * *

I wanted to laugh as I looked at the disappointment on his face. I didn't want to make him sad, but it wasn't like I could give him his actual gift while we were surrounded by everyone else.

When the festivities were over and all the wrapping paper had been cleaned up, I led him up to my room. He sat down on the bed as I put his gifts on my desk. I couldn't believe that he had gotten me the book I had wanted. I didn't think he would even remember the name. I was glad that no one else in my family got it for me. It would have been a little bad if he and someone else got me the same gift.

I opened my closet and reached into the far depths of the back wall. There I felt the box that I had gotten him originally, as well as the new addition. I had gone back for the second gift just yesterday. I had thought about it for a while and finally came to a conclusion. I just hoped that he wouldn't get mad at me or anything.

I retreated back to my bed and sat down next to him. I curled my legs beneath me and handed over the smallest box. He opened it, curiosity evident on his face. When the wrapping paper gave way to a small velvet jewelry box, he looked up at me in shock.

"Edward-"

"Just open it."

"You're not like…" He looked down at the box.

"What proposing to you? We haven't been dating that long Jacob…but if that's what you want…" I got down on one knee.

"Get up, you ass." He laughed.

As I sat back down, he lifted the lid. Inside sat a white gold Claddagh ring.

"Wow. I love it."

"You don't know what it is, do you?"

"Not really." He smiled.

"It's a Claddagh ring. The heart stands for love, the hands for friendship, and the crown stands for loyalty."

"Not too good on that part, am I?"

He sighed and I scooted closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug.

"This is a hard thing to go through, Jake. You're dealing with it the best way you know how. You're not a bad person for that."

I really did wish that he would break up with Bella, but I didn't for once think of him as a bad person. Sure, I didn't like the fact that he was cheating on her, but what else could I ask of him? In time, he would learn how to handle it. Hopefully everything wouldn't be torn to pieces by then.

"I know you don't like that I'm still with her."

I sighed.

"Truthfully, no I don't. But I'm trying to get over it. I don't care. I just want to be with you."

He kissed my lips and pulled the ring out of the box. He placed it on his ring finger. I loved the way it looked sitting there.

"Thank you for the ring. You had me worried."

"About the gift card?" I laughed. "I couldn't give this stuff to you in front of my parents without blowing our cover. But hey, at least now you have an extra thirty dollars."

He grinned and touched his lips to mine once again. I would forever remember the tenderness of that flesh.

Without thinking, I pushed him back on the bed, softly. My fingers laced themselves into each strand of his hair and my tongue lingered on his.

"I love you so much." I whispered.

"I love you too."

He looked up at me with beautiful eyes and I could feel his heart race as my chest lay against his. I cupped his cheek in my palm, resting my thumb on the corner of his mouth.

"You still haven't opened your other gift." I said, a little breathless.

"Oh yeah." He smiled.

"And before you see it, I want to tell you that it's more for me than it is for you."

"Oh that's a nice thought to have." He laughed, taking the paper off the larger box. "Get me a present just so you can use it."

When he opened the gift, he eyed it wearily.

"What do you mean it's for you?"

"Exactly that. It's for me. I mean, for you to use…if you want…" My blood pressure suddenly went up and I felt my face grow hot in embarrassment.

He pulled the box of condoms and bottle of lubricant out of the box.

"You know, my sister got the exact same thing for me. I think the world is trying to tell me something."

I smiled. "I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I hope you know that. We don't have to use them. Only if you want to. I just figured that maybe…if you were a little nervous about…being bottom, and that was the only reason you haven't wanted to do anything, then I could, I don't know, be bottom for a while. But like I said, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. It's completely your decision. I don't care either way. Are you mad?"

"You ramble when you're nervous. It's kind of cute."

"So you're not mad?"

"No. I mean, I'm not ready to…you know. But I mean, I'd always figured that if I couldn't give myself to you, that I wouldn't ask you to do it for me. I thought it was a bit selfish."

"It's not selfish. It's perfectly understandable. And I have no problem with letting you be on top."

"So you don't care that I'm not ready?"

"You already know the answer to that, Jake."

"Yeah, I guess I do." As he hung his head, I lifted his face to mine and placed a kiss onto his lips. He smiled.

"But if you don't mind, I would like to try."

My face lit up at his words. I didn't care if we had sex or not, but just the thought of being taken by him had my mind running in all directions. I wanted to feel him so badly.

"Okay."

_The sun goes down  
And hides behind the trees.  
Wrap you in my arms  
As I take you into me.  
Something I want  
And something more.  
Hand in hand,  
I'll close the door._


	17. When You're Next To Me

**Author's Note:  
**I know it's short, but believe it or not, I actually had to force this chapter out of me. I don't know why. I just...couldn't think... :S Better chapters to come. I promise. But hey! I got in more this week than I have in a while. I'll try to keep them coming as fast as I can. I'm just usually extremely busy with mounains loads of homework. But I guess college does that to you, eh? Okay, so I have a blasting headache right now. On to the reviewers!  
Thanks to IcePrincess87, Jennipher, Alexya Defender, Arabella16, DumbledorefavoriteJam, ashleyynicolex3, lilli kitty, Chibi-Elric-Chan, asianpervert, AnnaFrancesca, yohanita21, Ginaaaa, pina, Marissalove123, rena otsuda, ashleyynicolex3, and ResDes2. Got some new ones this time. :)  
Also, thanks to those that have added me/the story to your favorites/alerts lists. I appreciate it a lot.

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Seventeen  
When You're Next To Me**

It was an hour before midnight. Sixty minutes until the new year arrived.

I sipped at my small glass of wine, rolling it around on my tongue. I could taste the alcohol when it hit the back of my throat. I smiled at Esme as she walked by and ruffled my hair. Edward was surprised that his mother and father had let us drink wine tonight in celebration. But they said that we were mature enough to be able to handle it for one night. He was really shocked, as they had never agreed to anything like this before. Emmett groaned for a few hours because he wasn't allowed to. Alice didn't really care.

The backyard at the Cullen house was decorated with streamers and lights. Food they had prepared before the guests arrived was sitting on a long table with drinks in ice buckets and coolers. It was New Year's Eve and the party Edward's family was hosting was really interesting.

Many of Carlisle's colleagues had brought their families and Alice and Emmett had their significant others as well as a few friends. Edward only had me.

Bella was invited, but like I told Esme, it was impossible for her to come. I hadn't even been able to give her the Christmas gift yet. She left two days before the holidays and went to spend them with her mother in Phoenix. Charlie was usually pretty down at the thought of his baby girl being away from him during the festivities but he knew she was safe with Renee. She wouldn't be back until January 2nd.

I squeezed Edwards hand underneath the table.

"Are you having a good time?" He asked, taking a bite of his teriyaki chicken.

"Mmhmm." I slipped a fork full of Asian coleslaw into my mouth.

The food was delicious.

He laughed when a small bit of food fell out of my mouth and landed on the red table cloth.

"Shush." I told him. He just grinned even further.

I smiled back at him, my mind wandering to the events that were planned for tonight. After their little party, Esme and Carlisle were going to go spend some time at a more "adult" after party. It was hard for me to imagine these two very calm and controlled people getting drunk. But Edward said it was a New Year's tradition for them. Their one moment to let loose and have fun.

I was going to stay overnight.

When Edward gave me his gifts, we talked and made plans. Both of us wanted to give intimacy a try and since his parents were going to be gone…

It was safe to say that I was nervous as all get out. I couldn't believe that in just a couple of hours, he and I would be in his bed having sex.

My pants got a little tighter and my legs started to feel wobbly at the thought. I couldn't help but smile.

The minutes rolled by and after trading in our wine for a couple glasses of Dr. Pepper, downing some banana pudding, sharing a couple dances with Alice, and laughing at Emmett when he tripped over a fallen streamer, we joined in the countdown.

"10…9…8…" The crowd chanted. "7…6…"

Edward grabbed my hand quickly and pulled me inside the open door that led to the kitchen. The overhead light was off, but the lanterns and decorative lights from outside shown through.

"5…4…"

He pushed me into a corner that was hidden from the glow of the party. We were enveloped in shadow. No one would be able to see us.

"3…2…"

I could feel his breath on my cheek as he forced his body onto mine.

"…1!" The crowd cheered.

His lips crashed into mine hard and I saw nothing but the darkness of my eyelids, felt nothing but his flesh on mine. A small groan escaped my throat and it took everything in me not to push him down to the floor and take him on the slippery tile. I slipped my middle fingers the belt loops on his jeans and jerked his hips forward so that his hardened flesh collided with my own rigid cock.

He pulled one leg up and attempted to wrap it around me. After his knee hit the wall with a loud thud, I positioned my fingers right in the crease of his leg and held it up around me. His hands were in my hair, on my face, around my waist.

I pulled back from his swollen lips, my lungs pleading for air. My breath came out in loud gasps and he smothered the sounds with his palms. Wanting more of his kiss, I started latching my lips onto the sweaty inside of his hand. His foot remained halfway around my waist and his lips met mine again.

Suddenly, too soon, he was pulled back away from me. He stumbled and almost fell to the floor as the intruder didn't give him time to catch his balance.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Alice hissed in a loud whisper. "Someone could see you!"

I straightened myself up and stepped out of the dark corner. I glanced out the sliding glass door that was just to my left, and suddenly her words came into focus. If just one person had walked in, which she did, we would have been caught.

Edward ran his hands through his hair and I struggled to control my breathing.

"Will you let go of my shirt please?" He asked. She released her fingers from the crumpled up cloth.

"You guys are lucky I was the only one that decided to come in. What if it had been Mom or Dad? What about Larry? You know he knows your father, Jake."

"I know."

"All it would have taken was one phone call and you guys would have been ruined." We sighed as we realized she was right. "You need to learn how to control yourselves."

"We get the point, okay, Alice?"

"I'm just saying…" She said, defensively.

"I know what you're saying and we get it. Alright? We just got…caught up in the moment."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I just don't want to see anything happen to you two."

He gave her a quick hug and she walked back outside.

After checking that everything was in its proper place and making sure there was no evidence of our little scandal, we followed her actions and returned to the party. People were already packing up their stuff to leave.

Carlisle lugged the half empty cooler back inside and left it sitting in the kitchen. Alice and Jasper put the food on the kitchen table, Edward and I helped pick up trash, and Emmett and Rosalie were lying in the hammock being lazy.

Alice and Emmett both groaned when Esme informed their significant others that it was time for them to leave.

"Jacob doesn't have to leave." Emmett said.

"Yes, and Jacob isn't dating one of my children."

Both of Edwards siblings glared at us. I couldn't help but giggle a little. She was making Jasper and Rosalie go home when, for tonight, it really _was _me that was going to be breaking the rules.

Everyone piled out and went on their ways. Carlisle grabbed his keys and handed Esme her coat.

"Okay, we'll try to get back as early as we can. But you guys be good and don't stay up too much longer." She kissed everyone, including me, on the forehead.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Alice stormed up to her room and Emmett turned on us.

"This really isn't fair, you know."

"Sorry, Emmett." Edward replied. Emmett bounded up the steps in anger.

He grabbed a shawl from the back of the couch and led me outside in the cool night air. We lay back on the hammock and looked up into the starry sky. It was full moon.

"Are you nervous?" He whispered into hair.

"About what?"

"About tonight."

"A little. But it's not too bad."

He pulled the little blanket over us and then laced his fingers with mine.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We could wait if it's what you want."

"No, I want to." I smiled. "I really do."

"Good, cause so do I."

I lifted myself into a sitting position and leaned over him. I touched my lips to the tender flesh of his and kissed him softly. It was so soft that our lips were barely touching, our tongues hardly meeting. But even still, it held such an intensity that had my insides burning with desire. There was only one thing that could put the fire out.

His fingers laced themselves with mine and I pulled him up.

"Upstairs?" I whispered softly.

"Yeah." He said, out of breath.

We walked quietly into the house and up the stairs. We never made a noise. The others had their lights turned off so we assumed they were asleep. I didn't let go of his hand in fear that I would wake up from this dream and lose him, lose this moment.

I was about to make love to Edward Cullen.

We shut the door and turned off the lights. He clicked on a lamp on his desk and it filled the room with a warm, orange glow. He returned to me and placed his hands on both sides of my face. He pulled me in a heart wrenching kiss. I could feel so much emotion coming from him that it made me want to cry. The only thing going through my mind was that if I were to die in the moment, I couldn't have died happier man. This was everything that I could ever want. The man standing before me. I would never want anything more.

I unbuttoned his shirt and let it slide down his arms. My hands lingered on his chest and my fingers rested on the satin of his skin. I kicked my shoes off and started undoing my pants. He pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it onto the floor before taking his own shoes and pants off. I pulled his boxers down to his feet and ran my hands over his naked legs. When I stood back up, I took the full sight of him in. His skin was pale, but warm and inviting underneath the glow of the lamp.

He kissed me again and whispered and 'I love you' into my ear.

Edward took my hand and pulled me down onto the bed. I smiled as he looked up at me. I placed a small kiss at the base of his throat.

"You ready?" I asked.

He nodded and reached up to pull the top drawer of his bedside table open. I pulled my boxers off quickly and grabbed a condom. I pulled the bottle of lubricant out and poured a small amount into my hand. I rubbed myself with it, feeling it warm up on contact.

"I'm not sure what to do."

He smiled and took the bottle, pouring a little into his palm and wrapping it around my index and middle fingers. I took the hint easily and slid my fingers into his warm body. He was tight and I was suddenly nervous about what I was about to do.

"You sure I won't hurt you?"

"It'll be a little uncomfortable at first. I haven't done this in a while. But don't worry."

I nodded and began fingering him. I stretched my fingers out once and he moaned. I mirrored my previous action and began moving them back and forth in a slight scissoring motion.

"Come, now." He said smiling.

I pulled my fingers out and grasped my erection in my hand. I was shaking a little, but I managed to position myself at his entrance. He muttered small words of encouragement as I guided myself into him. It was a little hard at first, as his muscled tensed around me, but he soon relaxed. I pulled out slowly, then pushed back in at an equal pace.

I groaned loudly in pleasure and realized that I had been holding my breath. He smiled up at me, then closed his eyes, and moaned as his legs quivered around my hips.

"Are you okay?"

"Only if you do that again."

I laughed a little, but pushed into him once more, trying my best to hit the same invisible spot again. A light sweat had broken out on my forehead and I ignored the urge to wipe it away. I didn't want to take my hands off of his skin.

"Don't be afraid to hurt me. I'm tougher than you think."

Although I was scared to death of hurting him, I decided to test his words. I pulled out of him so far that only the tip of my penis was still inside, then slammed into his body with such a force that I groaned in exertion only to be met with a life shattering surge of pleasure. As I hit his spot hard, his breathing hitched and he sucked in so much air that he didn't even moan. I didn't inquire as to if he was in any pain, because by the look on his beautiful face and the grip he had on my shoulders, it was obvious that the only thing he felt was pleasure.

I continued to pump into him as hard and as fast as I could. The night flew by as we lost ourselves in one another. Half an hour had passed in bliss when I finally felt my sac tighten and my stomach flutter in the feeling eruption.

"I'm about to come." I whispered, losing my breath as I gained speed.

"Don't stop."

"Ah" I moaned out, as I gripped his hips, my own pumping into him faster than I could have ever thought possible. As I began to ride out my own orgasm, his rocketed through him. He shuddered violently, his head falling back onto the pillow. His back arched as I took his length into my hand, jerking him in time with my thrusts. A moan caught in his throat as he shot his seed onto his stomach.

A moment later, my cock began to twitch with each stream of cum that flowed into his warm body. I could see the small grin that took over his face and I clenched my teeth together to keep from waking everyone up.

When my orgasm subsided, I collapsed, exhausted, onto his chest. I could feel sweat and cum, sticky and wet, on my skin. At that moment, I didn't care. I lay there on top of him trying to catch my breath. He kissed my salty forehead, then lay back, his own breathing labored.

"Thank you."

I blushed.

"That was absolutely amazing."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. You were mind blowing." He laughed quietly.

When we regained our composure, he stretched his arm over the bed and pulled out a roll of paper towels. I thanked him as he wiped off my chest and stomach.

I kissed his lips and took his hand in mine.

"I love you so much."

And that was not a lie. I could think of no better moment in my entire life than this. I was with the person I loved, happy and uncaring about the world outside of those four walls. This was my paradise.

* * *

"Ow!" I yelled out loud as a pain ripped through my side.

I looked over at the person next to me. Jacob was grinning like an idiot.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"I wanted you to wake up."

"So you pinched me? I can think of more romantic ways to wake up the person you just had sex with, Jacob."

I glared at him and his faced turned red.

I rolled over onto my back and pulled him closer to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"I need a shower." He said.

"Then go take one."

I was in desperate need of a shower as well. I could still feel a sticky residue on my stomach…

I smiled, remembering the events of last night. He couldn't have made me a happier person.

He got out of bed and pulled his boxers and a shirt on then slipped out the door. I sighed and snuggled into the blankets that held his scent. I grinned again, and though I was embarrassed to admit, a slight squeal erupted from my throat. I burst out laughing at my stupidity.

"You're weird." I heard Alice say outside my bedroom door.

"So are you!" I shouted back, still giggling.

_So many things  
To make me smile.  
Just promise me  
You'll stay for a while.  
You're all I need  
And all I see.  
A happy man  
When you're next to me._


	18. Playing Pretend

**Author's Note:  
**Okay, first thing I want to do is apologize. I know I haven't updated in a while and I'm sorry. I've been very stressed out and busy with school. College is insane. Also, I've been having some problems with my own personal relationship. So not only have I not had the time to write, but I haven't been very emotionally stable. Again, I apologize.  
Second, I want to thank you guys! This story has broken the two-hundred review mark. :) I don't think I've ever had more than two-hundred reviews on a story. Thank you so much.  
Last chapter got a lot of reviews. But I think that was just because it was left up longer than the rest. Has nothing to do with all the sexiness. haha.  
Anyways, thanks to the reviewers; Rose, AnnaFrancesca, Lilli Kitty, Emotionsonhold, chaosRUBEDO, ResDes2, Evil Jenyus, Marissalove123, ashleyynicolex3, Chibi-Elric-Chan, Arabella16, yohanita21, Dragos-serenity, pina, shiroyuki004, asianpervert, Alexya Defender, rena otsuda, MelloMaggie., lolo57, DumbledorefavoriteJam, Katsumi-ritsu-kun, and AmberGoldenEyes. Thank you guys for your lovely reviews, and thanks to those that gave constructive criticism. :)  
Also, a thanks goes to those that have recently me/the story to their favorites/alerts lists. Very much appreciated.

I must note, that there are some of you that have been wanting me to read one of your stories. If this is the case, please send the name of it to me in a PM and I'll go to your page and check it out when I have time. And I almost always review, unless I'm a bit too busy. If you haven't posted your story yet, let me know when you do. If you're not going to post your story on but would still like for me to read it, then PM me and we'll set something up. :)

Sorry for the long author's note. I love you one hundred times more if you actually sat there and read it all.

Lady Jezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Eighteen  
Playing Pretend**

The first day back to school was boring. And that was not an exaggeration. The day went by slowly and sleepily. Teachers handed out loads of assignments and homework to make up for the free time that we had while on our Christmas Break.

Bella came back the day before. I didn't have the chance to see her, as Charlie had kidnapped her for the day. It was something he always did when she came back from Renee's house. It was impossible for anyone to see her, as he wanted to spend the entire day with his daughter.

I walked into the lunchroom, feeling a sense of sadness. My break from school was over. My break from my girlfriend was over. I was back to pretending that I didn't love Edward and that Bella was the only person on my mind. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep this up. I was growing restless of my adultery. It had been months.

But how do I stop?

Bella beamed when I sat down next to her. I didn't have a tray in my hands, as I couldn't find it in me to eat today. My stomach was twisting in knots of guilt. I couldn't understand why it was hitting me so strongly now. Sure, I felt bad before, but not like this. Today I actually feel _guilty_.

Maybe it was because now it was official that Edward and I were together. Not publicly of course, and obviously we had been together for quite some time. But now we were having sex. We had taken that next step that couples take in intimacy. I had not gone as far as giving myself to him completely, but he was fine with doing the one thing that I couldn't bring myself to do. Not yet anyways.

I was going to give myself to Edward. But I wanted it to be special. I was already thinking up ways to make this happen.

"Hey, Honey." My girlfriend said, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. Her lips were too soft and feminine.

"Hey. How was it at your moms?"

"It was good." She smiled. "I got a lot of new clothes and stuff. Mom was wonderful, but I had to listen to the idiot whine for days. He broke his leg."

Bella never did like her stepfather Phil, the self-proclaimed baseball all-star.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"Yes it was! He acted like he couldn't do anything!"

I couldn't help but laugh a little at the look on her face.

"So how was your break?"

"It was okay. Kind of boring." I felt Edward stiffen beside me at the table. "But I guess that's how it is when you're at home all the time."

"You didn't spend any time with Edward?"

"Um…"

"I just thought…you know, him being your only decent friend and all." She whispered in my ear, so that Quil wouldn't hear.

"He came over a few times." Edward added into the conversation. Bella and I both turned to look at him. He didn't glance up, just kept skewering bits of burnt lasagna onto his fork.

What was wrong with him?

"That's good. I'm glad you guys had fun. Did you get a lot of nice things for Christmas?"

"Yeah, I got some good stuff. Clothes, books, that sort of thing." He pulled his leg out from under the table. "I also got these."

Bella looked at the Converse sneaker revealed by his lifted pant leg. She laughed.

"It's about time you trade in those raggedy old shoes for something new."

"Yeah, my other ones were starting to fall apart."

The rest of the lunch period went by in a haze of everyone at the table trading stories of what happened over their breaks and comparing their gifts to one another. I stayed a little quiet, not really sure what to say or do. Edward kept saying or doing things that Bella would have no idea about, but I knew they were references to our time spent together. I didn't know what was wrong with him or why he was acting this way, but truthfully, it was starting to piss me off.

Before we left the cafeteria, I agreed to go shopping with Bella in a nearby town. I really didn't want to, as I'm not much for shopping, but I could tell that she wanted some time alone with me. We hadn't been alone together in quite a while. I could at least do that much for her.

I walked slowly to the gymnasium, not really feeling up to P.E. today. If it was possible, without pissing my dad off, I would just go home and escape from everyone. My head was spinning today and my stomach was tight. I didn't understand why I felt so awful today. The guilt of cheating on my girlfriend was weighing hard on me now. My heart was beating crazily in fear that she would find out, that some little sign would be given and she would suddenly know everything. How much did she know already?

I sat my backpack on the concrete stage next to Edward. He didn't say anything when I sat down.

"What's wrong with you today?"

"Nothing." He said. But he didn't look at me.

"I can tell something's wrong, Edward."

"I'm fine." He spat.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him off from the stage.

"Come on."

He sighed, but followed along. We left the gym, no one even taking notice, and I led him out into the secluded part of the hallway where there wasn't much student traffic.

"Okay, now tell me what's going on."

"I told you I was fine."

"Something's bothering you. You never act like this."

I was met with silence.

"Edward, talk to me. What was all that about at lunch?"

Suddenly his emerald green eyes met mine. They were filled with anger and hurt. I was a bit taken aback by the emotion pouring itself from his gaze.

"You want to know what's going on? Why I'm acting this way?"

"Yes, I do." I said, standing my ground.

"Well, then maybe I should inform you that it's been almost six months, Jacob. Half a fucking year."

"Edward-"

"No. I don't want excuses right now. I know you have a lot of those." Out of nowhere, a tear fell down his cheek and his jaw clenched tight. "I know you have your reasons. And I understand those. But this has been going on too long, Jake. I can't take this anymore."

"I don't know what to do."

"Yes you do. You know what has to be done."

"I can't do that." I said quietly. I wasn't ready for the world to know.

"I'm not asking you to out yourself." He said in a whisper, in case a random student were to pass by. "But you can't keep pretending. Someday you're going to have to break it off with her. You can't keep leading her on this way. It's not right."

"I know." I couldn't help but to hang my head. He was right. This couldn't last forever.

"Then what are you going to do?" His voice broke. "I really don't want to lose you, Jake, but I refuse to share you any longer. It's not fair to me or to her."

Would he really break it off with me if I didn't tell her? Would he give up so easily? My heart started to thrum wildly again my chest. Would he break up with me?

"I don't know."

He sighed, then turned and started to walk back into the gym. He was walking away from me. And sooner or later, he would walk away from us. I couldn't, wouldn't let that happen. I loved him. And he loved me. I was the one doing this. I was the person that was making him hurt.

I shook myself together and ran after him, grabbing him by the shoulder.

"I'll tell her tonight, okay? I'll tell her I can't be with her anymore." My God, how was I going to manage that?

He wiped a fallen tear off of his cheek quickly, glanced around the hallway, then pulled me into a hug. He kissed my cheek softly.

"I love you." He whispered. "I don't want to lose you."

"I love you too, Edward."

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. When school was over, I stopped at Bella's house to let her drop off her books and get some money. When she got back into the car, she gave me a kiss that lasted a bit too long for my liking, but I didn't let her know. Soon we were on our way and I was driving the hour it took to get to the mall, cursing the price of gasoline.

She pulled me through many stores and by the sixth one, my legs were beginning to ache and my fingers hurt from holding her bags. I wish I had gotten enough Christmas money to go shopping afterwards. I could use some new stuff for The Rabbit.

"I wonder when they're going to start selling prom dresses." She said when we passed a Deb's.

"Bella, prom isn't until late April."

"I know, but it never hurts to get them early."

I sighed and walked on, finding myself in another girly store. This time is was Victoria's Secret. My face flushed a little in embarrassment and I glanced around wondering if I was the only guy in here. Were guys even allowed in this store?

"You're not going to get into trouble. Calm down." She laughed.

I forced a laugh, then looked around at all the lingerie lining the walls and being displayed on mannequins. It was strange thinking back to a time when items like this used to turn me on. All I saw now was fabric and lace. It barely even got a reaction from me.

She grabbed a couple things and went into a dressing room, leaving me to stand guard with her purse and shopping bags. I was so bored.

I half expected her to come out wearing one of the negligees, but she didn't. She just smiled at me and walked up to the check-out counter. If she only knew that she had no reason for such garments.

When she was finally finished, we made our way to the food court. My stomach was actually hurting from lack of sustenance. I suddenly regretted not having the burnt lasagna at lunch. I waited in line at Taco Bell, ordered my food and paid the cashier. Bella was already at the table digging into the Chinese food that she had bought. I followed her actions, unwrapped my quesadilla and took a bite. My mouth watered around the chicken and cheese. It was delicious.

"So what was wrong with Edward today? He seemed a bit off." She asked, twirling a nasty looking piece of low mein onto her plastic fork.

"I'm not really sure. I think Mike has been bugging him again."

"Oh, that explains it then. Mike can get that reaction out of anyone. Gay or straight."

"Yeah."

I finished off the last bite of my quesadilla and pulled off the paper that surrounded the soft taco. My heart was pounding out of my chest, my mind was reeling and I was starting to feel a bit light headed. How was I supposed to do this? I couldn't just say 'Hey, Honey, I'm in love with a man and he wants me to break up with you.' No, I couldn't do that. But I would have to have some sort of explanation. She would most definitely want one.

She took in the last bit of her food, then stood up to throw her trash away. She walked over to the garbage can with no problem, but when she came back, her foot slid on some ketchup on the floor. She slipped and fell down, landing on the hard floor on her butt. Her face turned a brilliant shade of red as people stared at her. I couldn't help but begin to laugh. It was mean, I know, but the look on her face was hilarious.

"It's not funny, Jake." She spat, her features contorting into anger.

"I'm..sorry…I…can't…help it." I said between fits of laughter.

She glared at me, then turned on her heel and all but ran out the exit door, her hands clenched into fists.

When my laughter subsided and I got control of my breathing, I picked up her bags and headed out the door in search of my car.

* * *

I closed my copy of The Davinci Code and sat it on my night stand next to a bowl of uneaten spaghetti. I felt bad for going off on Jacob today. I didn't feel bad for what I said, though. He needed to know. I can't remain in the shadows forever. I can't be on the outskirts of his and Bella's relationship any longer. It had gone on too long already. Six months was way too long.

I ran my hand through my hair, realizing that I needed to get it cut. My hair didn't look good long. Not like Jake's silky black locks.

My emotions were on the fringe. I felt like tears could fall at any moment.

I pulled the lock on my sliding glass door and stepped out into the night. The air was cold and I started to shiver immediately. The chilly wind woke me up and I became more alert. I sat down in my chair, feeling the cushion crunch beneath my bottom. It had frozen over during the night when a new layer of snow had dusted the ground. The small flakes didn't fall now, but the night was clear. I leaned back and looked up at the stars, searching for Orion's Belt. I had never figured out where that constellation was. I could find the big and little dippers easily.

I remembered back to when I was younger, laying out on the grass searching for the big dipper. I had become a little obsessed with finding it after we had had an entire class period dedicated to slavery and I had learned about the old song Follow The Drinking Gourd. Back when everything was so much more simple.

My breath came out in foggy gusts from my mouth. I could see it so easily in the cold winter air.

I pulled my arms around my waist and pulled my legs up onto the chair. I didn't want to think about Jacob and Bella being out on their date. I didn't want to think about what they might be doing. Even if he had said that he would break it off with her tonight, I knew that he wouldn't. Tomorrow he would sit next to me at lunch, pretending that we were just friends. Bella would be at his side, gushing about all the things she had bought while holding the perfect image of her boyfriend in her mind.

This was never going to end.

_Back to being a friend.  
Once again playing pretend.  
Take your girl.  
Take your games.  
Forget all other names.  
Hold me close,  
Love her tight.  
Playing house,  
Making everything right.  
Fill your day with a lie,  
But think about me tonight._


	19. Shattered Glass

**Author's Note:  
**Okay, so first off let me say that this chapter would have been up sooner had it not been for my own stupidity. You see, I hadn't been able to get online for hours. So I wrote this chapter early on. When I finally did get online, only after about two hours did I realize that I had written a new chapter and that it needed to be posted. So I apologize for making you wait on something that had already been written.  
Thanks to the reviewers: dreamgirl93, chaosRUBEDO, MelloMaggie., Chibi-Elric-Chan, Marissalove123, lilliekitty, DumbledorefavoriteJam, ashleyynicolex3, IcePrincess87, ResDes2, asianpervert, Alexya Defender, lia516, little-kiwi-boi, yohanita21, pina, rena otsuda, AmberGoldenEyes, and Emotionsonhold. You guys are amazing.  
And a thank you to the people that have added me/the story to your alerts/subscriptions list. Greatly appreciated.  
Also, to those that do not know, the poems at the bottom of the chapters are always my own creation. I NEVER use song lyrics or anyone else's work for these poems. I always write them myself specifically for each chapter.  
Enjoy. :)

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality  
Chapter Nineteen  
Shattered Glass**

January had gone by very slowly. I still hadn't broken up with Bella. I felt bad for it. I really did. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't make the words pass through my lips. As each day passed, Edward grew more and more restless. I wanted to make it better for him so badly. Why couldn't I break up with her?

Bella was still oblivious to everything, as far as I could tell. I couldn't understand how she didn't know already. I mean, I could tell that a couple of our friends were growing suspicious. Rosalie was getting pretty curious about what Edward and I were doing when we were alone so much. Jasper tried to console her curiosity, but it was apparent that she knew something was going on. It would only be a matter of time before she spoke up and informed Bella of her thoughts.

I drew myself out of my thoughts as I opened my locker door. I didn't want to think about such things today. I had better plans. Plans that Edward would definitely like.

Dad was going to be at Sue's house all day today. He had roses and candy already. Yuck.

I used to hate Valentine's Day. I used to see it as a stupid superficial holiday in which it's only purpose was to gain money for the candy and greeting card companies. But that was until Edward was my secret Valentine. That sounded corny, I know. But I loved the idea.

I had a plan for today. And I was praying that it would work out.

After stuffing my books into the metal frame, I worked my way through the swarm of students piling through the doors and made it to the student parking lot. I walked over to Edward's car where the three Cullen siblings were piling their books and backpacks into the trunk.

"Hey, Edward?" I called, glancing around to see if Bella had come out of the building yet. She hadn't.

"Come over today, about four thirty."

"Okay…" He said, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Trust me."

I smiled lightly at him, then walked back to my own car and got inside. I waited for about ten minutes before Bella got inside. She gave me a quick kiss, waved to Emmett, Alice, and Edward, and then grinned. I started the car, letting a frown fall to my lips. I scrunched up my forehead.

"So what do you want to do today?" She asked, before turning away from the window and taking notice of my expression. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"I'm not feeling that well."

She placed her hand to my forehead.

"You're kind of warm."

I was? Huh. I silently thanked my body for its sudden rise in temperature.

"Maybe you're getting a cold or something. There's been some stuff going around."

"Maybe."

"Just take me on home. Maybe if you're feeling okay tomorrow, we'll do something."

"Are you sure? I mean, it is Valentine's Day."

"No worries. I don't mind. Just go home and get some rest."

Rest. Right.

"Thank you, Bella."

She took hold of my hand and we sat in silence for the rest of the ride.

When I pulled into her driveway, she gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, grabbed her backpack, and headed towards her house.

That was too easy.

I began to wonder if I was really that good at lying or if she was just too naïve to notice.

I drove home quickly, wishing I had told Edward to come a little later. I wasn't giving myself much time. Dad was still home when I arrived. He was in the bathroom trying and failing to fix his hair. He grunted when I grabbed his hands away from his head and placed them at his sides. I searched through the cabinet for some of Rachel's mousse. After squirting a small amount onto my palm, I worked it into his hair. I styled it in a more youthful way, but it still looked good on him.

"Er…thanks, Jake."

"No problem."

I quickly washed my hands and left the bathroom.

"When is Emily picking you up?" I asked Rachel.

She was in on my plan and thankfully didn't mind spending the day with one of her old high school friends.

"She should be here in a little bit."

I glanced down at my watch. It read 3:37pm.

"If she's not here by four, you're giving her a call."

"What time is he supposed to be here?" She asked quietly so that Dad wouldn't hear.

"Four thirty."

"I'll be gone by then. I promise."

"I'm gone, kids." Dad said, suddenly appearing in the doorway.

We nodded and waved him off. He walked out of the room and a few minutes later we heard the front door close, followed by the sound of his engine revving to life.

"So…you're ready for tonight?" She asked quizzically.

"As much as I'll ever be."

"Just be safe."

"It's really weird talking to you about this, ya know."

"I know."

"I wanna thank you, though."

"For what?"

"For being so supportive of me. For not hating me because of this."

"I'll admit, I don't completely agree with some of your tactics. But I'm your sister. I'll always love you, no matter what." She pulled me into a hug.

"I wish I could say the same for Dad."

"Don't worry about him tonight. Edward makes you happy. So give him a night he'll never forget."

I laughed. I loved Rachel. She was amazing at making me feel better. I could never have asked for a better sister.

"I'll try my best."

I started to walk out of the room. I desperately needed to get my own bedroom ready.

"Hey, Jake!" She called. I turned around to see her fumbling through her top drawer.

"Yeah?"

Suddenly, a bottle of liquid was thrown through the air. I reached up quickly, grabbing it before it could hit me in the face. I looked down at the label. It was massage oil.

"Wanna make it extra special? Give him a massage. Work out all those kinks before you get him all worked up."

"Good idea." I said, nodding. I walked into my bedroom wondering why I hadn't thought of a massage before.

I sat the oil down on my dresser and started picking up clothes and books. I stuffed them all under my bed and looked around. I tidied up a few extra things that claimed my attention, then pulled the box of candles that Rachel had helped me buy out of my closet. I scattered them throughout my bedroom, searching for the best spots to place them. I pulled out a lighter that I had borrowed from Quil and started lighting the wicks. When I was finished, I looked around, feeling a little worried.

"Hey Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't think these candles are dangerous do you?"

"Well, if I come home tonight and there's nothing left but smoke and ash, then we'll know." I could hear her laughing in her room. "Don't worry, Jake. Everything will be fine. Just don't sit them too close to any kind of fabric or paper."

I glanced around, then ran over to one of the candles and placed it in a different spot. How had I not realized how close it was to the curtain?

I looked at my alarm clock. 4:02pm.

"Rachel!"

"I'm calling her. Calm down."

I straightened up the blankets and sheets on my bed, suddenly not liking the little creases and wrinkles they held. Would he notice?

"Uh, Jake?"

"What?" I asked, a little agitated.

"He's here."

"What!?"

He couldn't be here! I told him four thirty! Why did he insist on coming early? Fuck!

I pulled off my clothes and threw them into the closet. I grabbed the pair of black satin boxers out of my drawer and slipped them on. Edward like satin.

Plus, Rachel said he would like them.

"Do you want me to tell him to come on in?" She asked, opening the door and sticking her head inside. "Oh, sorry. Didn't know you weren't appropriate."

"What did you expect? Yeah, tell him to come on in."

"Okay." She flipped the light switch off and the room was filled with a beautiful orange glow. "Oh, and take your hair out of that stupid ponytail."

When she closed the door behind her, I looked into the mirror that hung on my wall. I gripped the elastic band with my middle finger and thumb and let my hair fall loose of its embrace. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was so nervous that I started to feel a little lightheaded. Where should I be when he comes in? Should I sit on the bed? Lay on the bed? Or should I just remain standing? No, no. That would look stupid. Just standing in the middle of the floor. I walked over and sat down on the mattress, immediately twiddling my fingers.

What was taking him so long?

A few moments later I heard his footsteps coming down the hall.

"Hey sorry I took forever. Rachel insisted on-" He opened the door. "Woah."

I couldn't help but smile.

* * *

After I finally pulled myself away from Rachel and her friend Emily, who had just arrived, I started towards Jacob's room. Why wasn't he spending the day with his _girlfriend_? I quieted my thoughts before I could become angry. I had gotten so mad so many times within the last month when I realized that he hadn't done as he'd said he would.

I considered knocking but decided against it.

"Hey sorry I took forever. Rachel insisted on-" I said, opening the door. "Woah."

The room was lit with a multitude of candles. And it was clean. But the amazing sight before me was what held my attention. Jacob, my Jacob, was sitting on his bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. His brown skin looked so soft in the candlelight and his hair, oh my God, his hair. I loved it when he let it down. It made him look more like the Indian that he is. And that was so fucking sexy.

The image of him at the lake surfaced in my mind at I took him in. The only difference was that he wasn't wet and he didn't have pants on.

I let my eyes roam over his strong shoulders and the black hair that fell over them. My gaze ran over his body, his smooth chest, his rough abs, the happy trail that dusted the area beneath his belly button. His thighs were so inviting and I just wanted to run my hands over them.

"Happy Valentine's Day." He said.

I growled at him. I couldn't believe it, but I actually growled. I stalked closer to him, my prey. When I got to the edge of the bed, I grasped his face between my hands and kissed him hard. As our tongues battled for dominance, I pushed him bad onto the mattress and held myself over him. My lips latched onto his with a hungry, needy force. I kicked my shoes off, hearing them hit the hardwood floor with a thud, and began toying with the buttons on my jeans. I wanted them off and I wanted them gone quickly. My fingers were working too fast for the small little round items, so in anger, I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it over my shoulder. Only afterwards did I thank God that it hadn't hit one of the many candles.

"Is Rachel gone?" He asked, breathing heavily onto my lips.

"Yeah. Her friend got here right when I did."

"Good."

His lips connected with mine once again and I pinned him down onto the bed, straddling him and placing both my arms on either side of his head. I let my fingers toy with silk of his hair.

I wasn't sure how long our make-out session lasted, but the minutes flew by quickly. We were becoming less rough and more sensual. Our lips were swollen and abused, red and just waiting for more action. He moaned when I reached down and kneaded his hardened length through his boxers. His fingers found the waistband of my jeans he undid the buttons that I had had such a problem with earlier. I stood up and let them fall to the floor. I stepped out of the fabric and got back into place above him. His hands worked their way up and down my thighs. I could feel his fingers sliding beneath my boxers and caressing the crease of my legs and private area. I inched forward, hoping he would continue his path further. But he didn't.

"Lay down on your stomach." He instructed.

I did as I was told, wanting nothing more than to obey him now. He was in control and I was completely fine with whatever he had planned. I lay down on my stomach and crossed my arms beneath my head. I felt the weight of him as he sat down on my butt. He grabbed a bottle off of his dresser and soon I felt a cold liquid on my back. I shivered slightly.

"Sorry."

"That's okay."

His hands felt heavenly as they ran up and down my back. The oil warmed up quickly from the body heat and friction. His fingers worked magic on the knots in my shoulders and he worked out some kinks that I didn't even realize I'd had until just then. He put pressure on certain points of my skin and squeezed. I moaned loudly, finding pleasure in his massage. I had never become aroused during a massage before, but he was so good at it. My cock twitched against the mattress and somehow grew harder than it already was.

He rubbed and kneaded my back for more than twenty minutes before I decided that I couldn't take it any longer. I managed to roll over so that he was straddling my waist. I could see his hard length poking through the fabric.

He opened his drawer and pulled out a condom and a bottle of lubricant. We quickly rid ourselves of the only remaining barrier between us and threw the boxers to the floor. I parted my legs, waiting for him to settle himself between them. I eyed him curiously, wondering why he wasn't putting the condom on.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Do you want me to put it on you?"

His shook his head no, and began to unwrap the latex protection. Instead of placing it on himself, he began to roll it down my own penis.

"Wh-oh. You…you..want me to…?" I stammered out. It wasn't hard for me to realize what he wanted.

"Yeah. I've kept you waiting for a long time."

"You know I'll wait longer if you want."

"No, I'm ready."

I wrapped my arms around him and flipped us over so that he was lying beneath me again. I kissed his already swollen lips and ran my fingers through his hair. This day was better than I could have ever imagined. His legs rose up so that his knees were resting against my thighs. He pulled my face down to his and held me in a deep kiss.

Neither of us heard the door open or the soft feminine voice that whispered 'oh my God'. But what we did hear, was the shatter of glass as it hit the floor and the sound of feet running hard through the hallway.

A broken bowl was the laying on the floor, amidst a puddle of Chicken Noodle Soup as well as a pair of black work boots that led up to the angry face of Billy Black.

_Secrets revealed.  
Say goodbye.  
Wounds unhealed.  
No more lies.  
Shattered glass.  
Broken heart.  
Gone so fast.  
Where do I start?_


	20. Hold On To Me

**Author's Note:  
**Okay...so.... lol.  
Yeah...it's been a while. I'm not going to fill you with excuses, but I am going to apologize. I've hated keeping you guys waiting. And I'm sure that this chapter isn't amazing by any standards, but I forced through my writer's block and made myself do it.  
There more than likely will not be an update until after the holidays, so Merry Christmas guys! Hope you have a good one! :D

LadyJezebel.

* * *

**The Words of Reality****  
Chapter Twenty  
Hold On To Me**

I glanced up at my father's face. He was standing so still, so quiet. There was no emotion that showed through his features as he took in exactly what he was seeing. His son, naked, laying beneath his nude best friend. Another man. Edward raised up and my father's eyes flickered down to his now limp penis and the condom that surrounded it. His lips turned into hard, straight line and his eyes narrowed. But he didn't say anything. He just turned and walked away.

"Fuck." Edward whispered. "Jake, I'm so sorry."

In the back of my mind, I knew that I should say something. Console him, somehow. But I couldn't. The words wouldn't come. My mind was reeling, trying to take in what had just happened. I stood up and pulled on my jeans quickly, not bothering with a shirt. Edward looked as if he was about to say something, but he stopped as I walked towards the door. I didn't turn around or even look back at him as I walked out, pushing my feet forwards, meeting my demons head on.

Dad sat on the couch, still, silent. It wasn't him that I was going for anyways. He looked straight forwards, not even glancing up at me as I walked past him to the front door. I opened it and realized that Bella was in her truck, trying to start it. I ran outside into the rain that had begun to fall, ignoring how my feet felt as they trotted against the cold ground. I ran quickly to the side of the truck and pulled the door open.

Bella looked at me, her eyes red and tear stained. She looked like she wanted to murder someone. Murder me. She tried to grasp onto the door and pull it back but I held onto it tightly.

"Let go of the door, Jake."

"Bella, wait."

"No." She glared at me.

"I can explain."

I didn't expect her to jump out of the truck. She shoved me backwards with a force that someone her size shouldn't have. She was drenched immediately by the rain that fell hard from the sky.

"You can explain?" She screamed. "You can explain that? Don't give me some bullshit fucking excuse, Jacob Black! I know what was going on in there!"

"Bella-"

"No! I'm not some stupid little bimbo that you can walk all over! I'm not an idiot!" She was wavering her hands around in the air, fists clenched. I was suddenly terrified at the thought of her hitting me. "It's kind of obvious what was happening! Or did you not realize that he was naked and about to shove his dick up your ass? That's kind of a hard thing to miss, even for you."

I didn't know what to say. My mind was doing crazy trying to think up some response, something to say to her, to calm her down. There was only one thing I could think to say.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Don't give me that. You knew what you were doing." She spat. She stood for a moment, then her eyes lit up with more rage and fury than I knew was inside of her. "How long has this been going on Jake?"

"Bella-"

"No! I asked you a question, now I want an answer. How long has this been going on?"

"You don't want to know the answer to that." I said weakly.

"Yes. I. Do." She snarled, each word coming out as a complete statement in its own. "How fucking long?"

"August."

"What? What did you say?"

"Since August."

"You stupid, fucking, liar!" She screamed, shoving me again, even harder this time. "You've been with him this long! Six fucking months! I can't believe you!"

She continued with her mix of physical and verbal abuse. I didn't know what to do. She was so angry. My fists were clenched tightly as I held them at my sides, my jaw set. I would not hit her. I would not hit a girl.

"I can't believe I ever loved you. I can't believe I even gave you the time of day. You're a worthless peice of trash, Jacob." She brought her hand up quickly and my skin stung as her palm connected with my cheek. I reached out and grasped her wrists tightly between my fingers before she could hit me again.

"Don't fucking hit me, Bella." I said through clenched teeth.

We were so close together that our noses would have been touching if she had been taller.

"How could you do this to me?" She spat.

"It was easy to do. Did you ever think that maybe you were just too naive to notice? Everyone else knew. You were the only one. Even Rosalie was beginning to see it."

"Don't you dare turn me into the bad person here! Maybe I was too stupid to see what was going on. But you were the one that was ready and willing to have him shove his cock up your ass, you sick son of a bitch." She pulled her arms out of my grasp and started towards her truck.

The truck started easily this time and she sped away, slinging mud behind her. I stood there. I just stood there in the rain looking after her even after she was already gone. My cheek was still stinging from her assault.

A few minutes later I heard the front door open and close. I sighed, waiting for the angry voice of my father. I prepared myself mentally, as best as I could, for another onslaught of anger and confrontation. But what I was met with was not rage and hate. It was a soft voice full of concern.

"Jacob, it's pouring out here. You're soaked." Edward said, touching his hand lightly to the small of my back. I didn't say anything, I just closed my eyes, fighting the headache that I knew was going to kill me tonight. "If you don't want to go back in there, you can come to my house. You can stay for as long as you need."

He turned me around to face him and began to wrap his arms around me, but I pushed him away. I opened my eyes to see emerald green ones staring back at me, filled with shock and pain. He started to speak, but I silenced him by raising my hand and pointing to his car.

"What?" He said, pain ripping through his voice.

"Go."

"Jake-"

"Just go."

He stared at me for a minute, trying to figure out if this was really what I wanted. I said nothing, standing my ground. He soon realized that I wasn't kidding and after giving me one last pleading look, which I ignored, he walked away. He got into his Volvo and pulled out of my driveway.

I just wanted to be alone, then. I didn't want anyone, even Edward, to be around me. Especially Edward. None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for him. I wouldn't be standing here, freezing in the cold rain, if it weren't for him. My father wouldn't be sitting on the couch, shocked into silence, had it not been for Edward. Bella wouldn't be torn to pieces if he hadn't come here. And I wouldn't have fallen in love with him either.

No. I was not in love with Edward Cullen. I told myself that, as I walked towards the shed. If I were in love with him, none of this would matter. I wouldn't have asked him to leave, I wouldn't have run after Bella. I would have gone after him. If I was really, unconditionally in love with him, I would be able to deal with all the pain and sacrifice with him by my side. And he sure as hell didn't put up much a fight. He just left when I told him to.

I clicked on the light in the shed and swatted some tools off of a bench. They fell with a loud clatter, the noise music to my ears. My fists were still clenched, my arms ached. I wanted so desperately to hit something. I wanted to throw something and hear it shatter. I wanted to hear something break into pieces. Something that wasn't my life.

I sat down on the bench, resisting the urge, and let my face fall into my hands. This was so stupid. What was my father going to think? Would he throw me out of the house? Where would I go? Would Bella tell people or would she keep it to herself? What if everyone at school found out? I had no idea what I was going to do. There was nothing that I could do.

So I sat in silence, my thoughts running throughout my head. The headache that had attempted to come through had broken the last remaining barrier and was pounding away at me like a jackhammer. I didn't know how long I'd been sitting outside, but the light of day soon turned into night, and a few hours later, Emily's car pulled into the driveway and Rachel got out. She was laughing and joking, but her good mood suddenly ended when she realized that all the lights in the house were on and that Dad's car was sitting in the driveway. She was silent as she walked towards the house and went inside. I couldn't see her, but I could hear.

I ignored the feeling of numbness that cascaded throughout my ass cheeks and let myself slide down onto the floor so that my back could rest against the bench. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them close to me.

Rachel was only gone for a few minutes, snooping around, I assumed, before I saw her head peek into the shed. She looked at me curiously, noticing the blank stare I gave her.

"God, Jake, you're frozen." She said, sitting down next to me. She handed me a hoodie and I put it on quickly, not realizing how cold I had been. "Did Dad come home while you were-"

"Bella too." I croaked out.

"Oh my God." Her face contorted into shock. "What happened?"

"Dad hasn't spoken to me. Bella and I got into a fight and she left."

She sat for a minute taking it in, thinking about how the events might have played out in detail.

"What about Edward?"

I sighed, not really wanting to think about Edward at all. "I told him to leave."

"That was probably for the best. Dad may have ended up going off on him."

I nodded my head, lying. I hadn't even thought about my dad's reaction towards Edward. I made him leave because I wanted him to leave. She didn't have to know that.

"Is he still sitting on the couch?"

"No, I guess he went to bed. How long have you been out here?"

"Few hours, I guess."

"Lord. Come on." She got up and stood in front of me. I just looked up at her. "I said come on. You don't need to get sick too."

She led me towards the house. The rain had stopped falling, but I could feel mud and water squishing around my bare feet. I stiffened once we got to the door. I really did not want to go back in there. What if he was waiting for me? Maybe his silent streak had been temporary and he was just shocked. Maybe he was over that shock now and would go at me.

My fears were put to rest as Rachel opened the door to an empty house. Dad was in his bedroom like she'd said. He did not open his door as we walked by to get to our rooms.

Rachel put out all the candles as I collapsed onto my bed, mentally exhausted. I was not happy with the fact that my nose had buried itself into fabric that smelled like cherries. I grasped the edge of the pillow and threw it to the floor, throwing away the scent of Edward's hair. I pulled the covers up around me and put my arms beneath my head. At this moment, I would rather sleep on the cold hard mattress instead of finding comfort in a soft pillow that smelled of him.

"It'll be okay." Rachel whispered before she walked out of my room.

"I don't think so." I replied, praying to God that I was wrong.

* * *

I couldn't believe what had just happened. Everything was going so perfect. No one had ever done anything like to me before. I was sure that Jacob had no idea of how much that little act of affection had meant to me. Valentine's Day wasn't something that I enjoyed, but in those few moments that we had been alone in his bedroom, I was gaining a new outlook. I was beginning to think that maybe Valentine's Day would never be as bad as it had once been. That maybe, just maybe, I could look forward to intimacy and love for years forward. But I had been wrong.

Everything had gone wrong.

I felt awful at how selfish I was being. Yes, my Valentine's Day had been ruined. My moment of happiness had faultered. But it was Jacob who was dealing with more than I was. It was my boyfriend that had to face his father and his now, I assumed, ex girlfriend. There was no way she would still want to be with him after seeing us together. Would she?

I felt horrible that it had turned out this way for Jake. Of course I wanted him to end it with Bella. I wanted him to myself. But I didn't want it to happen like that. I didn't want anyone to get hurt by our situation. I knew that the pain was inevitable, but no one should have to walk in on their boyfriend with another man. Especially his best friend, one that you had trusted. I didn't really care what Bella thought of me, but I didn't want Jake to have to deal with the heartache that would come with a reveal of that kind of nature.

And his father. Oh God, his father. What would he do to him? I knew that his father was not accepting of the gay lifestyle, but I didn't know him well enough to know how he would react to finding out his son was gay. Would he hurt him? I hoped not. I wasn't sure what I would do if something happened to Jacob.

He had been forced to face all of his insecurities and all of his demons in one night. In one moment. The second that his bedroom door had opened, I knew that his world had come crashing down on him.

What would this mean for us? I knew that he would not want to go public with what had happened. That was expected. But I couldn't help but wonder, as he told me to leave, if he wanted to put an end to me, to us, as well. His secret, our secret, had been revealed.

In his efforts to make everything okay, would he attempt to put away the source of all of his problems? I was the cause of the trouble, I knew this. Of course, it wasn't all my fault. I had to be realistic. But Jacob could not be put to blame. It wasn't his fault that his started having feelings for another man. He's only human. If I had not walked into his life, he would have realized it sooner or later. Maybe it wouldn't have come into focus as quickly as it had when he met me, but sometime in the future, another man would have come through and he would have understood this fact about himself. It was undeniable. No matter how much he wanted to forget it, Jacob was gay. There was no other alternative.

My mind ran crazy with all the thoughts of how he would deal with this situation. There were a vast multitude of ways he could take control with it. A number of possibilities of things he could. I could only hope that he wouldn't push me away in his journey to make things right. I loved Jacob. Love him so much. I didn't want to lose him.

_So many wrong things.  
How to make them right?  
Gone in a moment,__  
All we worked for tonight.  
Don't break my heart.  
Don't tell me no.  
Hold on to me, Love.  
Forget those that know._


End file.
